


Maybe in another life

by happencheese



Category: Orphan Black (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-30
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-09-03 07:01:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 42,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8702059
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happencheese/pseuds/happencheese
Summary: AU - What if Delphine was the clone and Cosima was her monitor?





	1. Opportunity

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Orphan Black fic :) It will be regularly updated and follow some canon plot points. Other clones will definitely make an appearance. Please let me know what you think!

 

"It's an opportunity, Dr. Niehaus,” he said, slipping the folder across the desk towards her.  
Cosima leaned forward in the chair, a shrug rolling off her shoulders as she slowly reached for the folder.  
“Isn't it always?”  
Dr. Leekie, _Aldous_ he insisted, said nothing. He only smiled at her. Cosima felt her eyes linger over that grin, teeth a little too large, too straight. With a shake of her head, she refocused on the matter at hand. The _opportunity_ in the manila folder. The copious number of bracelets on her wrist jingled as she opened it.  
“Would you like a drink?” Aldous asked, pushing his chair away from the desk.  
He watched her for a moment before finally rising to his feet.  
“Cosima?”  
“Um, no, thanks, I'm good,” Cosima managed. She didn't look up.  
Aldous chuckled.  
“Take your time.”  
Aldous poured himself two fingers of whiskey from a crystal decanter. He studied her over the rim of the glass. The smirk plastered across his face would have bothered Cosima any other time; she loathed that self-satisfied smile like no other. Today she didn't even sense it. She ran the palm of her hand up her forehead and over her dreads, not being able to stop her own lips from twitching upwards at the edges. Cosima reread the job brief three times before she turned the page.  
“Is this...? Seriously?”  
Neither of them expected an answer. Cosima read through the rest of the document before tossing it back onto the desk. Aldous raised an eyebrow.  
“Why me, of all people?” Cosima asked, looking at him now, her brow furrowed.  
He turned his head to the side and shrugged.  
“Well, why not you?”  
Cosima rolled her eyes and sat back in the chair. Aldous laughed again.  
“Come now, Cosima. Surely you know how highly I think of you and your abilities? You're one of the brightest young minds I've had the pleasure of working with.”  
He settled back into his own chair and took another sip.  
“Yeah, of course,” she replied, squeezing her eyes closed and shaking her head. “But why you would ask me, of everyone you possibly could ask, for this kind of, I don't know, field work, I guess...”  
Cosima stopped herself with another shake of her head.  
“You know what I mean. I work here, in the lab. Research, testing...I don't even know if I can actually do what you're asking me.”  
Aldous nodded along with her.  
“I understand your apprehension, Cosima. But the subject needs a new monitor, and I think you would be perfect for it. All I'm asking is that you strike up a friendship, report back to us -”  
“I know how the programme works, Aldous,” Cosima interrupted, holding a hand up.  
“Of course.”  
Cosima glanced back at the folder.  
“It said her last monitor died?”  
Aldous nodded.  
“It's not something you need to be concerned about. It's not like she killed him.”  
He laughed. When Cosima only returned it with a stare, he cleared his throat.  
“Car accident. But she had already tried ending things with him. And as you well know, once the subject no longer trusts their monitor, well. On top of that, she's set to transfer to the University of Minnesota from France this semester. She was going to need a new monitor sooner or later.”  
Aldous finished his drink with one last gulp and set the glass down on the table.  
“You'll have plenty in common. She's completing her Ph.D. in immunology. I'm sure it would benefit her greatly to have a good friend in a new country who she can share her passion with.”  
Cosima swallowed, fighting the urge to roll her eyes again.  
“A really good friend who essentially spies on her.”  
“Well, what you don't know, doesn't hurt you,” Aldous said with a grin, “But you know why we do it.”  
“Yeah, yeah. I know, I know.”  
“I assured our colleagues in Europe that we could handle it. They have...shared some concerns.”  
Cosima frowned.  
“About our ability to monitor her?”  
“No, no. They simply have the suspicion that she may be, well, self-aware.”  
“You're shitting me.”  
Cosima stared, wide-eyed. Self-aware? How could she possibly be?  
“Wow, dude. Just a suspicion? No concrete evidence that she knows she's a clone?”  
Aldous shook his head, a small smile on his lips.  
“Unfortunately not. Her previous monitor wasn't the most fastidious. He made some comment about seeing her with someone who looked “exactly like her”. Then of course there is the matter of a sudden transfer in the middle of her doctorate to the other side of the world. I hope you'll be able to enlighten us.”  
“So she could even be _in contact_ with another subject? Holy watershed.”  
He looked at her with bright eyes. Cosima glanced away and sighed. She couldn't just pass up the chance to get up close to a potentially self-aware subject, and he knew it. They hadn't documented anything like this yet. With a thousand questions spinning around in her head, Cosima turned to look at Aldous.  
“So I suppose I'm off to Minnesota?"

 


	2. Chapter 2

Enrolling her in classes she had already long since taken, procuring a spacious student apartment, and creating new ID under a new name with a false transcript was child's play for DYAD. Aldous handed her the briefcase of lies at the airport himself. _I suppose I'm not the only one who can't help but get my own hands dirty,_ Cosima mused as she reached out to accept it. She had her dreads in a tight bun on the top of her head and wore her favourite red coat. Even so, she felt herself shivering.  
“Everything you'll need is in there,” Aldous said.  
Cosima's head bobbed up and down repeatedly.  
“I already asked I.T, but better make sure that they take my photo off the website,” she said. “Especially if you really are set on getting her over to 'our side', as you put it.”  
“Consider it done.”  
They stood in silence for longer than Cosima felt comfortable with. She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth and extended her hand.  
“Well, I'd hate to miss my flight.”  
Aldous returned the handshake.  
“I won't keep you, then. Best of luck, Dr. Niehaus. Not that I think you need it.”  
Cosima forced a smile and turned to walk through the terminal. She could feel his eyes on her back as she handed the woman at the desk her passport and boarding pass. She only released her breath once she was through the gate.  
“Here we go,” she whispered. “The hell have you gotten yourself into...”

 

She hadn't really prepared herself for what meeting her subject in the flesh would be like. She'd seen 324b21's photo, sure. Seen hundreds of photos, really. Most taken from a distance - across the street, from behind a tree, through a window. She'd read the subject's file multiple times. She knew about the strained relationship with her parents. Like with many of the subjects, her parents were her first unwitting monitors, eager to supply their family doctor with an answer to every question, no matter how strange it seemed. Off to boarding school after her parents' rocky divorce, Cosima's subject had attempted suicide at age 16. The accompanying medical notes were too detailed, too intimate, for Cosima to stomach. As expected, she did not have her menarche until her mid-teens. Everything about her childhood and adolescence was meticulously recorded. Her twenties were more vague; she seemed to go through a few monitors as relationship after relationship crumbled. The scientist in Cosima was captivated, the rest of her wondered if you could really know someone meaningfully from a file. She forced the niggling doubt to the back of her mind. _Focus on the science, yeah?_ It felt silly as soon as she thought it.

 

Cosima first laid eyes on her in one of the student labs. _She's beautiful_ she thought, before she could stop herself. She watched from the doorway, hands stuffed deep into the pockets of her lab coat, as her subject studied a slide through a microscope. _Just go in, put your stuff down on the table, look busy. You know, like a student._ But how could she approach, _speak to,_ someone who she refused to name even in her head? Cosima took a deep breath.  
“Can't stand here in the doorway all day,” she muttered, straightening her back and striding towards the free work space directly opposite her subject.  
She drew another breath when her subject didn't look up. Cosima opened her satchel and took out her lab notes and pencil case. _Don't look over at her. Play it cool. James Bond style._ She flicked the notebook open. Writing the notes during that morning's lecture had felt both redundant and nostalgic. Poised over her scribbled handwriting, yellow highlighter at the ready, she slipped her cellphone out of her pocket and onto her lap. While one hand highlighted sentences at random, the other dialed her ring-back number. Moments after hanging up it started to ring, blaring the _X-Files_ theme song through a once quiet lab. Her subject's head shot up, brown eyes narrowing in Cosima's direction.  
“Sorry, so sorry, guys,” Cosima said, a genuine flush to her cheeks. “Shit, sorry.”  
She ended the call and raised the phone to her ear.  
“I'm in the lab, okay? I can't really talk right now...” she whispered. “Yeah, I know we need to talk about it. But I can't right now. Ugh, look...”  
She glanced towards her subject, who was still looking right at her. Cosima couldn't help but feel relief that the expression on her subject's face seemed to be more curious than angry; her large eyes softer than they had been moments earlier. Cosima let a weak smile move her lips before turning away.  
“I know, hey, you don't need to...Look, I've got to go. And you know what? I don't think this is going to work out.”  
She mimed hanging up the phone and dropped it down onto the table.  
“Shit.”  
Cosima stared at the phone before coyly turning her head towards her subject again. With a small wave of her hands she offered another gentle smile.  
“I'm sorry.”  
Her subject returned the gesture.  
“It's fine,” she whispered.  
Cosima hurried to her feet, stuffing her belongings back into her bag as quickly as she could. And as she had rehearsed in her head, only at least a hundred times, she left her transcript on the table as she sped from the room.

 

_Now where exactly do you plan to go, genius?_ Cosima maintained her pace until she was well down the hall. Would her subject even go and pick the transcript up? If she did, Cosima was sure the nearly perfect grades printed on it would be enough to pique her interest. Her subject would at least remember Cosima's face now, even if it was as 'that-crazy-lady-who-disturbed-everyone-in-the-lab'. Cosima turned with a heavy sigh to lean against the wall. Head tilted up towards the ceiling, she closed her eyes and put her palm to her forehead. She didn't hear the click-clack of heeled boots approaching. There was a small cough and then a hand reached out and touched her arm.  
“Excuse me,” her subject said. “You left this in the lab.”  
Cosima opened her eyes with a start.  
“Oh, um, thanks, sorry,” she said, too quickly. “Sorry about all of that, actually.”  
She took the transcript back, pressing it between both hands.  
“It's fine, my pleasure” her subject replied.  
“Thanks, again, really” Cosima said. She crossed one leg in front of the other, leaning to the side. “I try not to have phone calls like that in public, usually.”  
Her subject drew her bottom lip between her teeth, nodding. _Don't stare, Niehaus, don't stare.  
_ “I must admit,” she said, casting her eyes down, “I did look at it. Your transcript.”  
“Oh?”  
“Yes, you have fantastic grades.”  
She looked up then, a warm smile on her face.  
“You recently transferred here? You are also studying microbiology, yes?”  
Cosima leaned forward into a nod.  
“Yeah, I'm Evo-Devo.”  
She watched as her subject's forehead crinkled.  
“Uh, evolutionary development.”  
“Ah! Of course. I'm studying immunology, specialising in host-parasite relationships.”  
Cosima felt a genuine smile cross her face.  
“Oh, cool, cool!”  
She extended her hand.  
“I'm Cosima. It's nice to meet you.”  
Her subject's hand was warm and soft and so _human_ in hers, and for a moment she felt so foolish, so foolish to think that maybe it wouldn't be.  
“Delphine. _Enchantée_.”

_Delphine._

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much everyone for your comments; they really inspire me :)

 “So I made contact today.”  
Cosima rested her feet on the corner of the desk as she swiveled her chair back and forth.  
“And?” Aldous asked through the phone. “How was that?”  
“Totally insane. I mean, I met and spoke to one of the subjects. It was amazing. Surreal.”  
Sure that she could hear him patting himself on the back and wearing that damn smirk, Cosima rolled her eyes.  
“That's great, Cosima. You will keep me updated, I'm sure.”  
“Yeah, of course. I'm pretty sure she'll be in the library tomorrow afternoon, so I'll just, you know, casually study in there or whatever.”  
Aldous chuckled.  
“I'm sure you'll do a fine job. Keep me in the loop. It would be fantastic if you could encourage her to come to the lecture.”  
Cosima rolled her eyes again, ever grateful that he couldn't see her.  
“Yeah, I know, I know. I don't want to be too pushy though. If I can make it seem natural, I'll invite her. Can't blow this thing.”  
“You and I both know you're not going to blow anything, Cosima.”  
“Is that resentment I hear, Dr. Leekie?”  
Cosima smiled with her tongue pushed behind her teeth. Her grin grew when he sighed.  
“I'll be renting a suite for the weekend of the lecture, I'll be sure to have the details emailed to you. Just in case.”  
Her smile vanished.  
“You know my answer to that question. Stop asking it.”  
Aldous sighed again.  
“I'll talk to you later, Cosima.”  
She hung up before he could, tossing her phone down.  
“Asshole.”

Delphine was walking around on the phone when Cosima spotted her in the library the next afternoon. She carried a stack of textbooks in her other arm. Cosima decided to find a place to 'study', spreading her books and notes out over a table on the other side of the room. When Delphine noticed her, she gave a little wave before moving away to continue her conversation. Cosima returned her attention to her books. She could feel her heart beating in her chest. It took longer than she would have liked for Delphine to hang up and settle down to study, two tables away. Out the corner of her eye she could see Delphine glancing over at her. _I feel like I'm in high-school._ Delphine was resting her head in her hand as she made notes, her blonde curls swept away from her face. _It would be beyond inappropriate to think she was cute, right?_ Cosima shook her head and blinked rapidly. She pulled the leaflet advertising Aldous' damn lecture out of her bag and slipped it into her notebook. Holding it under her arm, she pushed herself up and strode over towards Delphine. She smiled despite herself.  
“Hey, Delphine,” she whispered.  
Delphine put her pen down and turned her body to face Cosima.  
“Hey!” she replied cheerfully. “ _Bonjour,_ Cosima.”  
“I'm bored.”  
Delphine continued to smile as she nodded.  
“I am, too. My mind just isn't in my studies today.”  
“Totally get it. Oh, hey, did you know there is this lecture today that I was thinking of going to...”  
She opened her notebook and flicked through the pages with her thumb.  
“Ah, here. You could come with me, if you want to. No pressure.”  
Delphine took the leaflet.  
“Neolutionism? I have heard of it...”  
Cosima laughed and waved a hand around her head.  
“It's kind of fringe, I know. But the guy speaking, Dr Leekie, he's an interesting speaker. I've watched some of his stuff online.”  
The words felt thick in her mouth. _Interesting speaker_ wasn't even the half of it. Delphine looked back down at the leaflet. There was a photo of Aldous on it, of course, a sort of third angle shot. Like he had been engaged in a deep, intellectual conversation and had been suddenly 'caught off guard' by the camera man. _Smug asshole._ Cosima forced her gaze from the leaflet back to Delphine.  
“Wanna come?”  
Delphine looked up at her and Cosima felt like she could stare into those doe eyes forever.  
“Yes. Why not?”

“She's going to come. To the lecture.”  
“That's excellent news, Cosima. I didn't doubt for a moment that you would be able to get her to come along.”  
Cosima walked the length of her apartment as they spoke. He had asked for a Skype conference, but, like every time before, his request had been politely yet resolutely declined. Cosima ran one hand over her dreads. Reaching her desk, she spun on her heel and strode back towards the windows. Her skirt swished around her ankles.  
“She does seem a bit skeptical about the whole thing. Neolutionism, I mean. I can't say I don't get that.”  
“Come now, Cosima, even after all this time? Anyway, I'm sure she'll enjoy the lecture. We can just take it from there.”  
“Yeah, yeah. I'm going to meet her there in about, um, an hour or so. I should get ready.”  
“Of course. Thank you for keeping me apprised.”  
“Yeah, no problem. Though I think I might start emailing this stuff.”  
It was a moment before Aldous spoke again.  
“Whatever suits you, Cosima. I'll let you get ready. I'll be leaving soon.”  
“Cool. I look forward to pretending I don't know who you are.”  
She hung up the phone and flopped down into her desk chair.  
“Oookay.”

Cosima arrived at the lecture just before Aldous dimmed the lights.  
“Sorry, sorry,” she said, slipping into a seat beside Delphine. “I'm so late, I know. I'm kind of always late, though. So, kind of always sorry.”  
“I'm glad you're here, Cosima! I was starting to think you weren't going to come.”  
_Co-si-ma._ Wow. She was never going to tire of hearing Delphine say her name like that. Cosima cleared her throat.  
“Yeah, again, so sorry. But I'm really glad you could make it.”  
Delphine smiled and Cosima leaned back into her seat, trying to take off her coat without standing up.  
“Interesting crowd, eh?” Cosima whispered as she jerked her head at the two people sitting to their right.  
They both had white blonde hair and one white contact lens. They certainly weren't the only ones.  
“Mmm,” replied Delphine with a slight frown. “Oh, it's starting.”  
A bright light illuminated the stage and the back of Aldous' balding head.  
“Neolution.”  
Cosima had heard this lecture so many times now she could recite it in her sleep. Aldous _was_ a good speaker. She'd been entranced by him at one time herself. He spoke with such authority that it took a conscious effort to question anything he said. It would be easier to soak up every ounce of idealised rhetoric and for most people, it was. A quick glance around the lecture theatre told her as much. All eyes were on him, heads bobbing up and down. Some people were even taking notes. His lecture was rehearsed and refined; every pause, every lighting effect, every projection was timed, planned, and executed with precision. Cosima would be impressed if she didn't find his sense of self-importance so nauseating. Where was his passion? Nothing was off the cuff, could never be with him. It had to be _perfect._ Flawless. It didn't seem organic. _He cares more about his image than about the science._ Maybe that was it. Cosima returned to the present just in time for her part in his act. He strolled across the stage towards her.  
“Your glasses, for example,” he said, staring at her with his head cocked to the side, “make you somewhat...Platonic.”  
It would be easy to believe he was seeing her for the first time. Cosima glanced at Delphine with a raised eyebrow.  
“But within the very near future, I'll be able to offer you the ability to see into a spectrum never before seen by the naked eye. Infra-red, X-rays, ultra violet. You interested?”  
Cosima answered him the same way she had when he had first made a comment about her glasses. Puzzled, she supposed he had been, that a bright young scientist studying Darwinian theory had done nothing to improve her own myopia.  
“Maybe I'll just start with basic Lasik?”  
He had laughed then, just like the audience was laughing now. Like Delphine was laughing now. Cosima's smile didn't reach her eyes. _You're welcome, I guess.  
_ “And so you should! That's making an evolutionary choice. Neolution gives us the opportunity of self-directed evolution. And I believe that is not only a choice, but a _human right_.”

There was wine provided after the lecture, thank God, and Cosima was pleased she didn't have to force Delphine to stay. Aldous was milling about, talking with his admirers, signing copies of his book. She knew he would kill her if she left without introducing him to Delphine. Maybe literally. _His megalomania knows no bounds_.  
“So, is Neolutionism eugenical? Utopian perhaps? ...Cosima?”  
“Oh, uh,” Cosima turned back to Delphine. She rose her wine glass to her lips. “Neo-topian, I guess, maybe?”  
Delphine hummed into her glass.  
“I think he's finally finished talking to that guy,” Cosima started. She swirled what was left of her wine and dipped her head. “I'd be kind of interested in meeting him.”  
“Oh, really?”  
Delphine looked at Cosima with wide eyes.  
“Even after that joke? You are so...bold, Cosima.”  
“C'mon,” Cosima said, sticking her tongue out just a little bit and grinning. She couldn't help it.  
She turned and made her way over to Aldous, flashing Delphine another smile over her shoulder.  
“Hey, Dr. Leekie, my name is...”  
Delphine stood and watched from a distance. She slowly sipped at her wine, never taking her eyes from the two of them. Cosima gestured for her to come closer with a flurry of hands.  
“This is Delphine Cormier,” Cosima said as she stepped to the side.  
“ _Enchantée,_ Dr Leekie, that was a captivating presentation.”  
“Ah, _merci mademoiselle. Je suis heureux d'apprendre ça._ ”  
Delphine rose her eyebrows.  
“You speak French?”  
“ _Oui,”_ he said, pausing for longer than necessary. _“_ I have a neuro-lingual chip.”  
Cosima had to bite her lip at Delphine's earnest nod.  
“Oh, um, I see...”  
“Pretty sure he's bullshitting you, Delphine.”  
Delphine quickly turned to face Cosima, her cheeks having heated instantly. Those big eyes were round and wide again. Aldous laughed it off with a wave of his hand.  
“I don't mind a skeptic. Neural implants are something we're exploring, however.”  
Cosima nodded repeatedly.  
“At the DYAD Institute, was it?”  
“You've heard of us!”  
“Yeah.”  
Aldous turned to angle his body towards Delphine.  
“And you?”  
“A little bit, _oui._ Cosima invited me to this lecture and I was certainly curious.”  
She paused to smile.  
“I'm glad she did. It has given me a lot to think about. You know, I'm in immunology.”  
“Ah, a fascinating field!”  
Aldous reached into his pocket and handed each woman a black business card.  
“Please, have a look at our work at DYAD. There is plenty available for public access on our website.”  
He took a step back, inclining his head.  
“ _Adieu._ ”  
Cosima waited until he was across the room before sighing.  
“Well?” Delphine asked. She gave Cosima a gentle nudge with her elbow. “Was he what you had hoped for?”  
Cosima wrinkled her nose and laughed.  
“I wanna get out of here.”  
She started towards the table laden with wine bottles and an assortment of cheeses.  
“The way you spoke to him, Cosima,” Delphine said, her blonde curls bouncing around her face as she shook her head. “You are such a brat.”  
Cosima reached out and grabbed two bottles. Pulling them close to her coat, she grinned and wiggled her eyebrows at Delphine.  
“Oh, no, no,” Delphine whispered.  
Cosima was already making her way to the door.  
“C'mon, let's get out of here...” she said through her teeth.  
Delphine stifled a laugh as she took the second bottle from Cosima and followed her outside.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is a Delphine point-of-view chapter. Decent bit of canon divergence (there is going to be a lot more of that). The other clones have similar, but not exactly the same as in canon, names. You should be able to tell who is who :)

Delphine's heart fluttered as Cosima took her hand and ran through the campus beside her. Bottle of wine in one hand, satchel bouncing against her hip, they ran through the stone tunnel that joined the outer courtyards.  
“You run so fast,” she panted.  
Cosima's laughter echoed in the tunnel. They stopped to catch their breath on the other side. It would be a beautiful place to eat lunch in the summer, Delphine thought briefly, when the snow was gone and the trees were green once more.  
“Did we lose them?” she asked. She glanced over her shoulder and pulled her bag around to the front.  
“Yes. Okay, so, let's steal some bikes next.”  
Delphine looked up from her bag to meet Cosima's glittering eyes. Her cheeks and the tip of her nose were pink and one dread had worked its way loose from the bun on top of her head. Her heavy breaths puffed clouds around her mouth.  
“Oh, no, no, that's too much crime for me,” Delphine laughed.  
“Aw, c'mon.”  
Cosima was close now, impossibly close. She put her hand on Delphine's upper arm as she leaned in.  
“Let's do it.”  
“I have a class to TA soon,” Delphine replied.  
“Ah, okay, all right.”  
Cosima slipped away, walking ahead. Her head was down but Delphine could see the smile on her face.  
“You know what's a very French thing to do?”  
“What?”  
“After a jogging like this, we like to smoke a nice little cigarette.”  
Delphine reached inside her bag and waved the packet at Cosima.  
“Did you just say, “a jogging”?”  
Delphine cocked her head.  
“Yes.”  
“You did.” Cosima turned her face away. “Okay. Just checking.”  
Delphine opened the packet of cigarettes and pulled one out.  
“Do you smoke?” She held the cigarette towards Cosima. “Do you want one?”  
“Oh, no” Cosima paused. “No, thanks, though.”  
“Okay.”  
Delphine put the smoke between her lips and lit it. She watched Cosima watching her and felt a flush to her cheeks.  
“It's, um,” Delphine took the cigarette from her mouth, “It's really nice to make a friend in the 'Brave New World'.”  
Cosima said nothing at first. Her face slowly bloomed into a soft smile.  
“Yeah,” she almost whispered.  
“I have to go,” Delphine said, just as softly.  
“Oh, okay, yeah.”  
Delphine leaned forward to peck Cosima on each cheek. She lingered ever so slightly on the second kiss.  
“Okay, bye. _Ciao._ ”  
“Yeah, um, _ciao._ ”

 Delphine shut her apartment door behind her, pushing her back up against it. Her bag slid from her arm and fell to the floor. Skipping a class in her first week at a new university wasn't going to make the best impression. Her phone buzzed in her jacket pocket and she groaned, not opening her eyes.  
“Go away, Sara,” she muttered.  
The buzzing stopped and she let a sigh escape. A moment later she felt it buzz twice. With another sigh she pulled the phone out of her pocket. One new message.  
“ _Hey, how'd it go?”  
_ Delphine bit her lower lip. _How_ did _it go?_ She exhaled through her nose.  
“ _Fine. Not sure what to think yet,”_ she wrote back.  
She walked further into the room, stopping by her desk to turn her laptop on. The apartment was still sparsely decorated; she hadn't the time nor the energy to really start unpacking yet. Several cardboard boxes were stacked neatly in the corner of the room. She had a single bed with a dark blue duvet and too many pillows. Her desk was more or less in the middle of the room, just under the window. There was nothing on it but her laptop and one thirsty plant. The days last rays of sun filtered in through the net curtains. Delphine took off her heavy coat and opened the window. She shivered as the breeze caressed her face. She could see the students in the courtyard below, most heading home for the day. It was helpful living this close. It was even more helpful that she didn't have to pay for her own student accommodation. _Merci, Alice_. Her phone buzzed again.  
“ _Don't get too close, Del, yeah?”  
_ "I'm not an idiot, Sara...”  
Delphine stared at the pink phone in her hands. It buzzed again before she could think of a more appropriate response.  
“ _Oh, heard from Bess yet? She give you that stuff?”  
_ That one was easier to answer.  
“ _Non, not yet. Meeting up at the end of the week, hopefully.”  
_ Delphine walked over to her bag and pulled out the stolen bottle of wine. A smile crossed her face. She took a wine glass down from the cupboard above the stove and poured herself some.  
“ _Santé.”  
_ It was a nice red, warm and smooth over her tongue. Her phone buzzed again. Delphine took another sip before checking the message. Heat flooded her face as she read it. _It's just the wine._ _It's just the wine._  
“ _Hey Delphine, it's Cosima. Are you free tomorrow night? There's this restaurant I want to try. Let me know, no pressure - Cosima.”  
_ Her fingers left her brain behind.  
“ _I'm free. Where do you want to meet?”_

Delphine had been ready for thirty minutes before she heard Cosima's upbeat knock on the door. She looked herself over in the mirror one more time. She wore a black blouse, no sleeves, tucked loosely into red trousers. It would have to do. She spun around and hurried to open the door.   
“Cosima!” she said with a smile.  
“Hey Delphine,” Cosima waved. “I'm a bit late, aren't I. Sorry.”  
Delphine shook her head quickly.  
“ _Non, non._ Would you like to come in?”  
Cosima rolled forward onto her toes and peered into the room around Delphine.  
“We should probably get going. It's a short walk from here, but yeah. I am a little bit late.”  
Delphine nodded.  
“I'll just get my coat.”  
She left Cosima in the doorway as she went to grab her coat from the back of her desk chair. Her fingers curled into the fabric, just holding it. She lifted her head slowly and turned to look at Cosima.  
“You look nice,” she said.  
Cosima looked as confused hearing it as Delphine had felt saying it. Her brow furrowed and she tilted her head. Delphine could see her mouth twitch.  
“Thanks, Delphine, uh, you look nice, too.”  
Delphine bit her lip and shrugged the coat over her shoulders.  
“I'm ready to go.”  
Cosima inhaled deeply.   
“Let's get going then!”

The heat hit her face as soon as they stepped inside. Delphine let out a happy sigh, quickly slipping out of her coat.  
“Oh, it is so lovely and warm in here,” she said.  
“Yeah, bit cold out tonight. I'll go get our table.”  
Delphine folded her coat over her arm and held it to her stomach. She could see the restaurant had two floors, the upper level bordered with a glass wall and supported by corinthian columns. The dim lighting only added to the warmth Delphine could feel seeping through her chilled skin. She wiggled her legs as a shiver traveled up her back. Suddenly Cosima was in front of her again.  
“Our table is up there,” Cosima said.  
Delphine followed her up the stairs and took a seat.  
“The waiter said he'd be by in a minute.”  
She sat on Delphine's right and opened the beverage menu first.  
“I feel like some wine, you?”  
Delphine watched the way Cosima puckered her lips as she read through the menu. She just seemed so...real? Delphine narrowed her eyes. If what she thought was true, if what her sisters told her to consider was really true, how could Cosima be so calm? She moved and spoke and _breathed_ with such inhibition. She was simply genuine. Delphine felt her stomach twist.  
“Red, right? Totally red.”  
And if it was true, well, what then? This wasn't something she could keep trying to run away from. She was in a new country, a whole world away, and she had brought no one with her. In her gut she knew, and yet, and yet...  
Cosima turned away from the menu and looked at Delphine.  
“Everything all right? You're not saying much.”  
Delphine shook her head and blinked.  
“Oh, I'm sorry, Cosima. My thoughts are just, everywhere.”  
“Hey, I get it.”  
She extended her hand halfway to Delphine before letting it drop onto the table.  
“Anything you want to talk about? I'm told I'm a good listener.”  
Delphine shook her head again.  
“Oh, _non_ , it's nothing really. Just study, you know? The semester has barely began and I feel like I have so much work to do already. I'm sure you feel the same.”  
Cosima nodded slowly.  
“Oh, hell yeah, I get that. I'm luckier than you there, though.”  
“Oh? What do you mean?”  
Cosima shrugged and laced her fingers together on the table.  
“I didn't have to move all the way here from France. I'm sure it must be a bit of a culture shock. Or make you feel homesick, or something?”  
“Oh, well, a bit.”  
Delphine looked down at the menu.  
“Shall we order that wine?”  
Cosima grinned.  
“Yes!”

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as an aside; I'm using the canon's very general "North America" as the setting, with the other clones living closer to the university than they do in canon for ease of transport/meetings etc. 
> 
> Hope you all enjoy this chapter! :)

Delphine seemed more eager to talk once she had finished a few glasses of wine. Cosima tried to ignore that niggle again, that voice in the back of her mind reminding her how wrong the entire situation was. She didn't need to be reminded.  
“I ended a relationship not too long before I left Paris,” Delphine was saying. Her eyes were fixed on the bottom of her glass. “I had been planning to move, you know, and things just...”  
She exhaled heavily and smiled at Cosima.  
“Long distance never works, anyway,” Cosima replied. “Was it a rough breakup?”  
“ _Oui..._ He didn't want things to end. He wouldn't stop calling me. Every time he would come over I would still open the door for him. I was foolish. I suppose leaving for Minnesota helped with that. Much too expensive to keep calling me here.”  
“Yikes.”  
Cosima took a large sip of her wine and put the now empty glass on the table. She crossed her arms and leaned towards Delphine.  
“So, no more unwanted calls?”  
Delphine frowned.  
“No.”  
“That's good, great.”  
 _Don't push it, Cosima, god. You already know what happened to him, you don't need to push it.  
_ “Yes, well.”  
Delphine finished off her wine and set her glass beside Cosima's.  
“I tend to end things cold turkey,” Cosima said after a moment.  
“Cold turkey?” Delphine asked, a smile finding its way back to her lips. “What is that?”  
“Uh, it means like, abruptly.”  
“Ah, well, yes,” Delphine said with a wave of her hand, “That's what I should have done. But I always answered the phone, or invited him in, or...”  
She sighed and ran a hand through her curls.  
“So you are usually the one ending your relationships too, Cosima?”  
“Yep, I am usually the asshole. I mean, you heard that conversation in the lab...”  
“The cold turkey asshole.”  
Cosima smiled with her tongue behind her teeth and dipped her face.  
“Do you want to talk about it, Cosima? The person you were talking to in the lab?”  
“Nah,” Cosima said with a shrug. “I am already, like, so over all that.”  
She couldn't stop smiling. She wanted to keep talking like this, just the two of them, but it was not to be. Aldous was right on time. Cosima hoped she looked curious and ignorant when they heard the woman at the front desk greet him by name. Delphine turned in her chair and peered through the glass wall behind her.  
“Oh, it's Dr Leekie,” Cosima said, “We could invite him up.”  
Delphine spun back around.  
“Really?”  
“Well, you're single now.”  
Delphine laughed and covered her mouth with her fingers. She shook her head from side to side.  
“Cosima oh, no, no, no, he's too old!”  
“But his mind is sexy.”  
Delphine continued to laugh.  
“Oh, very.”  
“Well, I'll go ask him. I'm sure he'll want to talk with me again after that lecture.”  
Cosima stood up. She winked at Delphine and headed down the stairs. Her legs were shaking as she stepped onto the first floor and approached Aldous with a little wave. She knew Delphine would be watching.  
“Dr Leekie!” she said, just a little too loudly. “How great to see you again.”  
“Ms Niehaus,” he said. “From the lecture the other day. I could never forget such a wit.”  
The smile glued to her face was as false as they come as she walked back up the stairs in front of him. He slipped by her to take the seat directly opposite Delphine.  
“ _Bonsoir, mademoiselle Cormier_. I hope I am not intruding.”  
“ _Non, non_ , of course not. Please, join us.”  
He eyed the empty wine bottle on the table and smiled.  
“Have you ordered anything to eat yet?”  
“We were just about to,” Cosima answered.  
“Wonderful. I'll get us another bottle, shall I?”

Throughout the evening, Aldous focused his attention on Delphine. Cosima sat right back in her chair and watched. She could see the slightest hint of rose across Delphine's cheeks. Her back was rigid, her knees pressed together under the table. Her food had barely been touched. It was like looking at a completely different person.  
“Now, Ms Cormier, if I remember correctly you said you were in immunology?” Aldous asked.  
“Ah yes, I'm still finalising my dissertation at this stage, though.”  
“It's certainly not something to take lightly.”  
He smiled widely and took a sip of his wine. His lips smacked together. Cosima crinkled her nose.  
“This is a good wine,” he said, putting the glass down.   
He looked from Delphine to Cosima and back to Delphine again.  
“Are either of you familiar with our work at the DYAD Institute?”  
 _Right to business_ , _as usual_. Cosima didn't bother answering; he wasn't really asking her after all, was he. Delphine nodded.  
“Your immunology papers, yes.”  
“Ah, then this will interest you, Delphine. We've created a pluripotent stem cell line from human baby teeth.”  
Cosima made an o shape with her lips and nodded with raised eyebrows.  
“Impressive, Dr. Leekie.”  
He bowed his head at her.  
“Thank you, Cosima.”  
When she glanced at Delphine she was surprised to see a slight frown on her face. Delphine was staring ahead, eyes narrow and fixed on the centre of the table. Her knuckles were white where she pinched the stem of her glass.  
“Dr. Leekie, it is my understanding that you have perfected a number of proprietary cloning techniques...in, um, bacteria, amphibians, insects...Human skin grafts, even...”  
Cosima balled the fabric of her skirt into her fist. Delphine still wasn't making eye contact with either of them.  
“That's correct,” Aldous said with a smile.  
Cosima's chest felt tight. Was he blind? Or was she crazy? She took another gulp of her wine, anything to occupy her hands. Delphine's muscles had relaxed now. She was leaning forward and had slightly lifted her glass. She spun it slowly in her hand.  
“And I believe you are patenting transgenic embryonic stem cells, is that right?”  
Aldous turned his face to the side and scratched himself behind the ear.  
“We hope to once we get the necessary approvals, but...”  
He looked back at Delphine with another smile, smaller this time, his finger pointed limply towards her.  
“But that is not public knowledge.”  
There was the faintest hint of humour to his tone. Cosima felt like screaming. What a farce! Aldous had wanted concrete evidence? Here it was! Right in front of his beady little eyes.  
“ _Oui,_ I was doing some research into your work, and well, made a guess.”  
Delphine was looking at him now with a pale smile of her own. Cosima forced a laugh.  
“Wow, Delphine,” she said, “That's astute.”  
Aldous turned his fork through his pasta.  
“She's cheeky. Much like yourself, Ms Niehaus. Have you two considered perhaps applying to the Institute?”  
“Us?” Delphine asked.  
For the first time in a while she looked at Cosima, her frown still firmly fixed in place. Cosima shrugged.  
“Why not? You could be the next Watson and Crick!”  
Aldous gestured widely with his hands.  
“Really though, I can tell you have a very...unique...perspective, Delphine. Give it some thought, both of you.”  
He took his napkin from his lap and laid it across his plate.  
“I hate to leave what has been a most pleasant meal, but I have a busy day ahead of me tomorrow. You both have my card, don't you?” Aldous rose from the table and smiled. “And don't worry about the bill, ladies. I'll take care of that on the way out.”  
Neither woman spoke as they watched him walk down the stairs and over to the front desk. Cosima slowly uncurled her fingers from her skirt. _Holy shit._ Delphine was looking right at her, her chin resting on her fist. Perhaps it was trick of the dim lighting and way too much wine, but she could have sworn there were tears in Delphine's eyes.  
“Do you wanna get out of here?” Cosima asked.  
Delphine nodded.  
“Let's walk back to my apartment. Is that all right?”  
“Definitely.”

The fifteen minutes it took to walk back to Delphine's were surely the most tense of her life. Delphine had linked arms with her almost as soon as they were out of the restaurant, but said little. Cosima's attempts to lighten the mood fell flat; Delphine seemed focused entirely on putting one foot in the front of the other. It was undeniably cold now. Cosima took a drawn-out breath in. What the hell was she doing? She hadn't expected Delphine to know all of that about DYAD's research, and her barely concealed discomfort ( _pain,_ perhaps) during dinner had left a sinking feeling in the pit of Cosima's gut. This wasn't right. She barely knew Delphine, but it didn't matter. This wasn't right. Cosima felt her breath hitch in her throat. If Delphine noticed, she didn't show it. Her eyes were ever downcast, face forward. It was starting to snow. Delphine's curls, dotted with shimmering white, glowed in the street light. _Oh god, Cosima, what are you doing? Delphine is your subject._ Cosima wanted to gag. _Subject._ She was a scientist. But she never wanted to hear the word _subject_ again. She couldn't, or couldn't bring herself to, label the feeling, but all she wanted was to be closer to Delphine. Along with her doubts about the spying (because that was what it was), the betrayal of trust, being involved in an illegal cloning trial at all, really, she had been trying so very hard to force those other feelings down. What she had said about her past relationships at dinner had been true. _I can't have everything I tell her be a lie_.  
“Well, here we are,” Delphine said, her words loud in the quiet night air.  
She unlinked her arm from Cosima's to search her purse for keys.  
“Working for DYAD could be the opportunity of a lifetime,” Cosima said.  
 _Why are you still doing this?_ She moved to lean against the side of the building. Delphine nodded without looking up from her purse.  
“Yes, it could be.”  
She took the key and turned it in the door. Delphine gripped the handle in her gloved hand. She didn't push it open.  
“You don't seem that keen, though,” Cosima said. “Is it Dr. Leekie? 'cos I do kind of get a creeper-vibe from him too, if that's how you -”  
Delphine sighed and let go of the door.  
“Cosima,” she said, turning, “You really...You're not...”  
She closed her eyes. Cosima noticed the muscles in her throat contract. Delphine's hands balled into fists at her sides.  
“Cosima, don't you think it's time...”  
She opened her eyes and shook her head.  
“ _Merde.”  
_ Delphine pushed the door open behind her. It looked like the dark room was going to swallow her whole.  
“I'm sorry, Cosima, I know I'm not making any sense. I'm just tired.”  
She ran a hand over her hair and sighed again.  
“I suppose the workload really is getting to me. I'll text you later, okay?”  
She went to enter her apartment but Cosima reached out and took her hand.  
“Delphine,” she said so quietly she could almost pretend she hadn't.  
 _What are you_ doing _?  
_ “Delphine.”  
Delphine just looked at her. Really looked. Could she see everything? The breeze spun the falling snow between them. Cosima could feel her lower lip starting to tremble.  
“What is it?” Delphine finally whispered.  
Aldous was going to kill her. Actually, literally, kill her. No one would ever find the body.  
“You know, don't you. You know what this is really about.”  
She couldn't breathe. Delphine didn't look away.  
“You know why...why I...”  
The words wouldn't come. Delphine was looking right at her and all she could think of were those soft tears in her eyes at the restaurant. _Oh god._ Was it too late, now? Had she said too much? Could she take it back? _Cosima, you sentimental shithead._ She did the only thing she could think of doing. She rolled onto her toes, took Delphine's face between her hands, and kissed her.

Maybe dying wouldn't be so bad.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

Cosima's fingers trembled as she sent the email. She had been vague, glossed over the details...lied. But at least she wasn't lying to Delphine this time. She reclined in her chair and lifted her shaking hands to cover her face. _Shit, shit, shit, shit, fuck._ Her cell phone started to ring. She opened one eye and peered at the screen.  
“Uuuugh.”  
She plucked her phone from the desk and resigned herself to it.  
“Yeah, hi, Aldous.”  
“You sound tired.”  
“Something like that. Do you need something?”  
“I have some questions about the email you sent me.”  
 _Shit, shit, shit.  
_ “Shoot.”  
“Well, you say you walked Delphine back to her apartment after dinner tonight, and felt like she wasn't quite herself. Any idea what that could be about?”  
Cosima closed her eyes again. She took an agonizingly slow breath in.  
“Are you, like, being deliberately obtuse or what?”  
She bit her tongue. _Maybe not the best way to approach this, Niehaus...  
_ “Cosima, I don't really like the attitude. What do you mean?”  
Well, may as well go for it.  
“You couldn't tell she was a bit...confrontational with you, at dinner? Bringing up cloning without any prompting from you? She's clearly done her homework.”  
“Hmm, well, perhaps. Could be a coincidence. It's not concrete enough proof of anything.”  
Cosima shrugged.  
“It's not tangible proof, no, I guess.”  
“You went on to say that when you went to say good night, she made a pass at you? I'm curious about that one, Cosima.”  
“I don't know what to tell you, Aldous. Maybe she thought this woman who was suddenly interested in her every move, inviting her out all the time, taking her to dinner, might have a romantic motivation. Wouldn't be the craziest thing to take from it.”  
“Nothing we have on her file would indicate an interest in women.”  
Cosima could practically feel her eyeballs bursting from her skull.  
“While I'm here at the university, I should enroll you in a course on human sexuality.”  
Aldous sighed.  
“Cosima, enough. Tell me what happened.”  
“I did, in the email. She made a pass at me.”  
“She instigated it?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Cosima, if you're lying to me...”  
“Look, Aldous, shit. I wouldn't, okay? Even if I wanted to, I wouldn't. It's too risky.”  
She heard him sigh again.  
“Cosima, it's not that monitors don't often engage in romantic or sexual entanglements with the subjects. It's an effective way to collect the data we need. That's not the problem here. I just need to know that I can trust what you report to me. I've put a lot of faith in you. DYAD has put a lot of faith in you. I would hate for everything that you've worked for to be for nothing.”  
“Is that a threat? Seriously?”  
“Take it as well-meaning advice, Cosima.”  
 _You fucking smug asshole.  
_ “It was just, like, a little kiss. I went to say good night, she leaned over and kissed me. I left. That's it.”  
“Okay.”  
Cosima squeezed her eyes shut. She could feel her whole body trembling now. She had known he wouldn't buy her story, not completely.  
“It might work out for the best, as it happens.”  
“...What?”  
“Cosima, I'd rather have this discussion in person, but since we're already talking...Delphine's safety is at stake. The other subjects, too. I need you to find out if she has indeed made contact with any others. I need to know which ones.”  
A chill ran down Cosima's spine all the way to her toes.  
“Her safety...? What do you...What?”  
Aldous lowered his voice. It slithered through the phone and hissed in her ear.  
“Cosima. It is a direct threat. That is all I will say. So I need you to dig deeper, faster.”  
“You're telling me to...reciprocate.”  
“It wouldn't be so terrible for you, would it?”  
 _Let it slide, let it slide._  
“I'll do what I can to find out who she's contacted.”  
Cosima hung up the phone. Her shaking hands took her glasses from her face and let them go over the desk. Pulling her knees to her chest, she buried her face in them. Hot tears pricked the corners of her eyes.  
“Oh god, what have I done?”  
Her words were eaten by the silence of her apartment. It had seemed like the best thing to do. Tell him Delphine had misinterpreted her attention as more than friendly. That way Delphine would be the one to initiate any disclosure that might follow. That way it would seem like Delphine had no idea that she was being monitored. That way, that way... Aldous would never know she had almost ruined everything. She was sobbing now, her chest heaving with each ragged breath forced through her teeth. Her skirt was wet and warm against her face.  
“I am so stupid.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

The first thought in Delphine's mind when she opened her eyes was of Cosima's soft lips pressed so firmly against hers. She could still feel the warmth of Cosima's gloved hands on her cheeks, could still see Cosima's eyes squeezed shut only inches away. It had only lasted a moment, but... Delphine slipped a hand from under the covers to brush her mouth with her fingertips. Her eyes were fixed on the ceiling but she only saw Cosima. Cosima, who smelt vaguely of incense. Cosima, who laughed like no one was watching, like she didn't care if they were. Cosima. Her monitor. Delphine closed her eyes. Cosima didn't have to say it. It was written in the tremble of her lips and the shimmer in her eyes.  
“I am so stupid,” Delphine whispered.  
She sat up and let her legs dangle over the side of the bed. Her toes wiggled inside her socks. The sun was peeking in through a gap in the curtains, providing just enough light to see by. Delphine pushed herself to her feet and shuffled towards the kitchenette.  
“Coffee, coffee...”  
Instant wasn't great, but it would do. She filled a pot with water and set it on the stove. She placed her palms down flat on the bench. She had to meet up with Bess today. The sooner she had a chance to look at the samples in that briefcase, the better it would be for all of them. It was what she had come all the way from France for, after all. That, and it wasn't safe to stay in Europe any longer. If it had ever been safe in the first place. Pain struck her suddenly in the chest. _Danielle._ Delphine's head fell between her shoulders. She forced her eyes closed. She hadn't known her sister for long enough, but she was the first of them Delphine had met. They had gone to lunch together, shopping together, to a few movies together. Meeting her...it was like having a family again. Delphine sniffed and shook her head. She remembered how the old woman in the truffle store had smiled at her.  
“ _What a beautiful pair. Your parents must be so happy.”_  
She remembered her blush and the stammer of her mouth. Danielle had just laughed, thanking the old woman and leading Delphine from the store by the arm. She was the sister Delphine had always wanted. And now she was gone. No, not just gone, Delphine reminded herself. Danielle had been violently, viciously, taken. Bubbles were starting to form on the surface of the water. Delphine took her lower lip between her teeth. She had enough to worry about at the moment. She turned her head as her phone started to vibrate across her desk. _Could it be...?_ Her blood pounded through her veins. _Breathe, you can do it, breathe_. She dragged her feet towards the desk and lifted the phone.  
“ _Bonjour...?”_  
“Hey, Del, it's me.”  
“Oh.”  
Delphine's shoulders slumped. She let out a shaky breath.  
“Oh? Expecting someone else?”  
Delphine shook her head.  
“ _Non, non._ What do you need, Sara?”  
“It's probably nothing, but you haven't heard from Bess the past couple of days, have you?”  
Delphine cocked her head.  
“Hm, _non_. She sent me a message about a week ago. She was going to get the briefcase and meet with me this afternoon.”  
“Yeah, from the German.”  
“Sara, she has a name...Do you call me “the Frenchwoman” when you talk about me? ...Sara? Please tell me you don't.”  
Sara cackled.  
“Nah, course not, Del.”  
“ _Bien._ ”  
“But yeah, anyway, I tried calling her the other day, and then yesterday, and nothing. She doesn't reply to messages either. Alice is starting to lose it.”  
Delphine nibbled on her lower lip.  
“You don't think...”  
“I really fucking hope not, Del. But I don't know what else to think. Might go round to hers. The whole thing...It's been hard on her, yeah? Where were you meant to meet up?”  
“A park not too far from the station. But I think it would be better if you could go to her home. How long would it take you?”  
Sarah hummed into the phone.  
“I could be there in 2 hours.”  
Delphine ran her hand through her hair. She spun on her heel, sock gliding over wood, and paced beside the desk.  
“Actually, you know, I think if I left right now... _Oui,_ I will go. I am the one who needs the briefcase anyway.”  
“You sure? All right. Let me know what happens, yeah?”  
“Of course. _Ciao,_ Sara.”  
“Oh, wait, Del. What's going on with that monitor of yours?”  
“Oh. Nothing, really. We went to dinner last night.”  
Sara groaned.  
“Come on Del, stay away from her. She can't report on you if she doesn't know shite.”  
“Sara, it's like...I'm monitoring her, too. Besides, she might not even be...”  
“Not even gonna let you finish that one, Del.”  
“I need to go, Sara. I want to go and make sure everything is all right with Bess.”  
“Ugh, okay. See ya.”  
Delphine sighed as she released the phone onto the desk. Then she frowned. What was that splashing?  
“Oh, _merde._ ”  
The water was boiling over the side of the pot and spilling onto the stove top. Delphine hurried back to the stove and pulled it away. There wasn't going to be any time for coffee today.

Delphine's heeled boots clacked up the steps as she approached the door. She rapped against it twice, then three more times, and waited. Bess lived in a square apartment building that was all smooth concrete and glass. It suited her. A cold wind was blowing down the street, carrying with it autumn's last yellow leaves. Delphine had the hood of her jacket pulled over her head. Just in case.  
“Bess?” she said into the door.  
She pressed her ear up against it. There was the faintest shuffle.  
“Bess? Open the door, please. It's Delphine.”  
She knocked on the door again, hard. The door opened a crack and she saw her own eye squinting at her.  
“Bess, thank god. Can I come in?”  
Bess nodded once and opened the door just enough for Delphine to squeeze by her. There was clothing strewn all over the apartment, empty liquor bottles on the bench and the coffee table. The air was stale. Every curtain was drawn. Delphine turned to look at Bess. She was clad in what was once a white undershirt and pajama bottoms. She looked right back at Delphine with arms folded across her chest. Her mascara was caked around her eyes.  
“What happened?”  
Bess threw her hands up in the air.  
“Shit hit the fan.”  
“Bess, we were all so worried about you.”  
“Of course you were. Poor unstable Bess, right? Who knows what she's done?”  
Delphine lowered her head. She took a step towards her sister, ignoring the way Bess' whole body flinched away. Her usually straight hair was a tangle around her head. It reminded Delphine of Sara.  
“It's not...We mean well,” she managed, lamely. “Please, tell me what happened.”  
Bess pressed her back against the wall and slid to the ground. She stared at her knees.  
“The German's dead.”  
“What?”  
Delphine rushed to Bess. She dropped onto her knees and turned her head to look into Bess' face. It still felt strange to her, looking into a face that was exactly like her own. Her eyes found the mole, that same mole, on the tip of Bess' nose. She rested one hand on her knee.  
“Dead? How?”  
“Someone shot her. Through the windscreen of my car. Don't worry, I took care of the cleanup. No one is going to find her.”  
Delphine leaned back onto her heels. Someone _shot her_?  
“ _Merde,_ Bess, I wasn't even thinking of. _..Mon dieu,_ I am so glad you were not hurt... _”_ Her eyes narrowed. “Bess,” she said, glancing around the apartment, “Where's Paul?”  
Bess shrugged.  
“Who gives a fuck?”  
“Bess...”  
“He's away until next Saturday. Don't worry about him. He's not going to see...all of this.”  
Bess closed her eyes and titled her head back to rest against the wall.  
“I don't need this now. Not with the hearing coming up. Fuck.”  
Delphine didn't know what to say. What could you say? How could anything she could possibly say make any of this easier?  
“I suppose whoever is doing this...Whoever murdered Danielle and the others...” Delphine murmured.  
Katja was gone, too. Delphine's hand shook on Bess' knee. If Katja hadn't contacted her in France, warned her that they were being hunted, she could have ended up just like Danielle. She owed Katja for that. And now she could never repay her. Bess exhaled sharply through her nose.  
“Yeah, I'd say so.”  
A few moments passed between them in silence.  
“I got the briefcase, though. It's in my wardrobe.”  
Delphine swallowed with a nod. Bess let her head drop to the side. She looked at Delphine with her eyes half closed. Her lips curved up ever so slightly.  
“I know you wanted to ask, Del.”  
Delphine blushed, glancing at the floor. Her laugh came out in a huff.  
“You know me too well.”  
She hauled herself back to her feet and extended a hand to Bess. Relief flooded her when Bess accepted it.  
“Come on then,” Bess said, starting towards her bedroom. “I'm sure you're dying to take a look.”  
Delphine slipped her hands into her pockets and followed. Bess' bedroom was as messy as the rest of the apartment. Half the bedding lay on the floor. Delphine pretended not to notice the two pill bottles on the bedside table. Bess was stretching up to reach the top shelf in her wardrobe, her shirt riding up and revealing her back.  
“Bess, you know, with Paul...” Delphine started. She ran her tongue along her lips.  
Bess pulled the briefcase down and turned back to Delphine.  
“Let's not, Del.”  
“Oh, Bess, I just...”  
Delphine knit her brows.  
“I am not going to give you Sara's famous “why bother to keep pretending” speech. I know, I mean, I understand...why you stay.”  
Bess hugged the briefcase to her chest.  
“I just...I think I might be finding myself in a similar situation to you, and I don't know...”  
She raised her eyes to meet Bess'. She was frowning too, her mouth drawn in a thin line.  
“I am sure Sara told you?” Delphine continued, wondering why she didn't just stop talking, “About the woman at university? She's been trying to get close to me. I am no idiot,” she said, not believing it, “but I find myself drawn to her. I spend time with her even though I know...I am so sure she is my monitor. You were the first one of us to suggest someone would be watching us, after you found that...” ”  
Delphine breathed in.  
“And it made sense, you know? You stay, knowing our monitors are a way in. So I thought... I just, I get this sense, you know, that she wanted to tell me. We went to dinner last night and she walked me home. We were standing by my door. She looked like she might cry... She's not what I expected. But she didn't tell me anything. She...she _kissed_ me.”  
Delphine's hand rested on her mouth.  
“She _kissed_ me, Bess. And I can't stop thinking about it.”  
“Oh, Del.”  
Bess dropped the briefcase onto the bed and walked over to Delphine. She wrapped her arms around her, pulling her close. Delphine wasn't sure which one of them started to cry first. She could feel Bess' tears on her shoulder, their identical bodies trembling against one another.  
“ _Merde,_ this whole thing, Bess, it's, it's...”  
“So fucked up.”  
Delphine laughed but there was no joy to it.  
“That describes it perfectly.”  
Delphine tightened her hold on Bess and squeezed.  
“Are you going to be all right?”  
Bess nodded her head without lifting it from Delphine's shoulder.  
“Yeah, I'll be fine. Nothing more liquor and pills can't fix.”  
“Bess. That's not funny.”  
“I know. Sorry. But really, I'll be fine. Because of the whole, shooting a civilian thing, they've got me in even more therapy than before. So.”  
“I'm sorry.”  
“Don't be.”  
Delphine took a step back. She put her hands on Bess' shoulders and stared into her eyes. They were still moist but no more tears fell.  
“I am here for you. So is Sara, and so is Alice. Please, Bess, answer your phone when we call. I can't...”  
Delphine closed her eyes.  
“I can't lose another sister.”  
“Come on, Delphine,” Bess said, giving her a soft push, “You're not going to lose me.”  
Delphine sighed.  
“Okay, _bien._ Good.”  
“Are _you_ going to be all right?”  
“Now that,” Delphine said, “is a difficult question.”  
Delphine wiped her finger beneath her eye. It came back wet and black.  
“I don't know if this is really the best advice, Del, but...Do you _want_ to see her again? I don't think we can escape being monitored. It's terrifying, but anyone we meet could be a monitor. If she doesn't know that you're on to her, it's even better.”  
_Are you talking about Cosima, or are you talking about Paul, Bess?_  
“I understand what you mean. It's a situation of...how do you say it in English? The devil who you know?”  
Bess chuckled.  
“Yeah.”  
“I think that she has suspicions that I know what she is doing, but I have not confirmed it. I am sure I could learn more about our biology from her.”  
Bess rose one eyebrow.  
“Might learn a bit about her biology too, eh?”  
“Bess!”  
Delphine reached out and slapped her lightly on the arm. Her face was on fire.  
“I have to say, I didn't expect that about you,” Bess said after a beat. She rubbed her arm with exaggerated movement.  
“I must admit I did not expect it about myself.”  
Bess shrugged.  
“Who cares, anyway? You like who you like. So...are you going to see her again?”  
“I think Sara will kill me.”  
“Don't listen to Sara. She's not exactly the bastion of good decision-making.”  
Delphine laughed genuinely then.  
“True.”  
Bess took the briefcase from the bed. She held it out to Delphine without letting it go.  
“Here, take it, go home, find out what made the German sick. And, if you want to, call that monitor of yours.”  
Delphine took the briefcase with a small smile.  
“It will take at least two weeks for me to get the results. Thank you, Bess.”  
“Thank _you,_ Del. Thanks for coming and checking on me. I...I really appreciate it.”  
“Anytime. I mean that.”  
She gave Bess another tight hug.  
“Talk to you soon.”

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys :) I've been feeling a little uninspired lately, so I'm very sorry if I don't update as frequently. But don't worry, I'm still working on this :)

Cosima huffed, tossing her phone into the bag on her arm. Still nothing. It was taking all her self-control not to text Delphine, _again_ , but not hearing anything from her for three days... Cosima pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. _Why did you have to kiss her?_ She had seen Delphine in the lab yesterday, those beautiful curls falling around her face as she peered into a microscope. She had been talking with another student _._ He stood behind her, both hands shoved into his pockets, shoulders up. He glanced to the side whenever Delphine said something to him. Even from the other side of the room, half hidden behind a shelf, Cosima could hear his flustered laughter. She shook her head. It didn't matter. What mattered was getting closer to Delphine. Aldous' words echoed in her mind.  
“ _Delphine's safety is at stake_.”

Cosima twisted one of her rings around her finger and started walking. The sun was setting now, bathing the sky in a wash of pink and purple. The breeze brushed Cosima's neck beneath her bun and sent shivers across her skin. She about halfway back to her apartment when she heard her phone. Her hands scrambled for it.

“ _Bonsoir, Cosima. I think we should talk. Do you want to come over?”_

Cosima puffed up her cheeks and exhaled.

“Um, um, um.”

She wrote a message, deleted it, wrote another one. She stared at the phone, swaying back and forth on the balls of her feet.

“ _When's a good time for you?”_

Delphine's reply was immediate.

“ _Now.”_

“Wow, okay, okay.”

Cosima spun and hurried back the way she came, footsteps ringing in the empty courtyard. A caustic mix of apprehension and excitement bubbled up in her stomach and spilled through her body, tingling in her fingertips. Delphine's apartment wasn't far and she answered the door on the first knock.

“Cosima, hello.”

Cosima waved her hand. Delphine's eyes narrowed.

“Were you running? You look...flushed.”

“Oh, mmhm,” Cosima managed, drawing a deep breath in through her nose.

Delphine's mouth twitched ever so slightly.

“Oh, well, come in, Cosima.”

Cosima ducked her head and followed Delphine inside. She placed her bag on the floor beside the door.

“So, Delphine, about the other night... Apparently I've got this thing for like, um, jumping to conclusions?”

Cosima took a moment before looking directly at Delphine. Her hair was wet and pulled back into a messy bun, a few vagrant strands curling around her cheeks. She lowered her gaze.

“Oh, _non,_ Cosima...It's just, you know, I've never...”

Delphine inhaled through her teeth.

“That was the first time that...”

“Yeah, I know, I know. You're not gay.”

Cosima smiled. She shrugged her shoulders, palms out towards Delphine.

“I know I sort of just threw it on you and then left without any explanation. I'm an idiot. So, so sorry.”

Delphine was nodding, smiling a little even, but her eyes betrayed her.

“Delphine?”

Delphine's hollow smile stretched across her face. Cosima almost couldn't bear to look at it. There was no light in those eyes.

“Here, let me take your coat, Cosima.”

Cosima obliged. She handed the coat to Delphine and watched as she hung it behind the door.

“Delphine, you can talk to me, if you want.”

Delphine glanced at Cosima over her shoulder. There was the slightest taste of a real smile in her voice.

“Can I?”

“Of course, Delphine. We're friends.”

Cosima took a step closer.

“I just wanna like, make crazy science with you. That cool? Totally crazy science.”

Delphine chucked and shook her head as she turned back to face Cosima.

“Well, that's good. I was reading up on the DYAD Institute, actually. I thought...if Dr. Leekie really was serious with his offer, I have to at least consider it, don't I? Did you know about their transgenic organ transplant department?”

Cosima's face blossomed into a grin. Her hands danced around the air as she spoke.

“Really? That's awesome! I've been doing some reading into their work as well. Totally dorking out over their extrapolation of murine models...”

She hurried over to her bag and rifled through it.

“Have you seen it?”

Cosima took her bag over to Delphine's desk and continued her search. She spread the documents out. Delphine came to stand beside her, shoulder to shoulder. Cosima could smell the fruity scent of her shampoo. They stood together in silence, looking at the papers on the desk.

“You know, it's so great to meet someone who gets it...Who gets me.”

Cosima turned her head. Delphine was looking forward, but she was smiling. Really smiling. Cosima felt her gaze lingering over Delphine's lips.

“Yeah, ditto. Obvs.”

She shook her head and returned her focus to the documents. Delphine pressed her arm into Cosima's.

“You know, Cosima,” she said softly. “I can't stop thinking about that kiss.”

Cosima's mouth went dry. Her heart was hammering against her chest with such force she was sure Delphine could hear it too.

“You mean, like, not in a bad way?”

“Oh, like...”

Delphine stepped back and Cosima instantly missed the warmth. She forced her legs to stay rooted to the floor and not follow.

“Like...”

Delphine was almost pacing now.

“I know, as a scientist, that sexuality...It is a spectrum. But social biases, they codify attraction. It's...it's contrary to the biological facts. And if I am being honest with you, Cosima,” she paused, locking eyes with Cosima,“if I am being really, truly honest with you, I have been feeling... _something_...ever since you kissed me. Even maybe before that.”

_Oh my god._ Cosima rested her fingertips on her eyebrow and shook her head. Aldous wanted her to do this. _She_ wanted to do this. But _how_ could she? _How_?

“Cosima, have I upset you?”

Delphine was right in front of her. Cosima squeezed her eyes shut. She waved her hand at Delphine.

“No, no, you haven't done anything.”

Delphine took her lower lip between her teeth and slowly, ever so slowly, reached out to brush Cosima's cheek. Cosima opened her eyes. Delphine was nibbling her lip, the tops of her cheeks and the bridge of her nose spotted pink. She looked so...vulnerable. _She is,_ Cosima chided herself, _she is vulnerable. She's discovering something about herself that should be beautiful, but it's all wrong. It's all fake._ Cosima felt her eyes flicker back to Delphine's lip. _Maybe not_ all _fake..._ Did she have any idea how enticing that was?

“Cosima...”

Delphine's voice was a whisper that crawled across Cosima's skin. So soft, like her mouth had been for that brief, tragically brief, kiss.

“Delphine, I - “

Delphine leaned towards Cosima, moving her fingers to trace over Cosima's lips, before pressing their mouths together. Cosima's eyes fluttered closed. Delphine's hand cupped the back of her neck. There was no room to think; she didn't _want_ to think any more. She parted her lips and sighed as Delphine's tongue met hers. Delphine closed what was left of the space between them with the crushing force of her hips. It felt hot suddenly, so hot, prickling over her. Cosima grabbed Delphine's waist and held her close, a moan slipping from Delphine's mouth and into hers. She had to stand on her toes, crane her neck, but there was something intoxicating about that. Delphine, standing over her, taking control of at least this one thing. Heat surged into her groin as Delphine started to run her fingers down. She brushed over Cosima's breasts, her hand lingering over the buttons of her blouse.

“Delphine,” Cosima breathed, breaking the contact of their mouths and instantly wishing she hadn't, “Let's take it slow, okay?”

Delphine pushed their mouths back together. She nodded her head, hummed into Cosima, her hand working the top button loose. She drew Cosima's top lip between her teeth.

“Delphine...”

Cosima placed her hands on Delphine's chest and took a step back.

“Delphine, slow down.”

Delphine's frowned, a flash of confusion in her darkened eyes.

“Cosima, I'm sorry, did I do something wrong?”

“Oh, no, god, no.”

Cosima titled her head and looked up into Delphine's face. She smiled.

“I like it. Really. I just...”

She gripped Delphine's shirt. _I can't do it. Not like this._

“I just want to slow down a bit.”

Delphine nodded, licking her lips.

“ _Oui_ , of course.”

Cosima brushed a stray strand of hair from Delphine's face. Delphine refused eye contact, her cheeks on fire beneath Cosima's fingers. Her lips were wet, swollen from kisses, slightly parted as she took heavy breath after heavy breath.

“You're so beautiful,” Cosima whispered.

Delphine glanced at her from beneath heavy lids. Just for a moment.

“I mean it, Delphine. You are so beautiful.”

Cosima pressed another kiss to her lips.

“I'm like, so glad, that you invited me over. I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this.”

Delphine's laugh escaped with a snort.

“I don't know what I expected either, Cosima.”

“It's important to me that you understand I'm not saying 'no', though, Delphine. I'm just saying 'not yet'. Okay?”

Delphine nodded, faster this time.

“It's okay.”

“Good. Because...”

She snaked one hand up Delphine's spine. It came to rest on the back of her neck, pulling her face close. The tips of their noses brushed together.

“I definitely want to revisit this some other time. Soon. You know, for science.”

“Oh, me too, Cosima. Me too.”

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the next chapter everyone. Also, my tumblr is sacredmolecule.tumblr.com if you're interested :)

It was Delphine's idea to go to the bistro on the edge of campus for an early dinner the next evening. She ordered for them too, cassoulet and red wine.

“It's like, ah, a casserole? With pork, a tomato sauce, and white beans. Originally it comes from the south of France, but my _maman_ used to make it quite often. I am from Lille, you know, in the north? The one they make here is good. Not perfect, but good. And I am sorry...I am going on a bit.”

Delphine lowered her gaze and bit her lip.

“Hey, it's cool. It's kind of cute, actually. But Delphine, and I should have said this earlier, I don't really eat meat.”

Delphine's eyes shot up from the table.

“Oh, _merde,_ Cosima!” she said through the fingers pressed against her lips, “I am so sorry! I will call the waiter back and you can choose something else.”

Cosima held her smile as Delphine spun in her chair and gestured wildly at the waiter. Her face was already flushed. _She's too cute._

“Can I just get it without the pork? Is it any good like that?”

Delphine cocked her head. She clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth.

“Hm. I'm not sure. The sauce does have a rich flavour on its own...”

“I'll just try it, then. I want to try what you've recommended me.”

“ _Bien._ ”

When the waiter returned to the kitchen with their revised order, Delphine slumped back into her seat. She pushed her fingers through her curls, tussling them around her face.   
“Really Cosima, I am sorry about that.”

“It's totally cool, Delphine. All part of getting to know each other a little better, right?”

Delphine nodded slowly.

“Ah well, yes, I suppose you're right. At least I ordered the right wine.”

“You totally did.”

They exchanged a smile, clinking their glasses together.

“So...” Cosima started, her smile growing, “do you come here often? The food remind you of home?”

Delphine moved her head from shoulder to shoulder.

“I have been here three times since I transferred here...Twice for a quick lunch, and once for dinner. It's nice to see the French options, even if they do not taste quite the same, I suppose...”

“I can't even imagine,” said Cosima, wide-eyed. “This is the furthest I've ever lived from home. And it's not even that far.”

Delphine leaned towards Cosima. She edged her hand across the table.

“You're from San Francisco, am I correct? I've never been, but I have...heard of it.”

Cosima had to laugh at that.

“I bet you have. It has a certain reputation, for sure.”

She winked at Delphine over the rim of her glass, her pulse quickening when Delphine's flush became a full-blown blush. Her hand, halfway to Cosima's now, twitched. Cosima grinned. For that moment she felt like she wasn't a monitor learning about ( _spying on)_ her subject. She was just Cosima. Cosima, a gay girl on a _date_ with a stunningly beautiful Frenchwoman. A stunningly beautiful, intelligent, charming, funny, Frenchwoman. Her eyes traced over Delphine's freckled nose to her downcast eyes, over long lashes that kissed red cheeks. Her body hummed with the same electricity that forced Delphine to drum her fingers against the table. _How is this even real?_ She imagined learning forward and taking Delphine's lips with her own. Suddenly the waiter was beside them. He cleared this throat.

“Excuse me, ladies. Your meal is ready.”

“Oh, uh, thanks dude.”

They were only a few mouthfuls in when Delphine put her spoon down. She padded her napkin around her mouth, never taking her eyes from Cosima.

“Do you like it?”

“Yeah, it's good. Not too bad even without the meat.”

“ _Bien, bien_. That's good.”

Delphine fidgeted with her fingers in her lap and glanced around the restaurant.

“Tell me, Cosima, would you mind if we took this wine back to my apartment and just ah, talked?”

Cosima rose an eyebrow, a smile playing on her lips. Her tongue peeked out from between her teeth.

“Just _talked_?”

“Yes, you brat,” Delphine almost whispered, “Just talked. I feel like I have so much I want to ask you.”

Cosima couldn't stop smiling. She shrugged back into her chair, raising her hands.

“Hey, I don't have a problem with doing a bit more than talking.”

“You are _such_ a brat.”

 

“I finally bought a couch,” Delphine said with a smile, turning the key in the door.

She swung it open and waited for Cosima to go inside first. Cosima sauntered over to the new piece of furniture, letting her bag slip from her arm. She ran her fingers along the plush backrest.

“It's nice,” she said.

Cosima started to remove her coat, her eyes scanning the room around her. The little plant on Delphine's desk looked like it had received some much needed attention since the last time she was here, its leaves bright and perky. The desk was busier now, covered in papers, books, and pens. There was a new bookshelf beside the bed too. Cosima walked over to it, her fingers releasing the final button on her coat. She rolled it up under her arm. _Science journals, textbooks, French...romance novels?_ Cosima dropped to her knees, tilting her head. There was something else, a case of some sort, behind the row of books.

“Would you like some wine right away?” Delphine asked from the kitchenette, looking at Cosima over her shoulder.

“Yeah, that'd be great, thanks.”

Delphine nodded. She stared at Cosima's back for a moment before taking two glasses from the cabinet.

“See anything that interests you?”

Cosima closed her eyes and smiled. She twisted her body to face Delphine, still on her knees.

“Do you mean on the bookshelf, or in general? Because I quite like the look of you.”

Delphine scoffed, curls swaying as she shook her head.

“I did mean on the book shelf, yes. But thank you. I think.”

“My pleasure.”

Cosima rose to her feet and approached the couch. She bent at the waist, leaning over the backrest, her chin in the palm of her hand.

“The place is looking nice and homey now,” she said, gesturing around the room with her other hand.

“Oh, _merci._ ”

Delphine brought the wine glasses over and sat down.

“Come, sit,” she said.

The couch was small and their knees brushed together as Cosima settled into it. She took a large sip of her wine, pressing her leg into Delphine. _She is beautiful, really,_ Cosima thought, smiling inside at just how often she thought it. Delphine's cheeks weren't so rosy now. Perhaps she feels more comfortable here, in her own apartment, her own space. _I could study her all day. No, not study. Wrong word._ Delphine's face was dotted with moles. That one on the tip of her nose always caught Cosima's eye, but she had also come to know the one below her mouth, the way it moved when Delphine caught her lip with her teeth. They suited her so perfectly. Everything about her was perfect. Cosima admired the way she had done her makeup, bronze eyeshadow radiating a warmth that complimented golden irises. They flicked to catch her gaze and Cosima felt that warmth rush under her skin. It tingled up the back of her neck to where her hairline met her forehead.

“Delphine,” she said softly, her tongue darting out to wet her lips, “you said you had some things you wanted to ask me?”

“Ah, _oui_ , I did...”

Delphine took a gulp of her wine, followed quickly by another, and put the glass down on the floor.

“I _did_ have some things I wanted to ask you, but they don't seem so important right now.”

“Oh?”

“Mmm. Now that you're here, I just want to...”

She paused, pressing her own leg into Cosima's. She let her eyes linger over Cosima's mouth, let Cosima notice her doing it. Cosima felt heat rising to her face.

“Oh, I get it, I get it. So you didn't want to just talk, after all!”

Delphine slapped her thigh.

“I did! I just...don't want to, now.”

“Ow, okay, okay.”

Cosima ran her hand over her leg where Delphine had touched her. She put her empty glass down on the ground and then she was upon her, her tongue slipping between Delphine's parted lips. Delphine moaned with surprise but kissed back, hungrily sucking Cosima's tongue into her mouth. Cosima closed her eyes. She could taste wine and something that was uniquely Delphine. Her hands pushed Delphine into the couch as she rose onto her knees. Her dreads dangled over her shoulders and onto Delphine's face. It felt good above her. Delphine's breasts rose to meet her, so wonderfully brushing against her own chest. Cosima ran her hand over the plain of Delphine's stomach, the tight muscles quivering at her touch. She slipped her fingers beneath the hem of her shirt. The skin she found was so much softer, so much warmer, than she could have imagined. And she had imagined it. Oh, how she had imagined it. Soon she could feel the damp press of her underwear against her crotch and she drew back, wiping her mouth across the back of her hand. Delphine released her with reluctance. _Slow down, slow down...Not tonight. Tonight you need to..._

“Delphine,” Cosima panted, “You know, I'm starting to regret leaving the bistro without finishing my food. Or having anything for dessert.”   
  
“Aren't we having dessert right now?”

Delphine's eyes were dark, half-closed. She drew her tongue along her bottom lip.

“Oh, we are, we are. But I am pretty hungry. Do you have anything? Like ice cream or something?”

Cosima sat back and watched as Delphine walked over to the fridge, entranced by the sway of her hips and ass in tight jeans.

“Hmm.”  
  
Delphine was bent over, her head obscured by the open fridge door.

“ _Non_ , not really...I could go down to the store though, if you like? It's not far.”

“If you don't mind,” Cosima said.

There it was again, that niggle. It wormed its way from the back of her mind down into her gut and twisted through her innards. Delphine smiled at her. A smile that lit up her whole face and shone in her eyes.   
  
“I don't mind at all. I'll be right back.”

The niggle continued to twist and turn. _But you have to_ , another voice said. _Her safety is at stake._ The niggle hissed. _Her safety? What's the danger, exactly? You don't even know, do you._ Cosima closed her eyes as the apartment door shut behind Delphine. She counted the steps she could hear in the hall until she couldn't hear them anymore. She pushed herself from the couch and went straight to the bookshelf, reaching right into the back for that case. A copy of _Les deux amants_ fell to the floor with a slap Cosima didn't even hear. She unzipped the case with shaking hands.

“Oh fuck, oh shit,” she whispered.

Passports, birth certificates, notes scrawled in a variety of handwriting. A list of names, addresses. Delphine _had_ been in contact. She _did_ know the others. _She knew she was a clone_. _Oh shit._ Cosima turned her head towards the door, listening, but all was still. She turned back to the papers and her eyes fell upon two names, connected by an arrow in neon highlighter pink. _Sara Manning -- > Kira Manning (age 7). _Cosima scrambled towards her bag, almost losing her footing on the wooden flooring. She grabbed her phone and dialed Aldous' number before she could convince herself not to.

“Hello? Cosima?”  
  
“Yeah, hi, it's me. Look, I don't have much time, but-”

“You sound out of breath.”  
  
“Just listen, okay? She could get back at any minute.”  
  
“Where are you? At Delphine's?”  
  
“Yes, would you just listen for a moment?”

“I'm listening.”

Cosima took a shuddering breath. _You have to, you have to._

“You have to promise me, Aldous. That Delphine will be safe. Her desire for this knowledge, to understand who she is...it makes perfect sense. I mean, it's one of life's biggest questions, for all of us. Clone or not. Where do I come from? Who am I? You have to promise me.”

“Of course, Cosima. Trust me, I'm protecting her. So, what is it?”

Cosima squeezed the words from her lips and her eyes shut.

“She knows she's a clone. For sure. And she's aware of at least...seven...others. She's had contact.”

“I need their names.”

“Oh, yeah, of course, um, so some of them seem to be dead...but they're Janika Zingler, Danielle Fournier, Aryanna Giordano, Katja Obinger, Alice Hendrix, Bess Childs, and Sara Manning.”

“Sara Manning? Hm. Anything else on her?”

Cosima didn't open her eyes.

“No. Nothing.”

“Okay, thank you, Cosima, I am-”

“I have to go, Aldous. I can hear her coming. See ya.”

Cosima dropped her phone into her bag and exhaled. She stood immobile, forcing the butt of her hand between her eyebrows. Her heart thumped against her chest. She could feel the hot prick of tears behind her eyelids but swallowed them down. There would be time for that later. Cosima straightened the papers as best she could and put them back in the case behind the books. Everything in her body screamed at her to get out of there, to run home as fast as her legs could take her. She didn't want to see Delphine's smile. Unassuming. Trusting. But she couldn't just leave, could she? She would have to stomach whatever dessert Delphine brought back for her. She would have to laugh and talk and smile and maybe kiss until it was polite enough to leave. She just... had to. So she went back to the couch, crossed her legs, clasped her hands in her lap, and waited.

_It'll keep her safe... Right?_

 


	10. Chapter 10

The ringing of her cell phone jolted Cosima from sleep. Bleary-eyed, she wiped the back of her hand across her mouth. It came away sticky and she groaned. The pillow was damp beneath her face. There was a distinct fogginess behind her eyes. _Did I really drink that much?_ The phone continued to ring. With another groan, Cosima switched on her bedside lamp. She scrunched up her eyes, reaching for her glasses, pushing them up her nose. The world settled into focus. She flicked a glance at the clock. _5.17 am. Who the hell is calling me this early?_

“Yeah, hello?” she answered, letting a hint of agitation show.

“Cosima! Good morning. I'm so sorry to call you at this time, but-”

Delphine's voice wavered. Cosima sat up as she heard her breath hitch. She clasped the sheets to her breast.

“Delphine? What's going on? Are you all right?”

Delphine said nothing. There was a slight whimper and another shaky breath.

“Delphine? Come on, you're kind of scaring me a bit here...”

“I'm sorry. Cosima, I know it's so early, but would you be able to meet me somewhere? I... I think it would be easier to talk about this in person. I just... I need to talk to someone.”

Cosima felt her head bobbing up and down. A phantom hand reached around her chest and squeezed.

“Yeah, yeah, of course, um...”

She pushed the blankets down and clambered from the bed. Her hand ran over her dreads. When she spoke, her words gushed from her lips.

“Yeah, that's totally cool. Where do you want to meet? Are you close by?”

Cosima's bare feet padded across the floor.

“You know, in the courtyard, by the sculpture? Where we went after Dr. Leekie's lecture? I'll wait there.”

“Okay, cool, cool. I can be there in like, 20 minutes? I promise I won't be late.”

“See you soon, Cosima.”

Delphine ended the call. Cosima felt her own breath catch in her throat and shook her head. There wasn't time to run through every scenario that could have caused Delphine to sound like that. She could really go for a joint right now, but there wasn't enough time for that either. She had promised she wasn't going to be late this time. And she meant it. The idea of Delphine, surely crying, arms wrapped around her chest as she waited in the courtyard, alone, in the dark... Cosima pulled on the first dress she found, wriggling a sweater over it. Woolen leggings worked their way up her legs. She applied her makeup with as much speed as was possible without stabbing herself in the eye and stuffed her feet into leather ankle-boots. She wrapped herself up in her coat, grabbed her bag, and let the door slam behind her as she stepped into the cold morning air.

 

Delphine _was_ hugging herself, legs bending and straightening at the knee over and over. She had a white woolen hat pulled halfway down her forehead. A single streetlamp illuminated her, all else silent and black. Cosima held her breath in her chest and increased her pace. Delphine turned at the sound of Cosima's boots clattering across the concrete. A small smile ghosted over her face.

“Cosima,” she whispered, the word slipping out in a puff of warm air.

“I hope you haven't been waiting too long.”

“ _Non, non_. You came very quickly... Thank you.”

Cosima rolled her shoulders. Closer now, she could see the redness around Delphine's eyes, mascara smudged. She was wearing the same clothing she had been at dinner.

“Did you get any sleep?”

Delphine shook her head.

“After you left... _merde_ , what time was that...I got a phone call from, from a friend...”

Cosima reached out and put her hand on Delphine's arm. She wanted to press, wanted to ask, but she waited. Delphine deserved for her to wait. She deserved the chance to share information, without that information being stolen from her.

“ _Merde,_ ” Delphine whispered again.

Her eyes were squeezed closed. She licked her lip and reached into her bag.

“I really could use a cigarette right now,” she said.

Cosima watched as Delphine's shaking hands rose the cigarette to her mouth. She struggled with the lighter and swore again.

“Here, let me,” Cosima said, taking it.

Delphine's eyelids fluttered as the smoke entered her lungs. She held it in for a few moments before exhaling through her nose. Cosima waited. Her desire for knowledge, her curiosity, that drive that made her want to understand the world and everything in it, the very reason she had become a scientist in the first place... She could feel it pressing behind her lips. _Tell me what happened._ She tried to forget it, tried to ignore it, but she was a monitor. She could see now why Leekie had asked her. She wasn't cut out to be a spy, no. She doubted it was even possible to be less smooth than she was. But she always wanted to _know_. She would do anything to _find out_. And yet... Today she just wanted to stand here in the dark, the streetlamp casting light on Delphine and shadow on everything else, watching Delphine smoke and breath and _be._ She was beautiful, so beautiful. It didn't matter that she was a clone, it didn't matter that she was Cosima's subject. Cosima felt her stomach clench. She wanted to know because she was scared. She wanted to know so that she could help. She wanted to smooth the crease in Delphine's brow, wanted to soothe the tension from her shoulders, wanted to kiss the tears from the corners of her eyes. She wanted to because...

 

_No._

 

She shook her head. It was too soon to be thinking that. But it was the truth. She knew it because she could _feel_ it, with every cell that made up her body she could feel it.

 

She hadn't planned on actually falling for Delphine.

 

She wasn't supposed to.

 

But she had.

 

“Delphine.”

Delphine opened her eyes. She flicked the butt of her cigarette with a painted finger, the ash floating away. Cosima reached out and traced the back of her hand down Delphine's cheek.

“It's okay,” she whispered.

She moved closer, their faces almost touching. Delphine sniffed. She locked eyes with Cosima.

“It's okay, if you don't, if you can't...”

“My friend,” Delphine said, her voice cracking at the word, “She was going for a evening jog, in the park near her house...Someone _attacked_ her.”

She spat out that sentence. There was hate there, fear too.

“I'm so sorry, god, Delphine, that's awful. Is she okay?”

Delphine shook her head.

“I don't know. The hospital said she was in a critical condition...She suffered two stab wounds to her abdomen.”

Cosima frowned.

“The hospital called you?”

“Oh, _non, uh,_ her sister did.”

Cosima nodded slowly. _Her friend? Her friend's sister?_

“God, Delphine...She was stabbed twice? That's horrifying.”

Delphine's eyes were watering. She rubbed at them and sighed.

“I'm sorry, Cosima, I just, I didn't know what to do.”

“Do you want to go and visit? I don't know what the hospital's visiting hours are and I'm sure they're not six in the morning, but I could go with you if you like and-”

“Oh, thank you Cosima, but it's okay,” Delphine said quickly. She forced a smile. “I don't even know if they would let me in, you know? If she's in intensive care... I think they would only let family in...?”

Cosima nodded again. There was something not quite right about this, but she knew she couldn't dig any further without Delphine becoming as suspicious as she was. It was nothing a call to Aldous couldn't clear up. The thought made bile rise in her throat and she suppressed the urge to spit. Desperate times, and all that. Cosima shoved her hands into the pockets of her coat.

“The cold is starting to get to me. Do you want to go somewhere?”

Delphine bit her lip.

“I should probably go home and try to get some sleep.”

“Yeah, of course,” Cosima paused. “Will you be all right?”

“ _Oui,_ Cosima. Thank you. I'm so sorry I woke you.”

“Totally fine, seriously. This is serious. Let me know, okay? How your friend is doing? Or if there is anything I can do.”

Delphine reached out and pulled Cosima into her chest, her chin resting on Cosima's dreadlocks. She held her so tightly Cosima could hardly breathe, but she didn't care. Not even a little bit. She inhaled, the smell of Delphine's skin mingled with perfume and cigarette smoke. She wrapped her arms around Delphine's waist. When Delphine did finally release her it still felt too soon.

“ _Ciao,_ Cosima. I will see you later.”

She pecked Cosima on the cheek and took a step back.

“ _Ciao,_ ” Cosima said softly, watching Delphine disappear into the dark.

And then she was alone. She stuffed her hands back into her pockets and turned to walk home. She glanced back over her shoulder and thought, just for a moment, that she saw Delphine do the same. It was too dark to be sure. Her heart chose to believe it was true.

 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys :)   
> This will be the last update for a little bit (just over Christmas/New Year's, because I won't be home much). Hope you enjoy it! And thanks so, so much to everyone who has been supporting me so far. You're honestly the best.

Delphine spent the two weeks Bess stayed in hospital trying to focus on her studies. Trying to focus on anything _but_ the fact that Bess had been stabbed, twice, or that being around Cosima was proving more and more difficult. Every time Cosima smiled, or laughed, or kissed her gently on the lips, Delphine felt a twinge in the centre of her chest. And how foolish, how stupid, she had been to call Cosima that night! _Merde, Delphine,_ she told herself, _you know she's your monitor, surely she is...and still you call her and cry about Bess (another clone!) to her. Does love really make you so stupid?_ Her heart sprung into her throat and choked her. _Love? Non, non._ She needed to meet with Scott, get her head back into finding out what had made Katja ill and if there was any risk to the rest of them. That was what was most important right now. She had a duty to her sisters, to Katja and to Danielle who lost their lives, to Bess who was clinging to hers... Delphine closed her eyes and drew a long breath. It was taking longer than she had hoped to get results, but Scott said he had the latest blood work ready for her in the lab. Delphine crinkled her nose. Scott was...well, odd. He was helpful and well-meaning too, of course... plus his infatuation with her meant he was more than willing to put in that extra time and effort. All it took was a few flashing smiles, a ' _merci Scott, you're amazing'_ every now and again. She had always had that effect on men and chose not to shy away from using it. Besides, her sisters needed her. And she would do whatever it took to help them.

 

Scott was waiting for her in the lab with a bundle of papers under his arm. He was leaning back onto a table and started when he saw her.

“Hey, Delphine,” he said, smiling at his shoes.

Delphine returned his greeting with a wave.

“ _Bonjour_ Scott, are those the results?”

“Yeah, here they are.”

Delphine spread the documents out on the table and leaned over them.

“So uh, yeah, there aren't any signs of respiratory disease in these...The blood work all looked fine too, no signs of an infection...”

Scott pointed at the data, careful to avoid brushing his arm against hers. He glanced at Delphine out the corner of his eye.

“Hmm.”

“Yeah, and each one has an individual sequence, here, different from the rest.”

Delphine didn't look up. She drew her lip between her teeth and glanced over the data again.

“And you ran the BSR, for genetic markers?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, here. Nothing. Really all I could say is that it seems to be autoimmune...You said the symptoms were shortness of breath, coughing up blood?”

“Yes.”

Scott stole a glance at Delphine, cheeks turning pink, and pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose.

“So, uh, what exactly are you hoping to find?”

“If I told you, Scott, I would have to kill you.”

He laughed, looking away again.

“Oh, right on. Fair enough.”

Delphine stacked the papers and slipped them into her bag. She smiled at him.

“Thank you, Scott, really. I'm sorry I can't stay. I'll see you later.”

“Yeah, yeah, 'course. Bye, Delphine.”

 

Delphine wore her smile until she was out of the lab. _Still nothing_. She pulled her bag close, knuckles white around the leather strap. With a heavy sigh Delphine took her cell phone from her coat pocket.

“ _Salut, did you get discharged as planned?”_

“ _Hey Del! Yes, thank fuck. Paul picked me up this morning. No way I'm going to be able to get him to leave though so maybe I'll Skype when he's in the shower? We really need to talk.”_

Delphine furrowed her brow, fingers lingering over the screen. It had been hard, not being able to visit Bess in the hospital. Sara had tried, once, narrowly avoiding running into Paul. He almost never left. Alice was practically pulling out her hair.

“ _Okay. I am heading back home now. I'll be ready when you call.”_

Delphine slipped her phone into her pocket and headed back to her apartment. With every step the satchel dug into her shoulder, a constant reminder of the disappointment inside. That said... Those individual genetic sequences _were_ interesting and definitely warranted further study. Some sort of identifier, a bar-code, perhaps? Snow had been falling for the last few days, coating the campus in white. Most students had finished their exams and were heading home for the holidays. Delphine stopped. This would be her first Christmas outside of France. Not that she was sure if it really mattered. When _was_ her last actually happy Christmas? She had visited _maman_ last year, despite her better judgment. The lively decorations, the sharp scent of pine, the delighted giggles of her younger cousins juxtaposed with every admonishing word from her mother's mouth. _Why haven't you settled down yet? What was wrong with Remy? You know, it's because you are studying all the time. Men don't want a wife who is cleverer than they are. And you barely cook!_ Red-cheeked and surrounded by family, Delphine had been silent, her lips pursed around her own harsh words. _What do you know, maman? Look at what happened to your own marriage!_ She swallowed them. It was Christmas, after all. Delphine continued on her way to her apartment. What would _maman_ say if she could see her now? Kissing a _woman_? _Falling for a woman?_ She hadn't asked Cosima what her holiday plans were yet, though as a monitor she wouldn't have much choice but to stay, would she? Too much precious data could be lost otherwise. Delphine tasted a sour film forming on her tongue. The scientist in her recognised her value. A successful, albeit illegal, human cloning trial! She couldn't say she wouldn't do what Cosima was doing if she were in her place. But she was a person too, wasn't she? Did she not deserve the right to her own life, her autonomy, her privacy? Delphine sighed. Now wasn't the time for an existential crisis. Best to save that for when she was trying to fall asleep at night like everyone else. Delphine's key clicked in the lock and she pushed open the door. The room was shrouded in half-light, curtains still drawn. She unzipped her boots. Her laptop whirred to life as she pressed the power button and freed her neck from her scarf. She ran her hands up the back of her neck, through her hair, fingers combing her it to the tips. The snow caked to the bottom of her boots was already beginning to puddle on the floor. Delphine looked over at her bookshelf, the beginnings of a sad smile tugging at her lips. _Les deux amants_ was back in its rightful place. Cosima was not as nearly as sneaky as she thought. It should have made Delphine angry, but she simply felt that warm rush in her chest at the very thought of Cosima. Delphine's curls bobbed as she turned back to her computer and settled into her chair. She stared at the desktop without really seeing it. _You're in over your head._ Delphine blinked as Skype popped up and began to ring.

“Hey, Del.”

Bess' face filled her screen. The room was bright around her, the sunlight reflecting off white walls. Delphine could see the dark circles under her sister's eyes. Her hair was limp and dull and starting to curl at her shoulders.

“Bess! I am so glad to see you!”

“Same here. Was a bit worried I wouldn't be seeing any of you again.”

“Bess...”

“Yeah, I know. Not funny.”

Bess wriggled back into the pillows propped up against the headboard. The view shifted around the room as she repositioned her laptop on her knees.

“How are you doing? Much pain?”

Bess went to shrug.

“Ow.”

She winced, screwing up one eye.

“I've certainly been better. But I can't complain. I'm alive.”

Delphine nodded slowly.

“I'm so glad,” she whispered.

“Come on, Del. We need to be quick anyway. Paul _actually_ went out to grab me something from the shop and I just know he'll be going as fast as he can. He won't even let me go to the bathroom on my own.”

“ _Can_ you go on your own?”

Bess scoffed with a roll of her eyes.

“Yes, Del. I just have to go really slowly. But seriously, we need to talk. I haven't told Sara about this yet, and please, please, don't tell Alice, but...I think the person who attacked me was a clone, too.”

Delphine didn't say anything. She _couldn't_ say anything. There was no air. Why was there no air?

“She jumped at me, from the treeline. Wild dark curls all around her head. She had a hood on but I could see her face when she pushed me onto the ground. She was damn strong. I don't know if it was my police training, or plain animal instinct, but I managed to get back onto my feet. She stabbed me then. We were moving too much for her to be able to target anything. The doctors said she missed my organs. I should have had my fucking piece on me.”

Bess closed her eyes and shook her head.

“Fucking stupid. Anyway, I managed to wrestle the knife from her and got a good stab in before someone heard us fighting and came over. I was losing a lot of blood and it gets pretty fuzzy from there...I guess she ran off. No idea how wounded she was.”

Delphine's mouth was dry.

“Why would a...a...why would one of us be doing this?”

“You've got me there, Del. It's all I've been thinking about for the two long weeks I've been stuck in bed.”

“Did she, I don't know...say anything?”

“She sort of whispered my name in my face. Her breath stunk. Does that help?”

Bess let out a weak chuckle and winced again.

“How's it been going on your end? With the samples?”

“Nothing yet. I'm sorry, Bess.”

“Hey, no worries. If we have anything to worry about I'm sure you'll figure it out. I'd better go, Sara wants me to call her too. And please, like I said, not a word about our attacker being a clone to Alice. She'll flip.”

“Of course. Take care of yourself, Bess. I'll talk to you again soon.”

Delphine closed her laptop and slid down into her chair. _Merde_. A clone. That was just what she needed right now. Delphine bit her lip. What she needed right now... She reached for her phone.

“ _Hello Cosima, are you doing anything for Christmas?”_

 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so, I maybe had a bit more time for writing than I thought I would! :)   
> Sorry about this one, though.

Delphine's legs wouldn't stop jiggling.

“Um, um...”

She threw a sweater into her bag, followed by her keys, her phone. She put her hands on her hips. Her eyes scanned the apartment, one foot tapping against the floor.

“Ah!”

Delphine gathered some printouts of DYAD's research from her desk and stuffed them down the side of the bag. She picked up a bottle of red wine, ribbon tied around the neck, running her finger over the label. A syrah, from France's Rhone Valley. Cosima would surely appreciate the taste and aroma of the blackcurrant, the toffee undertones that came from resting the wine in oak barrels. Delphine smiled. She slipped the bottle into a paper bag and lay it beside her satchel. Her hands shook, her whole body set to vibrate. Cosima wasn't expecting her until at least 5 o'clock, but her legs screamed _go_ and she had to oblige them. Maybe she could do a lap around the campus to make the walk take longer. Anything to burn off this energy pounding through her system.

 

The winter sun was already making its way below the horizon when Delphine stepped outside. The snow sparkled in those last soft rays, a Christmas tree twinkled in the window of the building across the way. Naked trees shuddered in the breeze. Delphine closed her eyes and inhaled. She held the breath in her lungs, the chill burning like a good cigarette. She counted to five, released the air back out into the evening, drew another breath. A prickle scratched the back of her throat. Her forehead creased. A little cough bubbled up and she caught it on the back of her glove. _Maybe I have been smoking a bit too much._ Delphine set out. The snow crunched beneath her boots. Someone had managed to string a row of tree lights along the roof of the dorms, assumedly without slipping to their death. Delphine shivered, drawing her shoulders in and clasping her hands to her breast. Another cough worked its way up her throat. She leaned forward into it, burning and wet all at once. When she opened her eyes, stared into the palm of her hand, the red spray was stark against the white wool of her gloves. There was little time to think before the next fit forced her onto her knees. The cold bit her through her jeans. There was no sound at all save for strangled breathing between harsh hacks, everything else smothered by the silence of freshly falling snow. The thick taste of metal coated Delphine's throat, her tongue, the back of her lips.

 

_Cosima._

 

_Cosima!_

 

_Help!_

 

When it finally stopped, arms shaking to support her, Delphine opened her eyes. The snow before her shone crimson. She struggled for air, willing the world to stop spinning, begging her lungs to _work, work, please._ She pushed back onto the building beside her. _Breathe in, breathe out, it's okay, you're okay._

 

But she wasn't. She knew she wasn't.

 

It was forever before she found the strength to pull herself up the wall and onto her feet. She kicked the snow, burying her secret beneath it, and continued on her way to Cosima's. She pulled off her gloves and wiped her mouth with one. She licked her lips until she couldn't taste anything anymore. Her brain told her to stop. Turn around. Go home. But she had to see Cosima. She had to. She didn't try to stop her hands, tinged blue now, from trembling as she rapped on the door. Cosima opened it with a beaming smile, all teeth. How did she smile so bright? _There is no happier sight on this earth_.

“Delphine! You're a little early! Not that I mind, obvs, come in, come in.”

Delphine returned the smile as best she could. She handed Cosima her coat when she reached for it. Cosima's apartment was deliciously warm. Delphine flexed her fingers, tingling as heat returned to them. There was a mini Christmas tree on Cosima's desk.

“I thought, you know, since you were coming over that I should Christmas-it-up in here a bit,” she said, “I don't usually, but hey, it's nice.”

“ _Merci,_ ” Delphine said, thankful her voice sounded normal to her ears, “I appreciate the thought.”

“So, come sit down! Would you like anything to eat? I've got some stuff in the fridge.”

Delphine shook her head and took a seat on the couch.

“I got this for you,” she said, handing Cosima the paper bag. “It's a nice wine, from France. I don't know if you can buy it here, but I had it imported anyway.”

Cosima held the bottle in her hands, that ridiculously happy grin wrapped around her face, flicking the ribbon with her fingers.

“Thank you so much, Delphine,” she gushed, her dreads brushing over her shoulders as her head moved from side to side, “I'm sure it'll taste awesome.”

“Oh, it does.”

Cosima bent over to kiss Delphine. Her heart stilled in her chest as she waited, waited for Cosima to taste or smell or notice _something_. But when she pulled away she was still grinning, holding the bottle against her chest.

“I'll pour us some now, okay?”

The wine did taste good. It covered the other taste in Delphine's mouth and for a moment she was able to forget what had happened. She listened to Cosima talk about her dissertation, hands dancing in the air, passion burning in her eyes. The wine blurred the sharp edges of her senses. She laughed and answered Cosima from far away, like she was watching them both from the other side of the room. She could feel Cosima's hand caressing the outside of her thigh. Her gaze traveled to the window. Through the foggy glass she could see the snow still falling. Her eyes flickered closed. That bright red blood bold against the snow. When she looked back at Cosima, she was frowning behind her glasses. Her smile was there but it wobbled, hesitant.

“Delphine? Did I lose you for a second there?”

Delphine felt strange. Her mouth formed words without asking her mind's permission first.

“Cosima, tell the truth.”

_What are you doing?_ The crease between Cosima's eyebrows deepened.

“The truth? What do you mean?”

But her eyes jumped from place to place and Delphine sighed.

“Cosima, I know. Please. I don't want to play this game anymore.”

Cosima pulled her knees beneath her body. She titled her head. Was she weighing up her options? Was it worth it to keep pretending? Could she still get away with it? Delphine let her eyelids drop.

“I know, that first night...after dinner. When you kissed me. You wanted to tell me then, didn't you?”

“Delphine, I-”

“Cosima, I _know._ ”

She couldn't say it. Couldn't say _monitor. Clone_. But if Cosima didn't soon...There was a pause, a strained heartbeat.

“How long have you known?”

The confession slapped Delphine across the face. It wasn't a surprise but it stung like one.

“I am so stupid.”

A whisper.

“No, you're not!”

Cosima grabbed her hands and squeezed.

“I knew, I knew... You were so eager to befriend me, take me to meet Dr. Leekie...then he shows up when we are at dinner. Do you already know him? When you...when you went through my things you left a book on the floor, Cosima.”

Cosima was forcing her eyes shut. _Cursing yourself, too? You are not the only fool here._

“You...Monitor me, don't you? You report to...someone...about me, don't you?”

Her voice was getting louder, she couldn't stop it. Heat filled her face and swam in front of her eyes.

“You went through my things and told _someone about my sisters,_ didn't you?”

Delphine was on her feet now. She balled her fists at her sides.

“Say something, Cosima! Admit it! Tell me!”

“Delphine, hey.”

Cosima reached for Delphine's hand again.

“Don't!”

Her heart was racing, whole body shaking.

“Tell me the truth!”

“Okay, okay, Delphine, I'll tell you.”

Delphine waited. She pulled a breath in through her nose, jaw tight, and waited. Cosima spun her rings on her fingers.

“You're right. I do...monitor you. And yeah, you were right about Dr. Leekie. He's the one I have to report to.”

She stopped, searching Delphine's face with moist eyes. Delphine said nothing. Cosima sighed. She pushed her forehead into the palm of her hand.

“I went through your things. I'm so sorry. Dr. Leekie told me that you were in danger, and the others...your sisters, too.”

“From what?” Delphine said through clenched teeth.

Cosima laughed. A hollow sound.

“I didn't even know! He wouldn't tell me. But I couldn't just do nothing.”

Delphine shook her head, over and over and over.

“It didn't even help, you know, Cosima. Whatever you told him. One of my sisters still got hurt. She almost died.”

“I know.”

“How do you know?”

Cosima stared at the floor.

“After you told me about your friend being attacked in the park, I called Dr. Leekie. He admitted to me that another subject was in hospital. Stabbed in the park.”

“Another subject.”

Delphine's face twisted.

“Is that how you see me, too?”

“No!”

Cosima jumped to her feet. She moved closer, looking up into Delphine's eyes.

“No, Delphine, god. That was a terrible choice of words. But I don't.”

Her voice broke, lower lip trembling. She reached for the hem of Delphine's shirt.

“I should go,” Delphine said.

“Please, wait, Delphine. Oh god. I understand if you hate me. _I_ hate me. This is so wrong, I know. It's so wrong. But please, just let me tell you one thing.”

Delphine's hand, reaching for her coat, hung in midair. She turned her head to look at Cosima over her shoulder.

“It started off like that...a monitor-subject thing. But it changed. So fast. I wanted to get closer to you. Get to know you. I thought about you all the time. And not as a subject.”

Delphine let her hand drop.

“I fell for you.”

Delphine felt her own lip start to quake. Tears spilled down her cheeks.

“You are a liar.”

“I am.”

Cosima took another step towards Delphine.

“But I'm not lying about this. You know I'm not. You...can feel it too, can't you.”

Delphine's chest shook as she inhaled. She walked over to Cosima.

“I know that I shouldn't, that I'm a complete idiot, but I believe you about this one thing.”

Cosima laughed again. Relief this time? Delphine didn't know. She brushed her lips over Cosima's.

“I think I have fallen for you, too,” she whispered.

She thought about Danielle, Katja, Bess. She thought about the secret sister hunting and killing them. She thought about her own blood on the snow. She deepened the kiss. Delphine gripped Cosima's waist and tugged her close. Their mouths smashed together, teeth clinking, as Delphine kissed her with a painful mixture of want and desperation. She ran her hand over the curve of her hip, the dip of her waist, the slope of her breast. She rolled it beneath her palm and could feel Cosima's nipple hardening through her shirt. It was Cosima (always Cosima), who broke the kiss. She stood on her toes, pressing her forehead to Delphine's, their noses touching.

“Delphine,” Cosima whispered against Delphine's lips, “You're hurting. We don't-”

Delphine answered her with another forceful kiss.

“I want you,” she breathed between kisses, “I don't know what I'm doing but I want you.”

Cosima nodded.

“We'll take it slow, okay?”

Cosima took Delphine's hand and guided her towards the bed. Her eyes raked over Cosima's backside, up to the exposed skin of her neck. She wanted to kiss that. She wanted to kiss everything. Cosima lay her down and moved to straddle her hips.

“We'll only go as far as you feel comfortable with.”

Delphine swallowed. She looked up at Cosima, her dreads a curtain around her face. She was smiling, cheeks pink, eyes dark. Delphine felt that familiar tightness between her legs.

“I don't know what to do,” she stammered.

Cosima removed her glasses.

“I do,” she said, tongue sticking out behind her teeth.

Delphine swallowed again. Cosima kissed her. First on the mouth, her tongue sliding between Delphine's parted lips, then along her jaw, her neck. She licked her, sucked, moving down to kiss her collarbone. Delphine bucked her hips without thinking. Cosima chuckled into her skin and she blushed.

“It's okay,” Cosima whispered. “Don't be embarrassed.”

Delphine moved her hands up and down Cosima's back. Her fingernails dug in.

“I'll take it off,” Cosima said.

Delphine instantly missed Cosima's lips on her body. She watched as Cosima shrugged out of her shirt. Her hands paused over the clasp of her bra.

“Do you mind if I take my bra off?”

Delphine shook her head quickly. She drew her lip between her teeth as Cosima exposed her breasts.

“Here, you can touch me, if you like.”

Cosima took Delphine's hands between her own and placed them on her chest. She rolled her hips. Delphine bit back a moan.

“I heard that,” Cosima whispered, smiling.

She leaned closer and planted a tender kiss on Delphine's lips before shuffling down her legs. Delphine couldn't bear to take her eyes off Cosima's bare chest, dusky nipples firm. Cosima lifted her shirt and slipped her hand inside, up over the plain of her stomach, cupping Delphine's breast through her bra. She squeezed. Delphine arched her back into it and gasped as Cosima slipped a thigh between hers. There wasn't enough friction through her jeans but she ground down anyway. Her curls were splayed out across Cosima's pillow like a halo, open lips glistening, darkened eyes heavy-lidded and fluttering.

“You are beautiful,” Cosima said softly.

She reached for Delphine's zip, waiting for a nod or a _yes_ or a _yes, please_ and grinning when she got all three. Cosima helped Delphine wiggle free and tossed the jeans onto the floor behind them. She ran her hands over the smooth expanse of Delphine's thighs. Delphine shivered. Her underwear was damp against Cosima's leg. Cosima continued to explore, spreading her fingers over Delphine's hipbones, back up over her stomach, resting on her breasts. Her hands skimmed over Delphine's nipples and she groaned.

“Do you want to take your shirt off?” Cosima asked, gently, not pushing.

Delphine felt a rush of panic and shook her head. Her heart hummed in her throat.

“That's okay.”

Cosima kissed her chest through the shirt. Delphine was grinding into her thigh with a vengeance now. Cosima slipped a finger beneath the band of Delphine's underwear.

“Can I touch you under them?”

_Oh mon dieu._ Heat rushed through her body and flushed her cheeks at the words, at the _thought_ , and she nodded. Cosima slipped the rest of her hand inside, gently parting Delphine and brushing a finger across her most sensitive spot.

“Ohh.”

It felt good, so good, and Delphine bucked her hips as Cosima slowly circled her. She closed her eyes and moaned, whimpered, and whenever she opened them Cosima was above her, smiling at her, her chest exposed and heaving, swaying. She came quickly. Toes curling and eyes rolling back, Delphine's muscles tensed and she squeezed her thighs closed. Cosima continued to stroke her, slower and slower, until every last bit of pleasure was coaxed out of her. Delphine wanted to roll over, bury her face in the pillow, but she settled for closing her eyes. Cosima stretched out beside her.

“Do you...do you want...”

Cosima reached up to stroke Delphine's cheek.

“No. I'm okay. Another time?”

Delphine nodded. She opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling. Cosima was looking at her, she could see her out the corner of her eye.

“Cosima,” she said quietly, “would you hold me?”

Cosima shifted up the bed and brought Delphine's head into the crook of her arm. Delphine felt her cheeks heat again as she came face-to-bare-breast. Cosima draped her other arm over Delphine's. They would need to talk about everything, there was still a lot that needed to be said. Still a lot they needed to work out. But that could come later. For now, this was exactly what Delphine needed. She closed her eyes. Soon they were both fast asleep.

 


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you all a very happy, very fulfilling, special, and magical 2017.

“She's interested in coming to work with us.”

Aldous raised his eyebrows. He put the folder he had been reading from on the desk.

“I'm curious as to how you managed to convince her, Cosima.”

Cosima rolled her shoulders.

“Just my natural wit and charm, I guess.”

“Uh huh.”

Aldous steeped his fingers against his mouth, narrowing his eyes. Cosima flopped into the seat opposite him.

“I just, you know, told her that I was seriously considering taking up your offer, dorked out over DYAD's research at every given opportunity...”

“And her being self-aware had nothing to do with it?”

“Well, maybe it did.”

“Cosima.”

Cosima shrugged again and started to spin in the chair. She went round once, twice, slouched down as far as she could go. Three times.

“Okay, well, I guess I have to say it whether or not I want to, but, yeah. She's self-aware, right. And we've confirmed the contact with other subjects. And...she figured out I'm monitoring her. So there's that.”

Cosima continued to spin. _Don't make direct eye-contact, don't make direct-_

“Cosima.”

Cosima stopped the chair with the toe of her boot and flicked a glance across the desk.

“The subjects aren't meant to know about their monitors. I feel like we covered this.”

“Yep, sure did. She's just that smart. But it's all right.”

Cosima spun the chair to look at Aldous head on.

“She was mostly okay with it.”

_No screaming, crying, or anything at all...Nope..._

“What do you mean exactly?”

“We talked about it. I think she was hurt by my deception more than anything...On a personal level...”

Cosima shook her head. That part of Delphine wasn't for him. _It shouldn't even be mine_. She cleared her throat.

“She's not thrilled, obviously, but she's a scientist too. She understands why we're doing what we're doing even if she doesn't agree with it, or rather, even if it impacts her directly. She told me that one of her sisters-”

“Sisters?”

“Yeah, that's what they call each other. Anyway, she told me that one of them had been sick, coughing up blood and everything, and that testing she had done didn't turn up anything.”

“She's been doing her own testing?”

“Yeah...I probably should have figured that out earlier, but hey, it's been pretty clearly established I'm not the best monitor.”

“Mm. Well. Who is the ill subject? We haven't had any new results of late that would indicate illness.”

“She was one of the ones in Delphine's file...Katja, I think. She's dead, though, unfortunately. She was shot. They're guessing she was killed by the same person who stabbed the other subject in the park.”

“The European team did lose track of that one...I suppose I'll have to report it. And Delphine told you all this?”

“Yeah.”

Aldous leaned back into his chair, dropping his hands to his sides.

“So, and correct me if I'm wrong, but 324b21 knows she is being monitored, knows about their illness to some extent, has been researching it herself, knows that someone has been targeting the subjects, _and_ is still willing to come and work for us? Am I understanding everything, Dr. Niehaus?”

Cosima nodded.

“She wants answers. I mean, shit, wouldn't you? And she wants to be able to research the disease...She is concerned that they all might be at risk. Being genetically identical and all.”

“How astute.”

Aldous sighed. He flicked open the planner on his desk and started to scribble down some notes.

“We need to get to the bottom of who is attacking the subjects, I don't think that can wait much longer... I take it all the ones she is in contact with are aware of the danger?”

“I think so, yeah.”

“Okay. Is she still interested in remaining romantically involved with you?”

Cosima lifted her chin and rose an eyebrow.

“Of course she is. Who wouldn't want a piece of this?”

Aldous shook his head with a soft chuckle.

“Well, that's good. We're going to need some of her recent blood-work, it's been far too long. I suppose she would have been avoiding trips to the GP. So, bring her in. Maybe the end of the week? We can settle everything formally then.”

Cosima inhaled.

“She does have a few...requests.”

“Ah.”

“She wants to be able to study her own sequenced genome. In full. And she wants her own lab.”

Aldous chuckled again.

“You two are so alike. Very cheeky.”

“I'm going to take that comparison as a compliment.”

“I'm sure you will.”

Cosima resumed her spinning. She threaded her fingers in her lap, cocked her head to the side.

“I think we can accommodate her requests though, can't we? I mean...she's being very diplomatic considering her circumstances.”

“She's got a great head on her shoulders, certainly. I'll see what I can do.”

“Awesome.”

Cosima sprang from her seat without waiting for it to stop moving.

“I'll bring her by on Friday. Best to have the genome for her before then, though. As a gesture of good faith. Doubt she'd sign anything without it anyway. Just let me know when you've got it and I'll come pick it up.”

Aldous pursed his lips. After a moment, he nodded. Cosima flashed him a smile and left the office. Her bangles jingled as she buried her hands in the pockets of her coat.

 

 

She could still see Delphine clearly, on her back, hair messed around her head, chest rising and falling with every wavering breath and wanting arch of her spine. When Cosima held her, pressed into her chest, she could feel Delphine's tears on her skin. Cosima wound her hand into her curls, painting circles on the back of her head. She drifted off to the sound of Delphine dragging air between her teeth. What else could she do? What else could she possibly say? She had wanted to touch Delphine like that for a long time. It hadn't gone _quite_ as her late night imaginings had so sensually suggested to her, but the truth was always going to come out. Sooner or later. And perhaps sooner was better. She couldn't begrudge Delphine her anger. She didn't want to.

 

“ _You are a liar.”_

 

_I am._

 

_But I am not going to lie to you anymore._

 

She was going to be transparent. She was going to tell Delphine everything she wanted to know. Cosima curled her hands into fists, nails carving moons in her flesh. If _Aldous_ didn't like it he could shove it up his wrinkled old ass.

 

 

“Thank you, Cosima, for getting the genome for me...But I am not going to sign his contract, and I am definitely not giving him a _blood sample_ until I have had a look at it. _D'accord?_ ”

Cosima shrugged. She handed the hard-drive to Delphine and watched her slip it into her bag.

“I totally get that, Delphine. That's more than fair.”

Delphine nodded slowly, without looking up from her bag. She took her bottom lip between her teeth. Cosima swallowed.

“Is everything all right?”

Delphine scoffed. She flicked Cosima a look from beneath her lashes.

“I honestly don't know, Cosima.”

Cosima rolled from heel to toe and back again, swung her gloved hands together in front of her. Delphine's gaze was fixed on her bag.

“Do you, I don't know, what to come around to my place and we can take a look at it? The genome, I mean.”

Delphine gripped her bag strap. She turned her chin away.

“Haven't you already?”

Her words, laced with spite (and a bitterness, a sadness too, so deep it isn't even sadness anymore but something else, heavy and crushing and tight around the throat) hung in the air between them. Neither woman spoke. Cosima could feel every beat of her heart. When she did speak her voice was little more than a whisper, threatened to be blown away by the softest breeze.

“I want to help you find whatever you're looking for, Delphine.”

Delphine did look at her then. The light shone through the tears pooling in her eyes.

“I know. I...I am sorry.”

“Don't be. God, Delphine, don't be.”

Cosima reached out for Delphine's hand, interlacing their fingers. She gave a little squeeze.

And Delphine squeezed back.

 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for waiting :)

“ _Not now. Come around to my apartment tomorrow night.”_

 

Cosima stood on Delphine's doorstep, head thrown back, drinking in the sky. Her eyes lingered over each star, shimmering in the endless expanse of black above. She knew the light from the closest star was already ancient. Was that star, just there, even really there anymore? Perhaps it had exploded into space, the dust that made it and the atoms that made that dust traveling further than her mind could truly comprehend. Would it reach Earth one day? Be a part of someone? Maybe it already had, already was. Carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, iron; all the elements required for evolution came from the collapse of a star just like that one. Cosima exhaled, her breath rising into the sky. On the other side of the door, there was a woman formed from stardust. Each freckle on her skin a piece of their own constellation. Cosima knocked on the door. Her eyebrows rose as it opened, yellow light spilling out into the night.

“Uh, hey, hi. I'm Cosima. Is Delphine home?”

The woman standing in the doorway swept her eyes over Cosima. A smile crept from cheek to cheek.

“Oh, now I get it.”

She looked exactly like Delphine. And yet nothing like Delphine. Their DNA may have been identical, but they were shaped with atoms that fell from different stars. Cosima smiled back.

“Nice to finally put a face to the name. I'm Bess.”

Bess extended her hand.

“Yeah, it's nice to meet you too.”

Bess stepped to the side. She squinched up her face, one arm curling around her stomach.

“Come in and sit down. Delphine's just in the bathroom.”

Cosima watched as Bess shuffled over to the bathroom door. Her hair was straight, shaped to frame her face, and she wore less makeup than Delphine. There was something else too, beyond the superficial. Something about the way she carried herself. Even with the careful steps and the arm cradling her abdomen, there was a confidence there, a self-assuredness, that Cosima hadn't seen in Delphine.

“Cosima's here now, Del. I'm going to give you guys some space and head off. Better get going before Paul loses it. Call me if you need to, okay?”

Cosima leaned forward on the couch, hands clasped between spread knees. There was a muffled reply from behind the door and Bess nodded. She smiled at Cosima as she walked back, grabbing her coat and handbag.

“Until next time, Cosima,” she said.

“Oh, yeah. See you next time, Bess.”

Bess gathered her loose hair to the side and put on her coat. She opened the front door.

“You're lucky, you know that?” she said, not turning around, “That I'm here instead of Sara.”

Cosima frowned.

“Don't hurt her again.”

The door slammed closed and Bess was gone. There was movement to the left, just inside her field of vision.

“ _Bonsoir,_ Cosima.”

Cosima shook her head, relaxing her brow. She turned to look at Delphine.

“Hey, Delphine. That was...interesting.”

Delphine nodded, leaning against the door frame. Perhaps it was just the light, but her face seemed pale, dark circles standing out under her eyes.

“Bess just came around to see how I was, you know, and I think she wanted to see you for herself.”

_Do you talk about me that much?_ Cosima thought, though she kept the words in the back of her mind and away from her lips. _Probably as much as you talk about her to Aldous_.

“I hope I lived up to the hype.”

“If I suddenly have a black bag pulled over my head and am taken away in the night, at least Bess will know your face.”

Cosima's eyes widened.

“Whoa, Delphine. I'm not like that.”

Delphine shrugged. She took her laptop from the desk and sat beside Cosima on the couch.

“No, perhaps not. But Dr. Leekie might be.”

Cosima sighed. It would do no good to argue that point. He _might_ be like that. She was sure for every truthful thing he told her, he was hiding ten lies. Defending Aldous' character was the last thing she wanted to do anyway.

“Shall we take a look at the genome?”

“I had a little look before you came over.”

Delphine opened her laptop, bringing her thumb to rest against her lips as it booted up.

“You know how I was doing my own testing, in the lab at the university? We found a synthetic sequence, a portion of it unique in each sample. I was thinking that perhaps it was a bar-code of some kind. But it's not even in this data that Dr. Leekie has given me.”

“Ugh.”

Cosima fell back into the couch. She closed her eyes.

“He would have removed it before giving the genome to me.”

“I asked for it in full.”

“Yeah, you did. And I told you that's what I'd get you. I'm sorry.”

Delphine kept her eyes on the computer screen.

“I still have the sequence from when we ran our own test, that's not the problem. I suppose it was incredibly naive of me to trust Dr. Leekie.”

_Or me._ Cosima shifted in place.

“Are you going to tell him to forget the contract?”

“No.”

Cosima narrowed her eyes.

“I'm not trying to talk you out of it or anything, far from it, but...why not? You know he's full of shit.”

Delphine snorted out a laugh.

“Yes, I know. I know I can't trust him. But I can trust you. Can't I?”

She looked up from her laptop, her mouth wavering in such a way that Cosima couldn't tell if it was the beginning of a smile or a prelude to tears.

“I need to understand our biology, and DYAD has the resources. I cannot afford to refuse his offer.”

Cosima felt her head move up and down. _Fucking Aldous_. He had all the cards and it was simply a matter of waiting for the best time to play them.

“I am so fucking stupid,” Cosima heard herself say.

“Why?”

“Aldous. Dr. Leekie. I thought...I don't know. I guess it was naive of _me,_ too, to think that he, I don't know, saw me as an equal? I mean, yeah, technically he's my boss, and I know he can't possibly share everything with me. Clearance is a serious thing. But as far as this...monitoring...went, I just assumed, like an idiot, that he wouldn't go behind my back like that.”

Cosima took a deep breath.

“And I know I shouldn't even complain, at the very least, not to _you._ Because for every time he's lied to me, or deceived me, so much more has been done to you. God. I'm sorry, Delphine. I promise you, I'm on your side. You can trust me.”

Delphine turned back to her laptop, her hair falling to shield her face.

“I think the sequence might be some sort of message,” she said.

“Oh?”

“Yes, you know, like Dr. Craig Venter watermarked his synthetic DNA? If I can understand the message, decode it, then it might tell us something about our origins. Do you want to look?”

Cosima smiled. Big. She smiled and smiled and smiled. Delphine handed her the laptop and she started to scroll through the data.

“So this is the synthetic sequence you found in the lab? And this one here is what Leekie gave you?”

“ _Oui_. This part, here, ” Delphine leaned across Cosima, her bare arm brushing against her, “is the unique portion.”

Cosima nodded, swallowing.

“Yeah, you're right...that is like a bar-code. It's an encrypted ID tag. To tell you apart.”

“Okay. May I?”

Delphine took the laptop and rested it on her knees.

“So, how do I decode it? I have four nucleotides to work with...G, C, T, and A...I have no idea how they are encrypted. There are literally thousands of possibilities. I don't...I don't have time.”

“Yeah, but I know your tag number.”

Cosima cocked her head with a crooked half-smile.

“You do?”

“Yeah, it's on most documents concerning you, so...”

“Oh.”

“Sorry.”

Delphine waved a hand at Cosima and looked back to the computer.

“So yeah, it's numeric. If we can figure out how it's translated we should be able to decode the rest. I think.”

“Okay. What is my, uh, tag number?”

“It's 324b21.”

“324b21. I am 324b21.”

“Yeah,” Cosima said.

But she wanted to scream _no. You are Delphine. Delphine Cormier. From Lille, in France. You are intelligent, charming, funny, beautiful. You are unique. You are stardust._

“I'll run it through the decryption program.”

“Yeah.”

 

It took 37 long minutes for the decryption program to finish its analysis. Delphine got up to go to the toilet twice. Cosima could hear the rushing of water in the sink the whole time she was in there. It reminded her of a girl she had known in high school who would turn on all the taps before using the toilet, terrified that someone might hear her pee. She shook her head and smiled. _God, that feels like a lifetime ago. What would teenage-Cosima think if she could see me now? Other than perhaps, “wow, my future girlfriend is super hot”._ Cosima furrowed her brow. Was _girlfriend_ even the right thing to call it?

“I want to know more about you,” Delphine said when she returned to the couch. “You know everything there is to know about me, but I don't know that much about you.”

“Not everything.”

Cosima twisted the ring on her index finger.

“Reading someone's notes doesn't tell me who you are, Delphine. Medical records, numbers...They don't define you, they don't even describe you. God, when I saw you the first time, in the lab...It really hit me. I had spent a while reading over your file, looking at photos, but when I saw you... Those photos just did _not_ do your beautiful eyes justice.”

Cosima winked at Delphine. She sighed but didn't try to hide her smile.

“I mean it, though. I knew nothing about you, and I'm still learning. I'm loving learning about you.”

“Clones _are_ fascinating.”

“That's not what I mean, and you know it. Brat.”

Cosima sat back in the couch and rested her head against Delphine's shoulder. She felt her body stiffen.

“Is this okay?”

“ _Oui_.”

Delphine exhaled, shoulders dropping, spine relaxing into the cushions.

“What do you want to know about me?”

“I don't know really. What were you like when you were little?”

“Oh, man. I was a bit of a handful.”

“Really?”

Delphine arched an eyebrow. Cosima took her hand and began drawing circles in her palm.

“Yeah. I mean, I was a 'good kid', whatever that means, you know? I didn't skip school and...oh, well, yeah, I did smoke pot, but my parents didn't find out about that until I was twenty.”

Cosima chucked and shook her head against Delphine's shoulder.

“But yeah. I did well in school, was polite to adults, never got into any serious trouble. I was just...so full of energy. Always talking, always thinking, always talking about what I was thinking. It was probably exhausting for my parents.”

“What is your relationship with them like now?”

“Oh, it's fine. I call every few weeks. They just sort of, let me do my thing. And I let them do their thing. They're retired now. Mom paints, and Dad works in their garden.”

“You said you never got into any _serious_ trouble. What kind of trouble did you get in?”

Cosima crinkled her nose.

“Ugh, not my proudest moment.”

“Tell me.”

Delphine stilled Cosima's hand and linked their fingers.

“Well, okay. I was dating this girl in high school. We tried to be discreet about it, sat in this secluded spot at the back of the school during lunch. We never did anything more than like, hold hands, but still...These two girls caught us one day. And after that, every time they saw us in the halls or around the school, they would whisper to each other, or say “gross” just loud enough for us to hear. They would jump away from us like being too close would make them catch something. Started all sorts of rumours.”  
“That's horrible.”

“Yeah. It was. One day I just thought, I've had enough of this. When they walked by us and whispered something, I turned and shoved one of them into the wall. The next day we were called into the dean's office. She told us that the girl's parents had made a complaint, and that the girls had seen us “putting our hands down each others' pants” at school. My girlfriend burst into tears. I was just angry. Luckily the dean believed me when I told her it was all bullshit. I had such a clean record up until that point. She told my parents, said she had to, but nothing ever really came of it.”

Cosima shrugged.

“I suppose you've experienced that sort of thing again since then?”

“The homophobia? Oh, yeah. That one has always stuck with me though. I guess because it was the first time, and I was young. And it really hurt my girlfriend. I think that's what got to me the most.”

Delphine tilted her head to rest against Cosima's.

“I think it was brave. You were standing up for her.”

“I guess so.”

They sat together in silence. Cosima watched the percentage on the laptop screen climb as the program did its work. This moment, with Delphine's hand in hers, Delphine's cheek against her head, was perfect.

“ _Merci_ , Cosima, for sharing all of that with me.”

“Hey, no problem. You were right; you don't know what much about me.”

“I hope we can continue to change that.”

Cosima lifted her head. She let her gaze linger over Delphine's lips for a moment before pressing a kiss against them.

“Definitely.”

 

“Ugh, none of these numbers match the ID tag.”

Both women exhaled as one. Cosima put her hands behind her head.

“Okay, think. We're molecular encoding, from 30 years ago.”

She rocked her body from side to side, her dreadlocks swaying against her back.

“Yes, but we're looking at it from _now_ , so...”

Delphine bounced in place. She pulled the laptop closer.

“Of course! They were not coding nucleotides.”

“Whole base pairs?”

“Not four letters, but two. AT and GC. Ones and zeroes.”

Cosima dropped her hands, cocking her head to look at Delphine. She grinned.

“Binary. They were coding in ASCII.”

“Let's convert it and see.”

They waited, breath held in the very depths of their lungs. Green text flashed against black.

_324B21_.

“It's your ID tag...You did it.”

Cosima turned to smile at her again, but she did not see her excitement mirrored on Delphine's face. The light from the laptop extenuated the circles under her eyes.

“We need to put in the rest of this sequence...see if there really is a message.”

“Yeah, of course.”

Cosima read the letters aloud from Delphine's printout and she typed them in. Cosima knew she was reading them without really seeing them, saying them without really hearing them. She could only see the way Delphine's hands were trembling over the keys. She hit enter with a jab of her middle finger and leaned closer.

_THIS_ORGANISM_AND_DERIVATIVE_GENETIC_MATERIAL_IS_RESTRICTED_INTELLECUTAL_  
PROPERTY. _

Cosima fell back into the couch. Delphine did not move at all.

“This is what I have to do,” she said finally, to Cosima, to herself, to the silent apartment around her, “These are the people I have to work with.”

“Delphine-”

Delphine flinched Cosima's hand away as it reached out to touch her back.

“We are someone's property. Our biology, everything that we are, or become...Not even that belongs to us.”

Her eyes remained fixed on the screen.

“This organism and derivative genetic material is restricted intellectual property,” she whispered.

Cosima balled her fist into her shirt. Delphine eventually put the laptop onto the ground and sat back. She pressed her arm into Cosima's.

“I'm sick, Cosima.”

 

_I'm sick, Cosima._

 

Those three words tore open her chest, breaking every rib on their way down into the pit of her gut, where they uncurled and spread, barbs tearing her flesh. Images of the sick subjects she had seen, though never in person, flashed through her mind. Bones threatening to pierce through bleached skin that clung too tight. Lips cracked beneath hollow cheeks. Mouthful after mouthful after mouthful of scarlet blood.

“Oh my God, Delphine,” she breathed with all the air she had left.

Delphine's lower lip was trembling, tears shimmering in her eyes. Cosima reached for her then, didn't know what else to do. She held onto Delphine with all her strength. _It's going to be okay_ , she thought over and over again, and wanted so desperately to say, _it's going to be okay._

 

But she had promised never to lie to Delphine again.

 

And so she said nothing at all.

 

 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _I've got this pain in my chest and it won't let me rest_

Delphine watched the water fade to pink as it swirled down the drain. Her hands found little purchase on the enamel, arms quaking at the elbow. She coughed once more. The water was red again. A glance out the bathroom window showed her the setting sun, blue sky mingled with orange and red. More red. She was going to be late. Delphine turned her head and stared at the reflection staring back at her, blood stains her new lipstick, dark circles her eyeshadow. She was going to be very late.

 

Sara slid open the door. She had one hand on her hip, thumb tucked into the belt loop on her jeans. It didn't look like she had brushed her hair. Delphine could see Alice on the couch behind her, back rigid, one hand in the space between herself and Bess.

“Hey, Del,” Sara said.

“ _Bonsoir,_ Sara.”

Delphine stepped into the room and pulled Sara into a hug. She took a deep breath.

“Everything okay?” Sara asked into her shoulder.

Delphine didn't let go. Sara relaxed, wrapped her own arms around Delphine.

“Del?”

“Mm, _oui_.”

Delphine took a step back. She turned to Alice and Bess, noticed Felix leaning against the kitchen bench with a wine glass in his hand. She quite liked his loft. It wasn't her style, no, just one large room with a curtain of beads playing at privacy over the bathroom door and far too much concrete. But he made it his own. Every shelf was teeming with art supplies. He had redone the spray painting on the wall since her last visit, with even more phalli this time. _Does his landlord really not mind?_

“ _Bonsoir,_ everyone.”

Alice stood up and hurried over. The contrast between Alice and Sara was as stark as night and day. She wore a blouse beneath a turquoise vest, blonde hair perfectly straight and held back with a headband.

“It's been too long, Delphine!”

“Alice, it has. How have you been?”

Alice took both of Delphine's hands in her own and gave them a quick squeeze before releasing them.

“Oh, about the same as ever. I was thinking about signing up for our community theater's latest play, but with everything that has been going on, I'm not sure I'll have the time, or if I'll be able to concentrate on it...”

“I understand. And the children, how are they?”

Alice's eyes lit up. She lifted her chest.

“Wonderful, thank you! Their last report cards were excellent, their karate is really coming along, and did you know-”

“Oh man, Del, what have you started?”

Alice spun on her heel and narrowed her eyes at Bess, who was grinning at them from the couch.

“Bess,” Delphine smiled, “You are looking well. The colour has returned to your face.”

Bess shrugged.

“I'm just glad I can go to the toilet without Paul following me in.”

“She's not one hundred percent just yet,” Alice said. She folded her arms across her chest. “You really should be resting.”

“I'm sitting down.”

“You know what I mean.”

Felix cleared his throat and the tense silence with it.

“So, Delphine, good to see you. Let's get into it, shall we? Before these two take each other right here on my couch.”

“Oh my god, Fe.”

 

There was no use in pretending everything was fine. They all knew why they were here. Delphine looked at Alice, hands folded in her lap, head tilted _just so._ Each sentence punctuated with rapid blinking. She wouldn't drive downtown unless she absolutely had to. Bess _was_ looking better, but Alice was right. She should be resting. And she would have been, at home, tucked up in bed with her laptop on her knee and some B-rated movie, if she really had a choice. Delphine closed her eyes.

“Dr. Leekie has offered me a job at the DYAD...and I've said yes.”

A beat, then two.

“What? Why?”

Delphine sighed. She ran a hand through her hair and let her body sink into the couch.

“Don't tell me that scientist geek talked you into it.”

“It's not that simple, Sara.”

Alice spoke into her wine glass without looking up.

“Let's hear what she has to say.”

“ _Merci_ , Alice. I just...we need them so we can understand our own biology.”

Sara snorted and rolled her eyes.

“Don't we know everything we need to know? They fucking _patented_ us! You said that means they could try and claim Kira! We can't trust them.”

“I agree with you. We can't trust them. But I do think we can trust Cosima...”

“Ugh.”

Sara threw her hands up into the air.

“You're letting your cunt interfere with your brain. Just like Bess.”

Sara narrowed her eyes and flicked her chin in Bess' direction.

“Sara, shut it. You know that's not what's going on with Paul and I.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

Felix sauntered over from the kitchen. He put a hand on Sara's shoulder.

“Come on, Sara.”

Delphine wanted to scream. She could feel it clawing at the back of her throat. There was no time to bicker with one another.

“If you can't trust DYAD, or Cosima, please, trust me. The resources at the university are simply not enough. We have to find out more about Katja's illness, too.”

“We don't even know if that was genetic at all. Could've been her own shit luck.”

Delphine bit her lip.

“We have to be sure.”

It was all she could say.

 

“I've been thinking about the bastard who attacked Bess...” Sara said.

“The _clone_ who attacked me.”

Alice closed her eyes and shuddered.

“Please, can we not say the c-word?”

Sara glanced at her out of the corner of her eye. She had her hands wrapped around a mug (Felix was out of clean glasses and it held more alcohol, anyway).

“Whatever you want to call her. But I think I have an idea.”

“Cosima told me that DYAD have teams out looking for her. Not that I mentioned she was a clone...”

“The c-word!”

“What do you want us to say? I'm not calling her sister,” Bess spat.

“Bess, please.”

Alice moved a hand from her own lap and set it on Bess' thigh. Her upper lip twitched and she wrinkled her nose. Both women kept their eyes fixed on the group, looking at anyone other than each other.

“Sorry.”

“Mm.”

Sara frowned, shook her head, frowned again.

“Um, yeah, _anyway_. We have to do something about her, don't we? Can't just sit around and hope the scientist geeks sort it out for us.”

“It is probably for the best that they do not discover that she is a clone, either,” Delphine said, with an incline of her head and soft smile in Alice's direction.

Alice moved her head from side to side, tight lips keeping any protest silent.

“So I was thinking, why don't we sort her out? We know she's trying to kill us, and I'm guessing she survived her tussle with Bess. Only one way to know for sure. We've been laying low, but I think it's time to go out again.”

“Just what exactly are you suggesting? We can't risk endangering Oscar and Gemma.”

“Oh, come off it, Alice. I'm not going to get your kids hurt, shit. I bet she's pissed she didn't manage to take Bess out, yeah? So I'll dress as Bess, walk around the neighborhood when it's dark and, hey. I'm sure she'll be dying to have another go at it.”

“Wow, okay.”

Bess rolled her eyes and dropped her head against the back of the couch.

“What are you going to do when she comes at you? Fight her and hope you don't get stabbed worse than I did? She might choose to play it safe and snipe you from the roof like she did with Katja.”

“She'll be expecting me to be wounded, yeah?”

Sara paused. She took a long drink from her mug and wiped her upper lip on her sleeve. When she spoke again her voice was different somehow, softer and heavier at the same time.

“I get the feeling she'll want to make it close and personal, that the failure got to her. I know I can't be sure, but I don't think she's going to shoot at me from a distance. She attacked you while you were jogging, didn't she? It's just...different. I don't know why.”

No one spoke. Felix rose from his perch on the arm of the couch and refilled his glass in the kitchen. Sara sighed. She kicked the toe of her boot across the floor.

“Okay, so, say you do manage to knock her out or something, then what?”

“It's just an idea, yeah? Don't need to get all bloody twenty questions on me,” Sara snapped. “Bring her...I don't know where. Shit.”

“We can't take her to any of our homes.”

“I'm not a complete idiot.”

Delphine strummed her fingers across her chin.

“You know, it's incredibly dangerous, and not as well-planned as I would be comfortable with, but I think Sara is on to something here...”

Bess and Alison raised their eyebrows in unison. Felix laughed and downed the rest of his wine.

“Of all the people here, Del, I didn't think _you'd_ be the one to say that.”

Delphine shrugged.

“I want to know why she wants to kill us. I just want to...understand...more about what is happening to us, and why.”

_I want to look Danielle's murderer in the eyes._

“I have something I want to talk about too, while we're all here,” said Alice. “I assume you'll follow through with your insane plan whether or not the rest of us agree, in any case.”

She sat up straight, shoulders back, raising her chin.

“I think Donnie might be my watcher.”

“Monitor, Ali. Though haven't you known him since high school? I don't think DYAD recruits high school boys for their top secret illegal experiments.”

Alice's shoulders slumped.

“Well, yes, I have. But sometimes he gets up in the middle of the night and leaves! When I ask in the morning, he tells me he didn't.”

“Maybe he has to make monster night shits.”

“Oh my goodness, Bess, that's disgusting!”

Delphine covered her smile with her hand.

“I would suggest following your instincts, Alice. Discreetly, of course. If nothing else, it will make you feel better.”

“ _Thank you,_ Delphine.”

Felix returned to the couch with two more bottles.

“Now, ladies, if you're quite finished with your clone drama, I say we finish off the evening with a little more to drink. What do you think?”

“The c-word, Felix!”

 


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So when it breaks, we break it all, and all the broken pieces fall. When it ends, we end it all. And when it's gone, there's no turning back.

Cosima focused on her expression, straight lips, relaxed brow, tired eyes. She walked by the guard at the door without looking at him. Her dreads swayed as she strode towards Aldous' desk, hands in her pockets.

“Yeah?”

He was staring out the window with his back to her. The midday sun flooded the room, reflecting off their lab coats, the white walls, Aldous' balding head (and, undoubtedly, off those teeth if he were to smile).

Today was not a day for smiles.

When Aldous did finally turn around his face was as emotionless as Cosima's own. She doubted he had to force it. Whatever was boiling just below his skin, he kept to himself. She knew it was there.

“You wanted to see me?” she asked, dropping her weight onto one leg, hands still in her pockets.

_Cool as a cucumber, Niehaus, cool as a...There is nothing cool about that phrase._

“I thought we had an understanding, Cosima,” he said, “I thought we had an agreement.”

“You're going to have to be a little more clear.”

Aldous shook his head and looked down.

“I am still waiting for that blood sample.”

Cosima forced herself to shrug.

“Yeah, well, we asked for the entire genome, and that isn't exactly what we got.”

“We?”

“Delphine.”

“Ah.”

Aldous inhaled through his nose.

“And just how did Delphine know that it wasn't the entire genome? I hope you didn't have anything to do with that revelation.”

“Like I said before, Aldous, she's smart. You need to give her a little more credit.”

“You think quite highly of her, don't you?”

Cosima shrugged again.

“Well, yeah, what's not to like?”

“And I take it the feeling remains mutual.”

Not a question.

“I trust you're in control of that....situation, Cosima,” Aldous continued, “you have a bright future ahead of you. A very bright future. I know you're clever enough not to waste it on an experiment, even one as tempting as this.”

Cosima bit into the tip of her tongue . He understood nothing. Would never understand. She felt something stirring, right in her core. It didn't writhe or bite or coil like before. It roared and pumped through her heart and every vein, right to the tips of her fingers, to the tips of her toes. Suddenly she was back on Delphine's step. Delphine's curls were moving in the breeze, dusted with snow as the sky above her was dusted with stars. Darkness behind her, darkness around her, she stood in the light of the streetlamp. Cosima could see Delphine's eyes searching her own, her impossibly soft lip drawn between her teeth. _What are you doing?_

“I was clever when I was like, six.”

There was no chuckle, not the faintest glimmer of a smile, not today. Aldous turned his back on her, returning his gaze to the city below.

“Your last few reports have been lacking in details, even for you. I don't have my blood sample. The contract is yet to be signed. My patience is wearing thin. Not to mention Rebecca's.”

His back still to her, Cosima closed her eyes. _Fucking Rebecca_.

“She wants more information on one of the other subjects. Sara Manning. She's managed to escape our monitoring her entire life, thanks in part to the foster system, and I'm sure, the meddling of other members of society's undesirables.”  
“Is she ever going to formally introduce herself and ask me to do something for her in person?”

“Cosima,” Aldous snapped, though he didn't turn to face her, “I have tolerated this attitude for long enough. Do what I have asked you to do, _what it is your job to do_ , and make sure Delphine is here to sign her contract and have her blood drawn by the end of the week. Or I will have to make sure for you.”

Cosima's hands balled into fists in her pockets. _You have a very bright future ahead of you._

Perhaps.

But it wasn't here.

It wasn't in the glaring white that scorched the eyes, yet cast the deepest shadows in all the hidden places. It wasn't reflected in this room or in Aldous and his threats or in _fucking_ Rebecca. At least, it wasn't anymore. It was in golden curls illuminated when all else was pitch, it was in the stars so bold their light could be seen light year upon light year away, it was in the way her heart felt now and had never felt before. She understood why Delphine had hesitated to provide a sample of her blood. Sick or not. It was time to do what her gut was telling her. She wanted to laugh, really laugh, with her head thrown back and tears rolling down her cheeks. She wanted to scream and smash everything on Aldous' desk onto the floor. She wanted to put the heel of her boot right through the frontal bone of that stupid ornamental skull, she wanted to put it through the frontal bone of _his_ skull. All her twisted weaving was about to come undone, torn at the seam by her own hand. She had convinced Delphine to accept Aldous' offer, knew that DYAD had the resources they needed, that Delphine _was_ the science and that it was her body, her choice. But whatever part of her held these things was silenced by the roaring, screaming in her ears. She _would_ cure Delphine. Just not like this.

“Fuck you.”

“Excuse me?”

He turned around at that, had little choice. He quirked an eyebrow.

“Dr. Niehaus, did I just-”

“Yes. You heard what you think you heard. _Fuck. You._ ”

She didn't give him time to reply. Taking satisfaction in the confusion she saw cross his eyes, she left his office with a stride as confident as the one she had walked in with. But this time, it was real.

 

 

Cosima pushed Delphine back into her apartment as soon as the door opened.

“Cosima,” she stammered, “hello, ah, what are you-”

“Shh.”

Cosima rammed her mouth into Delphine's, hands pulling the cardigan from her shoulders. Delphine moaned, parted her lips, and Cosima's tongue did not waste the opportunity. She raked her fingers down Delphine's back. Delphine arched, pressing herself flush against Cosima.

“Cosima,” she panted between kisses, “is everything all right?”

“Mmhm.”

Cosima pushed forward with her hips. Delphine followed, stepping back until her knees hit the bed. Cosima spread her fingers across Delphine's chest.

“Lay down,” she whispered into Delphine's ear.

She hovered above Delphine but for a moment, saw the arousal mixed with confusion on her face and didn't register it. Cosima took off her glasses and put them on the nightstand. Even distorted, a blend of pink and gold, Delphine was beautiful. Cosima took her lips once more. _Feel it. Feel how much I love you. Forgive me._ She kissed her, bruising lips against teeth, praying it was enough to choke the sobs welling in her throat. Delphine was writhing beneath her. Delphine _wanted her._ It was all too much. Cosima, eyes squeezed shut, slipped her hand under Delphine's shirt and over her breasts. She popped the clasp on the front of Delphine's bra.

“Cosima,” Delphine whispered, “Cosima, Cosima...”

“Mm?”

“I want...”

Delphine licked her lip. Her eyes moved from Cosima's, to her mouth, her chest, back to her eyes.

“I want to touch you this time.”

“Wow, that is, like, really hot. But not yet, babe.”

“Babe?”

“Mm.”

Cosima nipped at Delphine's earlobe, ran her tongue down her neck, along her collarbone.

“'Babe'...That is also really hot,” Delphine breathed.

Cosima palmed Delphine's breasts.

“Is it okay for me to lift your shirt this time?”

“ _Oui, oui_.”

Cosima pushed the shirt up, her nose following it across Delphine's stomach to the base of her breasts. Delphine inhaled. Cosima allowed herself a moment to look before lowering her face again. Her tongue danced from one freckle to the next and landed on Delphine's nipple. She took it into her mouth. Delphine lifted her hips. Cosima trailed a hand back down to the waistband of Delphine's sweatpants (how could she have been in such a rush that she hadn't noticed Delphine wearing _those_?). Delphine lifted her hips higher, bucking against Cosima. Cosima hooked her fingers under the band and took the pants and underwear together.

“I want to fuck you,” she said, spreading Delphine's legs and caressing the inside of her thighs. “And not like last time. I want to be inside you.”

Delphine's breathing quickened.

“ _D'accord_.”

They took in a breath in unison as Cosima's fingers entered. Delphine drew her knees towards her chest. She moaned, eyes closed, gnawing at her lip. Cosima curled her fingers, increasing her pace. Her thumb moved in circles around Delphine. The burning in her forearm was sweet. Cosima shifted, leaning over Delphine, hitting her just that bit deeper. _Feel how much I love you._ Delphine couldn't keep her back on the mattress. Cosima gripped her buttock with her free hand and dug her nails in.

“ _Merde,_ Cosima.”

Cosima kissed her, plunging her tongue into her open mouth. She grinned as Delphine's moans vibrated against her lips.

“Oh, oh, oh.”

Delphine's spine straightened, legs taut. She pulled Cosima closer.

“ _Merde_ ,” she sighed.

Cosima removed her fingers as Delphine's body relaxed back into the bed. They lay there together for a few moments, as though time had stopped, their chests rising and falling and meeting in the middle. Cosima could feel Delphine's warm breath against her cheek and hear the wetness of her tongue as she moistened her lips.

“Show me what to do,” Delphine whispered.

Cosima rubbed herself against Delphine's thigh.

“It's not too complex, babe,” she replied, “pretty similar to touching yourself.”

Delphine looked up into Cosima's face with hooded eyes and blushed.

“God, you're cute,” Cosima smiled, ducking her head to brush their noses together.

Cosima moved to the side and slipped her underwear down her legs. She resumed her place above Delphine, straddling her.

“Give me your hand.”

She guided Delphine's hand between her legs.

“You are already so...”

Cosima laughed.

“Yep, sure am.”

“But I barely even touched you...”

Cosima cocked her head and shrugged.

“Didn't need to. Fucking you was incredibly arousing.”

“ _Mon dieu,_ Cosima. The way you just... _say_ those things.”

“You are so cute.”

Delphine's fingers began to stroke and Cosima threw her head back. A shiver ran up her back and spread across her scalp, all her fine hairs standing on end.

“Mm, yeah, see, you know what you're doing. That's, uh, perfect.”

“You're so soft...”

Cosima rolled her hips, following Delphine's hand. She leaned forward to see Delphine's face in focus. _What had she been doing I barged into her apartment? Sweatpants, a vest, no makeup._ She had even more moles dotted across her face than Cosima had realised. Such a shame to hide them beneath powder. She caught Delphine's eyes and held them. Had they always been so green?

“I love you.”

The words slipped suddenly from her mouth. An accident, but not a mistake. Delphine rose her eyebrows. Her fingers stilled.

“Hey, don't stop,” Cosima teased, tongue peeking out behind her teeth.

“Did you just-”

“Yep. You heard me. I love you.”

“Cosima.”

“It's okay, you don't have to say it back. Just don't stop.”

She thrust her hips against Delphine's hand. Delphine continued.

“Good, good.”

She could feel the tension rising and squeezed Delphine between her knees.

“Right there. Don't stop.”

She kept her eyes on Delphine's as her orgasm flowed through her, gripping her shoulders with trembling hands.

“See?” she said on an exhale when her body finally allowed her to speak, “You totally rocked that, Delphine.”

Delphine said nothing. She stared up at Cosima until her eyes were shining with tears.

“Oh my god, Delphine, what is it?”

Delphine put her hand on Cosima's chest, curling it in the fabric of Cosima's shirt. A tear broke free and trickled down the side of her head.

“ _Je t'aime aussi._ ” 


	17. Chapter 17

Cosima ignored her phone ringing, then vibrating, then vibrating while stuffed in the bedside table drawer. Annoying as it was, it told her something. He wanted to _talk._ Not black-bag her and make sure DYAD's secrets stayed secrets. _“Oh, Cosima,”_ she could imagine him saying, _“let's not make reckless decisions. You were upset. Think about what is at stake here.”_ Cosima groaned and flopped backwards onto her bed. Her head hit the pillow with a soft thud. She removed her glasses, placed her palms over her eyes, moved them in circles. It occurred to her, briefly, that perhaps it was Delphine calling, wondering why Cosima hadn't contacted her in a few days, ready to deliver paperwork that Cosima had once convinced her to sign and was now so certain she shouldn't. At least, she thought she was certain. She had definitely _felt_ certain, striding out of Aldous' office with a sway of her hips. _Pretty sure this line of thinking is the antithesis of certain, Niehaus._ She didn't check the phone.

Cosima's thoughts wandered back to that night, fervent whispers of love against flushed skin. Nothing wounded her the way Delphine had in that moment. Not her anger, her disappointment, her distrust. Delphine had been vulnerable that night in every way it was possible to be vulnerable. Her body exposed, of course, but also her beating heart laid bare, chest open, bloody, in danger of (perhaps willingly) being devoured by the fangs above her. Cosima couldn't ignore her diseased lungs either, disfigured as they would be by polyps if she was ill like the others had been (and Cosima knew she was). Could she ever be that open for Delphine? Was that even possible? She acknowledged, and lamented, the power imbalance intrinsic to their situation. And yet she used it when it suited her. Much sooner than later the decision she made in Aldous' office was going to come to light. No amount of laying in bed, smoking pot, was going to change or delay that. She had said, if only to herself, that she was going to develop a cure (she _was_ ), with research, and testing, and probably more than a fair share of error. And probably with _out_ DYAD. But laying here, with that image of illness so graphic in her mind, Cosima felt herself dreaming of a cure more of miracles than of medicine. Why couldn't wishing make Delphine well? Why couldn't she wrap her best thoughts of wellness in a ribbon and send them out into the universe to be heard and Delphine thereby healed? Could she not give even more than her thoughts, but instead her whole self, have Delphine swallow her healthy breath and never need cough up blood again? When they made love, when Cosima felt Delphine come undone around her hand, it was as though they were but one body. Could she not give her healthy organs to heal the sickly ones? Cosima exhaled. _I am such an idiot. Is this what being in love does to you? Makes you throw all logical thought and reasoning out the window so you can dream of “the power of the universe”?_ Delphine didn't believe in stuff like that. And until this point she didn't think she did either. Cosima took her hands from her eyes. It was time she called Delphine. Better late than never ( _huh, basically my life motto)._ Whatever else happened, whatever decisions, reckless or otherwise, might forge a new path for her, falling in love with Delphine was something she knew she would never regret. Cosima rolled onto her stomach and opened the beside drawer. 16 missed calls, along with numerous messages she was not going to read right now, all from Aldous. She dialed Delphine's number. It went directly to voicemail.

 

 

Delphine was almost back to her apartment, groceries in one hand and handbag in the other, when a limousine pulled up alongside her. She turned her head at the sound of tires crunching to a stop. The driver opened the door and got out, straightening his collar as he approached her. He gave her a nod.

“Excuse me, ma'am.”

Delphine furrowed her brow.

“Ah, yes? Can I help you?”

He gestured to the vehicle with a gloved hand.

“I have been asked to drive you to the DYAD Institute, ma'am.”

Delphine tightened her grip on the bags, the crease in her forehead deepening. She took half a step back.

“I'm very sorry,” she started, glancing at the limousine, the windows too tinted to see inside, “but I just went shopping. The chicken I bought will spoil, so...”

The driver took a step closer.

“Ms. Cormier, it is imperative that you accompany me. I will make sure your groceries are stored appropriately when we arrive at the Institute.”

Delphine's blood was ice in her veins. She moved to cover her chest with the handbag. _Merde, merde..._

“I...”

The driver opened the door, gesturing inside once more.

“Please, Ms. Cormier.”

He never broke eye-contact. Delphine bit her lip.

“I don't suppose you could tell me what this is about?”

“No, I'm afraid I couldn't.”

“Of course.”

Running crossed her mind. Her apartment was what, maybe twenty metres away? But there was no way she would be able to unlock the door before he caught her. He _would_ chase her, she assumed. There was something in his tone, even and firm, that made it abundantly clear she did not have a choice here. Why was he even here? Was Dr. Leekie tired of waiting for her contract and blood sample? Had Cosima... No. Delphine dropped her head. She hadn't heard from Cosima for a few days, but there were plenty of possible reasons for that. Cosima hadn't done anything. She wouldn't.

“Ms. Cormier? I'm afraid this is the last time I am going to ask so politely.”

Delphine returned her attention to the driver. She had agreed to work with Dr. Leekie, hadn't she? They weren't going to, to... _do_...anything to her. She was a valuable subject. Delphine took a deep breath, lifting her head and raising her chest.

“ _Oui,_ of course.”

She closed the gap between them.

“I will take your groceries, Ms. Cormier, and your cell phone, please.”

Delphine handed over her shopping, hesitating for a moment before fishing her phone out of her handbag. She held onto it, ran her thumb over the screen.

“Your cell phone, Ms. Cormier.”

She watched as he slipped it into his jacket pocket.

“Now, if you would please get into the car.”

She nodded and climbed in. The interior was black leather, cool through her jeans. The driver shut the door behind her. Delphine closed her eyes and drew another deep breath. The window separating the cab from the rest of the limousine remained up for the duration of the ride, not that Delphine opened her eyes to look. He could have been driving anywhere for all she knew. She wondered what it would be like, meeting Dr. Leekie again. The last time he had seemed perfectly charming, but that was when they were still playing the game. There would be no need for that now. Cosima never seemed too afraid of him, though. The way she spoke of him was distinctly aloof, all eye-rolls and shoulder shrugs, sometimes an exaggerated moan. Delphine smiled.

The limousine stopped. Delphine opened her eyes and looked out the window. The DYAD Institute loomed over them, grey sky reflected in the glass. The driver opened her door, escorted her into the building and to the security desk, to a guard who escorted her to the elevator and all the way to the 12th floor. He said nothing. Arriving at the 12th floor, he handed her over to yet another man. This one motioned for her to get back into the elevator when the guard had gone. He had a solid jaw, square shoulders, cold eyes.

“Excuse me,” she said, “but where exactly are you taking me?”

The man pressed the button for floor 20.

“I'm sorry for the run around, Ms. Cormier. But it is a classified meeting you are to attend. My name is Daniel.”

He turned sharply and extended his hand. Delphine shook it with a frown.

“And you work for Dr. Leekie?”

Daniel turned back to face the doors.

“In a manner of speaking.”

Delphine sighed and let her weight fall against the wall. She reached into her handbag, remembered her phone was no longer inside, let the bag drop with another sigh.

“Here we are. This way, Ms. Cormier.”

Delphine followed Daniel out of the elevator and down the hallway. He knocked on the very last door.

“ _Come in_.”

Daniel nodded at her.

“You go in, Ms. Cormier. I will be waiting here when you're finished.”

He pulled the door shut behind her as she stepped inside.

“Ms. Cormier. A pleasure,” said the woman across the room, getting to her feet.

She rested a hand on her desk and smiled at Delphine without letting any warmth touch her eyes. Delphine just stared.

“I must apologise for the circumstances surrounding our first meeting. I didn't imagine it would be like this, but I feel I was left with little choice. Please, take a seat.”

Delphine blinked. The woman wore her blonde hair swept across her forehead and tied in a bun at the back of her head. She spoke with an English accent (one significantly more proper than Sara's, Delphine thought) and was dressed in a dark suit. She was undoubtedly important. And she was a _clone._

“Ms. Cormier?” the woman asked when Delphine didn't move.

“You're a clone.”

“Yes, I am.”

"And you work here, at the DYAD Institute?"  
  
"Yes, I do."

She walked around her desk until she stood in front of Delphine.

“Rebecca Duncan.”

Delphine's mouth opened and closed again.

“I can see this isn't what you expected, Ms. Cormier. Please, take a seat. I'm sure you have questions.”

Delphine rose her eyebrows and shook her head.  
  
“Yes, a few...”

Rebecca returned to her seat and waited for Delphine to sit opposite her.

“Let's get started then, shall we? Do you know why I asked you to see me today?”

“ _Asked_ me?”

Rebecca smiled with tight lips.

“Again, I am sorry about that.”

“To answer your question, no. I was thinking perhaps Dr. Leekie wanted to see me about my employment contract. I took a little while longer to sign it than I think he would have liked.”

“You have signed it, however?”

“ _Oui._ Yes. I just haven't returned it yet.”

“And you are aware that you are required to provide a blood sample?”

Delphine swallowed, raising her hand and gently tapping on her collarbone with her finger.

“Yes.”

Rebecca lifted a brow. Her eyes searched Delphine's face.

“You seem hesitant.”

Delphine's fingers ran down her chest and stopped in her lap.

“I don't like needles.”

“I see.”

Rebecca narrowed her eyes. She rested her clasped hands on the desk in front of her.

"We would have loved to have that contract in by now, that's true. But that isn't exactly why I thought we should meet today. How are you finding Cosima?”

“I'm not sure what you mean.”

“I understand you are in a romantic relationship with her. Am I understanding that correctly?”

Delphine nodded slowly.

“Yes.”

Delphine crossed her legs, focused on keeping a neutral facial expression. The light in Rebecca's eyes told her it wasn't really working.

“Why do you ask?”

Rebecca took a moment. She unclasped her hands and appeared to study her nails. She smoothed the tips with her thumb.

“Cosima hasn't been in to work for the last three days. She won't answer her phone, either.”

“I don't understand.”

Rebecca looked up from her hands. Delphine resisted the urge to squirm. She had never felt that expression on her own face. The light in Rebecca's eyes was not joy, not as Delphine understood it. The corners of Rebecca's mouth twitched.

“Before her unapproved absence, Cosima had an exchange with Dr. Leekie. She made it quite clear what she thinks of the DYAD. He would love to encourage her to come around, but until she does, or rather, in case she doesn't, things are going to have to be different.”

Delphine didn't notice she was biting her lip until she tasted metal.

“Different how?”

Rebecca stood up.

“I am very sorry that it has come to this, Ms. Cormier. But your own testing in the university lab, your hesitance to provide a blood sample, your contact with other subjects...These things have led us to believe that perhaps you have noticed some symptoms in yourself that require our attention. Cosima has given us no particular reason to believe this is true, but, again, that is part of the problem, isn't it? For your own well-being, and the well-being of the program, we have decided it would be best to keep you here at the Institute until such a time as we deem fit. Do you understand what I am saying to you, Ms. Cormier?”

Delphine rose to her feet, clutching her handbag at her side.

“You can't...I'm going home.”

Rebecca smiled.

“The door is locked, Ms. Cormier, I am sorry. There are several men waiting on the other side to escort you to your room. It will be easier for you if you allow them to do so. Again, I am very sorry it has come to this.”

The door opened behind her, but Delphine didn't take her eyes off Rebecca.

“I assure you, this is for the best.”

She felt a firm hand take her by the elbow, turn her around and lead her out into the hall, her feet moving on their own. She felt...How did she feel? There was a sense of nothingness in her chest, an empty hole, where she thought fear or panic or disbelief should be. And yet...Delphine took a breath. She listened to the sound of her footsteps on the carpet.

 

_Cosima._

 

_Cosima. What have you done?_

 


	18. Chapter 18

Cosima opened the door to Aldous, his hands in the pockets of his jacket, looking at his shoes. He lifted his head at the click of the lock. With grey eyes half closed, he sucked at the inside of his cheek.

“Cosima.”

“What the hell are you doing here, Aldous?”

Cosima blocked his view into the apartment with her body, one hand still gripping the door handle. Aldous sighed.

“We don't really have time for this. May I come in?”

“I don't think so.”

Aldous exhaled. He glanced down the hallway and back to Cosima.

“This isn't something I can talk to you about from out here.”

“Well then.”

Cosima started to close the door. Aldous forced his foot into the gap and wrapped one hand around the door frame.

“Cosima, please.”

He lowered his voice, flicking another look over his shoulder.

“It concerns Delphine.”

Cosima closed her eyes. Her glasses moved up her face as she pinched the bridge of her nose. She nudged the door wide open with her knee.

“Let's get this over with.”

Cosima walked further into the room, fingers still massaging the space between her eyes, her other hand resting on her hip. Aldous shut the door. He paused, sniffed the air.

“You should open a window,” he said, starting to unbutton his jacket.

Cosima narrowed her eyes.

“Don't bother taking it off. We're not going to be that long. And it's just pot.”

Aldous' hand lingered over the buttons for a moment before he dropped it to his side. He sighed (and would surely sigh again long before their conversation was over).

“I've never understood the whole hippie thing with you,” he started, “and I should probably stop waiving your workplace drug testing.”

He dragged his finger across a side table, then up and over the stack of books on top of it.

“I'm not yours to understand.”

He chuckled, a soft shake of his head.

“No. You've always made quite sure of that.”

His finger bumped down the books' spines.

“Is that what this is about, Aldous?”

He shrugged.

“Not really. You never officially resigned. I'm assuming that's what you were meaning with your little outburst? Ignoring my calls, not showing up for work...well. I can overlook all that.”

Cosima squeezed herself with arms crossed over her chest.

“At what price exactly?”

Aldous clicked his tongue against the roof of his mouth.

“You have always been so brilliant, Cosima. But there isn't exactly a price. I am coming to you with a proposal, but I think it is of mutual benefit.”

“I scratch your back, you scratch mine?”

“Something like that.”

Aldous started to walk towards her. Perhaps he saw her straighten, shoulders up, and chose to continue past her, stopping at her desk.

“Interesting choice of flora.”

He tipped his chin to her succulents and cacti, lined up along the back of the desk.

“They're hard to kill.”

“Hah.”

“You said it concerned Delphine.”

Aldous nodded slowly.

“I don't suppose you have heard from her.”

“I'm not even going to pretend I thought that was a question.”

Aldous walked around the desk and sat down on the couch. He looked at Cosima, waited. She remained standing.

“Well. It doesn't matter how I colour it, you're not going to like it. Delphine has been taken into our custody.”

“What?”

A low whisper. She could tell by the way he raised his eyebrows that he had expected another reaction. Where was her fire? Her rage? Cosima unfolded her arms.

“What do you mean, “custody”?”

Aldous sat with his legs spread, one hand on each thigh.

“It was largely Rebecca's idea, and I must admit I'm not entirely on board with it. You know my preferred method of handling the experiment has been less... direct. But she's not known for her patience, Cosima, and you have certainly tried it. You should have known your actions would have consequences.”

“Yes, but for me! Why Delphine? She hasn't done anything.”

Cosima fought her body for control of her limbs, forcing her arms to remain at her sides, her legs locked at the knee. She heard her voice waver as anger slipped in and started tipping words over.

“No, she hasn't. Take this as us making serious on what you have been warned about.”

“So you're _punishing Delphine_ for my choices?”

“I think it will be good for her.”

“In what fucking world, Aldous, will it be good for her?”

Cosima was shaking now, whole body bristling.

“She's sick, isn't she?”

As quickly as it had boiled over, her rage simmered and cooled, down through her cheeks, her neck, her chest, dropping into her stomach. Cosima swallowed.

“What?”

“324b21 has been exhibiting the symptoms of the clone disease, for lack of a better term, hasn't she, Cosima.”

Cosima said nothing. The muscles in her jaw jumped.

“You don't need to answer,” Aldous said, waving a hand in her general direction. “I already know. And medical testing will confirm it, at any rate.”

“She'll never consent to that.”

“We're a bit past issues of consent, Cosima. Though if you really think about it, haven't we always been?”

Cosima started to shake her head.

“No. The subjects...they make their own...”

Her voice trailed away and she let it go. He wasn't wrong. Not really. Aldous was staring at her, head titled back.

“What exactly do you want from me?”

Aldous smiled and she hated him for it.

“Come back to work. I will make sure that you can work directly with Delphine, towards a cure. We haven't been particularly successful in that regard so far, but we haven't had the two of you on it.”  
  
“The _two_ of us? What makes you think she'll help?”

Aldous shrugged.

“Sense of self-preservation? Convincing words from someone she loves? Desire to save her...'sisters'. I think we have a real chance at cracking it. Don't you? I wasn't being entirely factitious when I said you could be the next Watson and Crick.”

Cosima rolled her eyes. One day she would get around to lecturing him on Rosalind Franklin.

“And that's it. Really. You just want me to...come back to work.”

“Yes.”

Cosima closed her eyes. She took a breath. Another. In. Out.

“Okay.”

 

Cosima swiped her access card, the door sliding open with a familiar beep. What awaited her on the other side was anything but familiar. She knew the woman huddled in the corner, knees drawn into her chest, bare toes gripping the white linoleum beneath her. She knew her and yet her mind whispered _no, that is a stranger_. Cosima stepped into the room and the door closed behind her. There was only enough space for a hospital bed and accompanying medical equipment, a small bookshelf and abandoned armchair, with a door to Cosima's left that she assumed led to a bathroom. There was a long mirror along one wall. _One-way. For observation._ Delphine continued to stare straight ahead.

“Delphine?”

Delphine turned her head, her eyes widening. Her mouth opened but no sound came. Cosima's footsteps echoed as she walked towards Delphine. She knelt a few feet away, opening and closing her hand without reaching out. Delphine's gaze lingered over the personnel ID card clipped to her lab coat.

“Are...are you okay?”  
  
Cosima winced at the sound of her own words. _Stupid, stupid question._ Delphine released her knees and lay her legs straight out in front of her. The crook of her elbow was purple, evidence of a blood sample forcibly taken. She looked down.

“What's going on?” she whispered.

Cosima skimmed her fingers over Delphine's shoulder. When she didn't pull away, Cosima let her hand rest.

“Can you tell me what happened, Delphine?”

A tear fell into Delphine's lap. Cosima felt her tremble beneath her hand. It was a long while before Delphine spoke.

“I was walking home when a man approached me,” she began, linking and unlinking her fingers over and over, “he said I needed to go with him to DYAD. I thought...I thought perhaps he was talking me to see Dr. Leekie.”

Delphine took a deep breath.

“The person I ended up meeting, however... She is a clone, like me, Cosima. Rebecca Duncan. Did you know?”

Cosima shook her head.

“I've never met her in person,” she said carefully. _Though I did have my suspicions._

Delphine nodded, and shrugged, then sighed. She pulled her legs back up and wrapped her arms around them. Cosima did not dare to break the silence. Delphine buried her face in her knees.

“This is because of you.”

Cosima's heart stilled in her chest and she pulled her hand away.

“What do you-”

Delphine's head whipped up. She glared at Cosima from beneath lashes fused together with tears.

“You weren't coming to work, you, you, had an argument with Dr. Leekie? She told me they couldn't trust you, Cosima. She said they have to keep me here for the security of the program.”

She looked pointedly at Cosima's ID.

“But I see you are still here.”

Delphine put her face back in her knees.

“Who can I possibly trust?”

Cosima glanced up at the mirror, wondering who might be watching their exchange. Recording it too, undoubtedly.

“Delphine,” she said softly, “this was not my intention.”

Delphine exhaled sharply through her nose.

“I know, I know. But I need you to know that. And the reason I had the argument with Aldous.”

Cosima looked at the mirror again. She leaned in to Delphine, her breath hot against the shell of Delphine's ear. Delphine tensed.

“I just couldn't listen to him any longer, Delphine. I thought I was doing the right thing. I had absolutely no idea they would do this.”

Delphine didn't move, didn't speak.

“It was stupid. I didn't think it through. And I'm sorry. God, I am so sorry. Aldous visited me last night. He explained what had happened. He wants,” Cosima paused, closed her eyes for a beat and opened them again, “he wanted me to come back and start working on the cure. With you. We are going to have to be very careful.”

Delphine lifted her head, just enough that Cosima could see her red and swollen eyes. Cosima drew back. She raised her eyebrows, flicking her head towards the mirror. Delphine nodded.

“I thought so,” she said.

Cosima reached out her hand toward Delphine.

“You can trust me. I promise.”

“You do say that a lot.”

Delphine smiled. She took Cosima's hand in her own.

“But I don't have much other choice, do I?”

“Nope. You're stuck with me.”

“May as well make the best of a bad situation, then.”

“Totally.”

 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning: there is some mention of suicide in this chapter.
> 
> Sorry for the wait!
> 
> _just breathe, don't drown your heart, baby, just breathe, don't drown your heart._

Delphine's eyelids fluttered between open and closed. With no natural light, no clock, it was impossible to know just how long she had been laying on that bed, just how long she had been in that room at all. Her thoughts felt separate from her body. Whatever medicine flowed through the IV and into her veins pulled her eyes closed. They hadn't told her. She hadn't asked. Amusement tugged at the corner of her lips. What did free will mean, really? The ability to reason and come to your own conclusions, make your own decisions? Humans are the only beings in all creation to have free will, assuming _maman's_ old stories were true, and not even angels, faces veiled lest they stare upon the light of their master, can truly choose. Delphine sighed. What did free will mean for her? Had she ever truly made her own decisions, or had everything been decided for her, guided for her? She thought back to her slew of disastrous relationships. Those men showing up at just the right time with just the right words to say. Did she really choose any of them? She knew she wouldn't choose them now, and she certainly did not make the choice to be here, in this room, white walls and bright lights blindingly unforgiving. The line between conscious and unconscious faded away.  
  


She could see herself standing on the top of a cliff, bare toes curled over the edge, dirt crumbling away and falling, falling, falling into the sea. The wind whipped her hair about her face, her hospital gown billowing around her waist. She could feel her legs shaking at the knee but she stared straight ahead, her eyes on the horizon. The sea thrashed against the rocks below. She wiggled her toes. Goosebumps prickled her skin and traveled up her neck, across her scalp. She threw back her head but the brightness above her did not come from the sun. There was no warmth against her flesh. Delphine squinted, the cliff disappeared, her eyes opened. She was awake again.  
  


Delphine avoided looking in the mirror. She did not need one to know. She felt her cracked lips beneath her tongue, could see her skin too pale, patted a hand over hair heavy and clinging to her head. How long _had_ she been laying here? Delphine moved her arm and rested it across her stomach. That day, back in that bathroom, hands shaking as they drew that razor across those wrists...had she made her own choice then? She remembered how her stomach twisted into knots at the thought of coming home from school for the weekend. _Maman_ scolded her, ridiculed her, over every little thing. Delphine couldn't remember exactly when _maman_ had soured. Surely there had been a time when she was loving, when she caressed and comforted and smiled. Delphine did remember that there had been a moment, however brief, when she felt powerful clutching that razor in her hands. _Maybe this will show her,_ she thought, _maybe Papa will come home_. She remembered how the bath water changed so quickly, remembered her heart pounding in her ears, a chill rushing through her body. There was nothing after that. She woke up in a bed not so unlike this one. Her father wasn't here, but _maman_ was, her hands clasped white in her lap. _Maman_ had said her life was not hers to take. It belonged to God and she had no right. _I am copyrighted intellectual property, maman_ , _what do you think about that? You were right. My life is not my own._ If she had died that day, would God have even wanted her? Could clones even... Delphine breathed in. Her arm rose and fell. If everything in her life was by design, if there really was a hand hovering above her, she doubted God had anything to do with it. The DYAD, though... What had Dr. Leekie's intention been, assigning Cosima to be her monitor? Was getting her to help with a cure his endgame? Surely he had not foreseen a romantic involvement. Delphine found herself hoping that it had surprised him. Just a little bit of control, just to know that even for a moment she could change _something_. Yet, in the end, did it really matter? She was here now. Whether she wanted that or not. She was _sick_ now. And once again, she had no choice, but to trust Cosima.

 

“Cosima,” she whispered, saliva crusted in the corners of her lips, “ _non_.”

Her eyes opened and she grimaced at the taste on her tongue, scrapping it beneath her teeth. She turned her face to where her brain thought a window should be. She sighed. Her eyes traveled from her hand, up her arm, following the IV. Some sort of sedative; she knew that without having to ask. It was probably just as well. Without it there would be nothing to stop her from pacing this room, anxiety building in her chest until she screamed, smashed her hands against that mirror, clawed meaninglessly at the door. How much longer did she need to wait for Cosima to return? Her muscles fussed as she forced her body up, dropping her legs over the side of the bed. Her feet shuffled across the floor, the IV pole sliding along beside her. It took exactly fifteen steps to reach the toilet. Delphine's hand struggled with her underwear, the other gripping the pole, but finally she fell onto the seat. She sighed again. She sat there longer than she needed to, curls a curtain around her face, looking at her knees. She crossed her feet. Weariness set in her bones. The door beeped, opened, boots clacked towards her.

“Delphine?”

She lifted her head.

“Do you need some help?”

Delphine squinted. She knew her voice, would never forget it, but it was so hard to see.

“Cosima,” she croaked.

“Shh, here.”  
  
Cosima wrapped an arm around her shoulders, her other hand slipping into Delphine's armpit as she guided her to her feet.

“My underwear,” Delphine whispered without embarrassment, looking down at the cotton around her ankles.

“Oh, yeah.”

They made their way back to Delphine's bed. Cosima pulled back the sheet before lowering Delphine onto it.

“How long?” Delphine asked, moistening her lips with her tongue, as Cosima readjusted the pillows beneath her head.

Cosima blinked, frowning.

“How long have I been here?”

“Oh.”

Cosima forced a smile. She touched Delphine's forehead with the back of her hand.

“You're a bit warm.”

“Mm. How long?”

“A bit over a week.”

Delphine nodded, swallowed, turned her head away.   
  
“How are you feeling?”

Delphine huffed air through her nose.  
  
“I mean, physically. How's your cough? Any pain?”

Delphine locked eyes with herself in the mirror (and barely recognised the woman staring back).  
  
“You can see how often I cough, _non_?”   
  
When Cosima didn't speak (though her reflection, with eyes firmly closed, her nostrils flaring as she exhaled, spoke for her), Delphine turned her head back to look at her.   
  
“I haven't noticed much of a cough,” she began, “and whatever cocktail they have me on is masking any pain.”  
  
Cosima nodded several times, her eyes opened and _focused_ now, dreads bouncing, and it struck Delphine how she had missed her. Missed those quirks, those mannerisms, that made Cosima, Cosima.

“Why did it take you so long?” Delphine breathed, grasping for Cosima's hand.   
  
Cosima interlinked their fingers and squeezed.   
  
“They've had me running lab work, some kind of power-play bullshit.”  
  
“On what?”

“Your samples, mostly.”

“Mostly?”

Cosima shrugged and sighed and closed her eyes again in one motion.

“Mostly?” Delphine pressed.

Her eyes felt so heavy. She blinked, widened her eyes. _Stay awake_.

“There are others,” Cosima said, her words deliberate and paced, but Delphine gripped her hand hard and she stopped.

“Others? Like Sara, or Bess, Alice?”

Delphine pushed her body upright, searching Cosima's face.

“Hey, hey, lay down.”

Cosima put her hands on Delphine's shoulders but they were shrugged away.

“Who?”

Delphine could feel the panic swelling in her chest.

“You don't, didn't, know her,” Cosima said softly, guiding Delphine's almost instantly relaxed frame back onto the bed.

“Didn't?” Delphine asked after a moment with a creased brow.

Cosima shook her head.

“Her name was Jennifer Fitzsimmons.”

“And she...died?”

“Yeah. I'm sorry.”

_Why?_ Delphine thought but did not, perhaps could not, say. _Because she was a clone, like me? Because she was sick, like me? Because she died..._  
  
“When can I start work?”

Cosima rose her eyebrows.

“I know I don't...look well,” Delphine said, licking her lips again, “but I can't stay in here for much longer, Cosima. I feel like I am going mad. I don't even understand why I have to be in here. Is it about the samples? I would have given the samples...”

As her voice trailed away, Delphine frowned at herself; her actions up to this point had indicated otherwise, after all. Cosima said nothing.

“Please Cosima,” Delphine begged, hearing the desperation in her voice and yet feeling desperate enough not to hate herself for it, “please. I'll do my part. I won't try and leave. I'll give samples, have tests done, whatever it is I have to do, I'll do it. Please.”

Cosima closed her eyes. She held Delphine's hand so tightly that it almost hurt. When she opened them they were moist with tears. She turned, looking into the mirror, her voice little more than a whisper.

“See?”

The door slid open.

 

 


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just really want to thank those of you who have been reading and commenting along the way. I value your feedback so much and you really inspire me to keep working on this. I won't name you all, but if you think this could be about you, it definitely is <3 You know who you are. 
> 
> _til you can breathe on your own, hold tight, you're slowly coming back to life_

Cosima liked to think she wasn't the sort of person to cry easily. And perhaps she wasn't. But lately, oh, lately, how she felt she was crying all the time. Delphine had touched her like no one had touched her before. She had fallen so quickly that it seemed like things had always been this way, that her heart had always been Delphine's. What had her work at the DYAD been for before? The mere satisfaction of her own inquiring mind? The stakes were so much higher now. Impossibly high. And she was getting nowhere.

Delphine's blood did not speak to Cosima on a slide in a microscope as it did beating in her throat beneath Cosima's lips. Research piled high across her desk offered her even less. Aldous was nauseatingly optimistic, even as Delphine lay prone in her basement level bed, smiling that damned toothy smile and ever saying _you'll figure it out_.

_And what if I don't?_

_What if Delphine dies too?_   
  


Jennifer Fitzsimmons' video diaries terrified Cosima. Her thumb hovered over the off button on the remote as she stared at that face ( _Delphine's_ face, another voice coming from her mouth, her hair longer but just as curly, just as blonde) and yet she could not tear her eyes away. Jennifer had had a life, people who loved her, people she loved. She spoke of her students with a passion that Cosima was sure she had seen in Delphine's eyes when she discussed immunology. She had DYAD researching her illness from almost the moment she was symptomatic and yet, and yet...

Cosima found herself wondering what had become of Greg, Jennifer's mysterious monitor (there was no point in asking Aldous). He appeared at her side in the videos from the beginning right until the bitter end. He never looked into the camera. An outsider might see him, caressing Jennifer's head as she rested against his shoulder, and say that surely he loved her. How could he stay as her body wasted away, her cheeks caved in and her hair came away in clumps, if he did not? But Cosima was not an outsider. What had he been offered (what had he _accepted_ ) as payment for his deception? Did Aldous have to sweet talk him? Threaten him? Cosima's lips twisted. Jennifer was not self-aware, and Greg played his part in keeping it that way. Where was he now? She could imagine him sitting at his dining room table, a cup of coffee in one hand, today's paper spread in front of him. His life going on while Jennifer slept in the morgue. Another woman pecking his cheek as she readied herself for the day. Perhaps she was being too unkind. She didn't really know anything about him, did she? Perhaps he _had_ loved her too. And perhaps Greg, if he were to sit where she sat now, might see Cosima's own hand in Delphine's as she hacked up blood and wonder the very same thing.

  
Cosima had insisted on participating in the autopsy. She took in a breath the moment the sheet covering Jennifer's face was drawn back. She didn't let it go.

“Dr. Niehaus?”

Cosima found her gaze fixed on Jennifer, with her lips tinged blue, not even a single strand of golden hair left to frame her frozen face. Cosima swallowed. Her eyes moved from one freckle to the next.

“Dr. Niehaus? If you're ready I'll begin.”

_You have to tell us something_ , Cosima felt her mind whisper to whatever was left of the woman on the slab before her. She pulled her surgical mask over her mouth, the elastic snapping against the back of her ears. She wasn't a medical doctor but she wasn't clueless, either.

“Yeah, I'm ready.”

 

Jennifer had sores along her lips, the insides of her gums, the result of her body's reaction to attempted treatment of her illness.

“It caused the hair loss as well,” the doctor explained, her hands encased within Jennifer's open gut.

Cosima nodded. She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose with the back of her bloodied glove.

“So it's not Wegener's granulomatosis, or Churg-Strauss syndrome...it has to be auto-immune...” Cosima muttered to no one in particular.

The doctor answered anyway.

“That's what we're currently thinking, yes. But an unclassified disorder. Immuno-suppressants had limited effect. In fact, we think they may have exacerbated her condition. Look here,” the doctor said, moving down Jennifer's body, “see here, in the uterus? The growths that develop on the lungs are larger here. The respiratory symptoms have been the first noticeable in all subjects affected by the disease, but the size of these polyps suggest that it may have originated here, and spread.”

Cosima frowned.

“Couldn't that also be the cause of their infertility?”

The doctor rolled one shoulder and rose her eyebrows.

“Possibly.”

_Possibly._

“Where there any plans for future treatments?”

“The subject's body was already starting to shut down. See here, how there are polyps on her kidneys as well? It spread throughout the majority of her epithelial tissue. And as I said, we believe the immuno-suppressant therapy we attempted may have actually caused her to decline faster.”

“So you gave up?” Cosima said through her teeth.

The doctor shrugged again.

“On this one.”

Cosima closed her eyes.

“And what of the others?”

“I was only assigned to this particular subject, Dr. Niehaus, and it is my understanding that other teams have been approaching treatment from a variety of avenues. Though if I was to offer a suggestion, we did consider looking into stem cells. Finding a match could take months, if not longer, and this subject didn't have that kind of time, but your one might.”

Cosima took a step back from the table. She removed her gloves from the wrist and dropped them. They slapped against the concrete flooring.

“Her name is Delphine,” she said, tugging the mask from her face.

The doctor narrowed her eyes.

“Certainly, Dr. Niehaus,” she replied.

“If you'll excuse me.”

Cosima shed her surgical apron as she approached the door, letting it fall too fall to the ground. _Stem cells._ She considered her knowledge of that particular subject to be rudimentary at best, but she did know a bit. Like that every cell in the body was the descendant of a single stem cell. Epithelial cells formed skin, while red blood cells transported oxygen and carbon dioxide around the body. Stem cells, on the other hand, simply divided, and could be used, at least in theory, to replace other damaged cells. Bone marrow treatments had been used since the late 1960s to reboot the immune systems of people undergoing radiation treatments or chemotherapy. Stem cells, isolated from donated bone marrow, would be injected into the patient and circulate throughout their system before settling in the bones and producing the white blood cells their body needed to fight infection. Was it a cure? Cosima frowned. Perhaps it would be little more than a band-aid. But it could give Delphine more time. More time before her body collapsed under the strain of an immune system run ragged and organs riddled with disease. She needed to do more research. If nothing else, she knew where she might find a donor match. The thought made her stomach turn.

 

In her dreams she saw Jennifer. The morgue was dark, one corner barely illuminated by a flickering fluorescent light. On, off. On, off. She could see her own breath clouding in front of her face as she walked towards that corner, her skin burning as she reached out to touch the freezer drawer. It screeched open. Jennifer was hidden beneath a thin blue sheet. Cosima found her hand moved of its own will, drawing the sheet down, even as Cosima screamed _no, don't_ within the confines of her own head. Jennifer's eyes opened and at once Cosima knew. It wasn't Jennifer at all.

 

Delphine was asleep when Cosima opened the door and she found her breath catch in her throat. _Oh, thank fuck._ Asleep, her chest rising and falling. Just asleep. Alive. She stirred as Cosima walked towards her.

“Cosima?”

“Hey, babe, I'm here.”

Cosima sat on the bed, ran her hand down Delphine's cheek, pressed a brief kiss to her forehead.

“Dr. Leekie came by again,” Delphine muttered before blinking rapidly, “he, ah...what...”

“It's okay, babe. Wait until you've woken up.”

“Mm. _Oui_.”

Delphine leaned into Cosima's touch. She closed her eyes again, her breathing evened out, and Cosima assumed she had fallen back to sleep. Maybe that would be for the best for now. Maybe she could put off asking what she dreaded to ask.

“Cosima?” Delphine said suddenly.

“Yeah, babe?”

“Did you need something?”

_Are you a mind-reader?_

“Do you remember what Aldous had to say?”

Delphine rolled over and pressed her face into Cosima's side. She nodded.

“He wanted to discuss some more 'ground rules'. About working with you.”

“I bet he did.”

“You know, he wanted to make sure I understood that I cannot leave certain wings of the building, and that, for the time being, I am not to contact my sisters. He did say, if I agreed, he could have me moved to a nicer room. Maybe even one with a window.”

Delphine tipped her head back and smiled up at Cosima, humour touching her eyes.

“Oh, a window? Wow, five star luxury right there!”

Delphine laughed, eyes crinkling, and Cosima inhaled.

“Delphine, I have something I need to talk to you about.”

“Oh?”

Delphine gripped Cosima's shoulder and pulled herself up. She dipped her head to look into Cosima's face.

“What is it?”

Cosima took another breath.

“I've been thinking about potential treatment options for you. The research at this stage seems to point to your symptoms being auto-immune, but immuno-suppressant therapy hasn't yielded any positive results in other patients.”

Cosima paused. Delphine was still looking right at her, those doe eyes locked on target. She felt naked beneath that stare.

“You are considering trialing a stem cell treatment, _non_?”

Cosima's eyes widened. She shook her head, impressed and surprised all at once.

“Delphine, wow.”

Delphine shrugged and leaned back into the pillows behind her.

“I have thought about it myself.”

“So I'm assuming you've considered the likelihood of finding a match?”

Delphine nodded.

“ _That_ is why you are here.”

“Yeah.”

“And you are wanting to ask me if...”

“Yeah. I'm sorry.”

“We can't talk about that here,” Delphine said, with a nod towards the mirror to her right, “you know that.”

“I just need the address.”  
  
Delphine bit her lip.

“Cosima, I can't.”

“I'm just going to ask.”

“They will not trust you.”

“I know.”

“They... Cosima, I cannot talk about this here.”

Cosima reached into the pocket of her lab coat, producing a notebook and pen.

“Just an address. I will take care of the rest.”

“She will hate me, Cosima.”

“She won't.”

Delphine dropped her head. She took the pen and paper from Cosima without looking at her.

“Thank you.”

“I would not thank me just yet,” Delphine said, handing the paper back, “you haven't met her.”

 

_She doesn't hate Delphine_ , Cosima thought, staring into that stormy expression surrounded by a tangle of hair, _but she certainly does not like me_. Sara Manning stood before her, using her body to block the doorway, the yellow remains of a bruise lingering over her cheekbone, around her eye socket.

“Where the fuck is she?” Sara growled.

“Nice to meet you, too. I'm Cosima.”

“I know who you are. Where the fuck is she?”

“She's safe, I promise. She gave me this address.”

“I'm sure she did it of her own bloody free will too, yeah? Where is she?”

Sara stepped out onto the front step and grabbed Cosima by her collar.

“Whoa, hey, easy. I'm just here to talk.”

Sara did not let go. She lifted Cosima ever so slightly, moving her face closer. Cosima could feel her breath. Heat smouldered in her eyes.

“You had better start talking really fucking fast.”

“Can I come inside? We shouldn't discuss this out here.”

Sara snorted. She eyed Cosima for a moment more before loosing her grip and retreating into the house. Cosima knew better than to wait for an invitation to follow (the door left open and not slammed in her face was invitation enough, she supposed). Sara walked through the front lounge and into the kitchen. She positioned herself with her back against the bench, arms folded.

“Like I said, you had better start talking. Spit it out.”

Cosima cleared her throat.

“Nice place you have here.”  
  
“It's my mum's place. Don't change the subject. What do you want?”

“Okay, look, Sara. I know you have no reason to trust me. Like, at all. But I am here for Delphine. For all of you, really, I guess.”

“Does this cute rambling thing usually work for you?”

Cosima frowned and pressed her fingers into her brow.

“I'm sorry. This is just... It's not easy.”

She thought for a moment that she saw Sara's face soften, the crease between her eyes melting away.

“What do you mean by that?”

Cosima sighed.

“Do you mind if I sit down? Maybe you should sit down too.”

“I'm good. But go ahead.”

Cosima pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and fell into it. Suddenly they both heard a heavy thump. Sara turned her head towards the door to her left, then quickly back to Cosima. Her cheeks seemed pinker.

“What was that?”

“None of your business.”

There was another thump. Sara didn't look away from Cosima this time.

“What _was_ that? Is there someone else here?”

“My mum's down in the basement.”  
  
“Why?”

“Trying to fix the water heater.”

Cosima went to stand up.  
  
“Oi, sit down. You're not leaving until we've had our talk.”

“I don't want her to overhear.”

Sara smiled.

“She won't. She has her hands full. And I don't really give a shit if she does. Talk.”

“I really do recommend sitting down for this.”

“I'm. Good.”

Cosima nodded. She parted her legs, propping her elbows up on her thighs, hands joined in front of her face.

“Has Delphine told you that she's sick?”

Sara pushed off from the bench.

“Sick how?”

“Sick like Katja was sick.”

“What? So she's coughing up blood too?”

Cosima made herself maintain eye-contact.

“Yes.”

“Bloody hell.”

Sara cussed, fell back against the bench.

“So where is she?”  
  
“Delphine is with us. We're working on developing a treatment for her. For all of you. There is a relatively high chance that any one of you could start showing symptoms. We don't actually know what exactly causes the illness, or how to cure it.”  
  
“You're shitting me.”

“I wish I was.”

Sara's hands balled into fists and she slammed one back into the cabinet. Crockery rattled inside.

“So you scientists create us, spy on us, make us sick somehow, and don't even know how to fix it?”

Her voice rose as she spoke, spittle flying in Cosima's direction.

“Yes.”

“How is she?”

Cosima simply shook her head and Sara roared. She spun around and kicked the cabinet this time. She shrugged out of her leather jacket, threw it across the room, knocking a vase from the kitchen table. Cosima winced.

“Are you telling me Delphine is going to die?”

“We have an idea for a new treatment. That's what I'm here about.”

Sara frowned. Cosima could see her shoulders, arms, fists, still quaking with rage. Confusion and anger, such a volatile combination.

“I don't get it.”

“We want to trial some sort of stem cell treatment. But before we can do that, we need to find a donor who will be a match for Delphine. The best bet is to try with a relative.”

“And what, you're asking me?”

“No. Not exactly. You and Delphine share essentially identical DNA, and there is no guarantee that you are healthy either, I'm sorry to say.”

“So what then?”

Cosima took a steady breath in between her teeth.

“You have a daughter, I understand.”

“How the hell do you know that?”

“Delphine didn't tell me. And the DYAD doesn't know, either.”

“ _How_ _the hell do you know?_ ”

Cosima put her hands, palms up, beside her head.  
  
“I'm her monitor. I snooped.”

“Fucking bitch.”

“I'm not arguing with you on that one.”

Sara stomped a foot and opened the fridge just to slam the door. Cosima waited.

“I can't just give you my kid's bloody...what would it even be?”

“Bone marrow, preferably. From inside her hip.”

“Shit. I can't just give you that. Hand over her information to DYAD. I know I don't understand all that science shit like Del, but I know that much. They can't know about her.”

Cosima nodded.

“I know what I'm asking is huge, I do. And I wouldn't be here if I didn't think it was Delphine's best way forward. Maybe her only way forward.”

The stairs creaked. Cosima turned her head and saw a girl standing there, a stuffed monkey tucked under her arm. Her hair was blonde, curling down to her shoulders, her eyes big and round and beautifully brown. Freckles dotted her nose, cheeks, her chin.

“Is Auntie Delphine really going to die?” she asked softly, looking directly at Cosima.

“Oh, Kira, I thought you were napping. You shouldn't be down here right now.”

Sara crossed the room, took Kira by the hand.   
  
“Come on, monkey, I'll take you back upstairs.”

Kira kept her focus on Cosima.

“Is Auntie Delphine really going to die?” she asked again.

Cosima flicked a glance between Sara and Kira.   
  
“She might.”

“I want to help.”

Sara started to shake her head.

“We can talk about this later, when mummy's guest has gone home. Okay, monkey?”

“You love Auntie Delphine.”

It was not a question. Cosima felt her heart flutter.

“I do.”

“I want to help.”

Sara sighed. She closed her eyes and for minutes no one spoke.   
  
“What do we have to do?”

 

In her dreams she saw Kira. She was skipping, then running, laughter like velvet bubbling out of her mouth. She held her stuffed monkey by the paw, swinging it at her side. The sun shone through her hair. Cosima smiled. She followed Kira through a field of white daisies. At times she lost sight of her, the daises too tall, but followed the sound of her singing, her giggles, and then the flashes of gold. _Come on, Cosima,_ she called. And Cosima always found her again. At last they reached the end of the field, and Kira spun around. She smiled so brightly and at once Cosima knew. It wasn't Kira at all.

 


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for your patience <3 
> 
> _Je donnerai tout pour être dans tes bras_

Delphine was provided with a new room, as agreed, no more hospital gown, and it _did_ have windows (one-way, she assumed, but what did that matter? She could feel the sun kiss her skin again). Why everything had to be so white she would never understand, but at least there was space in her new accommodations for movement. Even if she did seem to spend more time confined to her bed than out of it.

  
Today was a good day. She still had them on occasion. Her head was clear, her breathing even. She didn't need that damn cannula. Maybe, maybe, she would be able to go into the lab later. But first... Delphine squeezed her fist around the piece of paper inside. The cameras might see her reading it (though she had to wonder, did someone really sit and watch her 24 hours a day?), but she would make sure they never knew what it said. She uncurled her fingers, her other hand cupped over the scrawl of text.  
  
 _Del – the geek is all right by me. Gonna get what you need. All send their love.  
                   PS: my plan went off without too much trouble.    
_                                                                                                  - S  
  
Delphine blinked rapidly and closed her eyes. She wrapped her hand around the paper, ran her thumb over and over her knuckles. Breathed in. Listened to the slow thump of her heart. Then she balled up the note and shoved it into her mouth. She grimaced, paper sticking to her gums, eyes forced shut. In a few gulps it was gone. Delphine smacked her lips together and scrapped her tongue between her teeth. If only she could have kept it. Read it again. Held it just a little longer. A tangible tie to the world, to her sisters, out there. Beyond the white walls and the cameras and the lies. She had forgotten all about Sara's fool plan to capture (capture had been her intention, hadn't it? _Merde_ ) their killer counterpart, though she supposed being captured herself was more than enough reason for that lapse in memory. If only Sara could have forgotten about it, too. What did “not too much trouble” even mean? Especially by Sara's standards? Delphine shook her head. She dreaded to think. And there would be no note at all had things truly gone wrong. She knew, at the time Sara suggested it, that she herself had not discouraged it. She had been curious, _was_ curious, about what kind of woman could kill her own sisters in cold blood. Women who looked just like her. Women like Danielle. Delphine turned at the knock on her door. Her chest fell as she exhaled. These were thoughts for another time.  
  
“You done?” came a voice through the frosted glass.   
  
“Yes,” she called back, “just a moment.”

 

Cosima cocked her head, an eyebrow raised, when Delphine opened the door.   
  
“You look good,” she blurted out, and immediately frowned. “Uh.”

She raised her hands.   
  
“Let me try again. Hey.”  
  
Delphine smiled and tucked a curl behind her ear.  
  
“Don't I always look good?”

Cosima smiled with her tongue between her teeth.  
  
“Well yeah, of course. But I mean, your skin, your eyes... You feeling good today?”  
  
Delphine dipped her head as she nodded, felt a giddy flush heat her cheeks.  
  
“Thank you for knocking,” she said softly, “I appreciate it.”  
  
“Yeah, of course,” Cosima replied, frowning once more.   
  
Delphine kept her eyes on the carpet.

“It's just, I know you could have used your card to unlock the door.”  
  
A moment passed between them. Slowly, Cosima reached out and cupped Delphine's chin. She tilted her face up, holding her there, waited until Delphine met her eyes.   
“You do look really good today.”  
  
Delphine swallowed as Cosima drew her thumb from her ear, down her jaw, up again to brush the underside of her lip.   
  
“What did it say?” Cosima whispered, still staring into Delphine's eyes.   
  
“What?”  
  
“The note.”  
  
“Oh. Oh!”  
  
Delphine lowered her gaze again. A squirm worked its way down her neck and through her shoulders.

“There was little detail.”

“Your sister isn't stupid.”

Delphine chuckled, shook her head. Cosima didn't let go.  
  
“No, she's not. She sends their love. And she...seems to approve of you.”

Cosima laughed this time.

“Oh, does she? I did leave our meeting wondering. She left it a little up in the air.”

“That does sound like her.”  
  
“Not the type to wear her heart on her sleeve, is she. You're all so...”

“Different?”

“Well, yes.”

Delphine felt Cosima's grip on her chin waver.

“I shouldn't have said that. Of course you're all different. You're not the same person.”

Delphine shrugged. Cosima was still looking right at her. Her thumb drew circles on Delphine's cheek.

“I've thought it myself.”

“That's your prerogative Delphine. Not mine. I'm sorry.”  
  
“Are you saying that I wear my heart on my sleeve?”

Cosima pursed her lips, moved them from side to side. She clicked her tongue.

“Hm. No. But I think I can read you pretty well now.”

Delphine opened her mouth. Closed it. Tossed her curls and tried again.

“Do you think, if she was dressed as me, pretended to be me, that you would be able to tell?”

Cosima rolled onto her toes. She pressed their foreheads together, closed her eyes.

“She wouldn't smell like you,” she whispered, “she wouldn't sound like you, either. Not just her voice, her accent, but her words. She wouldn't speak the way you do. She wouldn't stand like you, hold herself the way you do. She wouldn't kiss like you do.”

Cosima opened her eyes and Delphine swallowed again. She moistened her lips. Cosima smiled.  
  
“I would totally be able to tell.”

Her words were thick and dropped into the pit of Delphine's stomach.

“Oh?” she whispered back.

She wanted to close her eyes, _would_ usually close her eyes, but she didn't. Couldn't? She didn't know. It didn't matter.

“You see,” Cosima said, each word punctuated, “when I kiss you...”

Cosima grinned into the kiss that followed. She let her tongue slide along Delphine's bottom lip.

“Oh,” Delphine whimpered.

She tried to press back but Cosima broke contact, releasing her hold on Delphine's face.

“Yes, that, you see. That little moan. Dead giveaway.”

Delphine blinked.

“ _Cosima_ ,” she breathed, “you are such a brat.”

It had been so long, she reasoned with herself, and that was why her skin was on fire, why that little kiss sent a tremor right through her. Her eyes found Cosima's mouth.

“More.”

“Oh, Ms. Cormier...”

“More.”

Delphine took Cosima's face in her hands and pulled her close. She could feel Cosima's breasts against her body, the flat of Cosima's stomach against her own, the dig of Cosima's hips. Their bodies slotted into place, completed the puzzle. Delphine was whole. She kissed Cosima and they shared the same breath. Cosima had her eyes closed. She was smiling. Delphine ran her thumb down Cosima's throat and felt her vibrate against her lips. She felt Cosima swallow. She did not close her eyes. _I never want to forget_.  
Suddenly Delphine's knees shook and she took a step back, one arm flying out to catch herself on the door frame.

“Delphine?”

Delphine inhaled. How quickly Cosima's expression had changed. Her head turned to look up into Delphine's face, eyebrows pinched in the middle, eyes searching. Her smile replaced with a tight line. Just like that.

“I'm fine, Cosima, I'm fine.”

She breathed in once more and moved to close the gap between them. Cosima stopped her with a gentle hand, palm pressed against her chest.

“Delphine, are you feeling dizzy? Do you need your cannula?”

“ _Non_!”

Delphine shook her head with a flurry of curls.

“I'm fine!”

She heard the crack in her voice and squeezed her eyes shut. _No, no._  
  
“You don't sound fine, babe, come on.”

Cosima took her hand. She threaded their fingers together and brought them to her lips. She kissed each of Delphine's knuckles.

“Come with me.”

Delphine pressed her face into her other hand, feet planted to the spot.

“I'm fine.”

“Come with me.”

She placed another kiss and Delphine let her legs go, followed as Cosima led her towards her bed. _Cosima, I'm fine_.

“Lay down, babe.”

Delphine could feel the tremble of her lower lip and for the first time wished Cosima wasn't there. Wasn't there to see _this,_ whatever _this_ was. Today was meant to be a good day. She was meant to be seeing the lab. Today. She hadn't needed that cannula and she had a note from her sister and Cosima had noticed that she was looking good. They had kissed, really kissed, and she had felt _good_. Today was meant to be a good day. Cosima was looking at her over her shoulder. That same sad expression. Was it pity? Delphine didn't want, she didn't need, pity. _I'm fine_ , she wanted to say, again and again until Cosima believed it. But her lip continued to shake and Cosima was still staring right at her. Her shoulders sagged. This was all too much. Exhaustion didn't even begin to cover it. She was tired to her very core, tired in her bones. _I want to go home_.

 

_Where is my home?_

 

“Delphine? Lay down, please. You're looking a bit pale.”

Delphine shook her head.  
  
“This isn't what I want,” she heard herself say.

Cosima guided her closer to the bed, turned her by the shoulders, lay her down. Delphine shook her head again but her body simply followed Cosima's hands.

“Talk to me,” Cosima said softly.

She brushed a lock of hair from Delphine's forehead, kissed the place it had been.

“It was just a little stumble,” Delphine murmured, “I still feel fine. I'm not dizzy, I don't have a fever. You can feel that.”

Cosima nodded.

“You don't have a fever,” she conceded, “but I think you might be just a little dizzy.”   
  
“I want to go to the lab today.”

“There's no rush, Delphine. It's still early. We'll see how you feel soon, okay?”

Delphine turned her face away.

“Don't mother me.”

She heard Cosima sigh.

“I'm sorry, Delphine. Sorry.”

Cosima withdrew her hand from Delphine's hairline. Delphine fought the instinct to try and lean back into the touch.

“I do have some good news for you, though.”

“ _Oui_?”  
  
Cosima cleared her throat.

“Uh huh. Should be able to start treatment trials soon.”

“I know you cannot be more specific,” Delphine replied with a glance at the camera above them, “but that sounds good.”  
  
“It is, it is. It's promising, Delphine.”

“So you “got what you needed”?”

“I'll have it tomorrow.”

“And you're not worried about Dr. Leekie asking you what it is and where you got it from?”

Delphine heard the bangles on Cosima's wrists jingle.

“Nope. I'll deal with that. You don't need to worry about it.”

Delphine turned back to Cosima. She was looking ahead, the clouds and the bright blue sky reflected in her glasses, something like a smile on her lips. Something like hope.

“ _Je t'aime,_ ” Delphine whispered.

Cosima blinked as she returned her gaze to Delphine, gave a clipped shake of her head. Her dreads bounced.

“I love you too.”

Delphine sat up on the bed, moved through Cosima's protests, and pressed their mouths together.

“Kiss me,” she said.

 

And Cosima did.

 

Delphine closed her eyes.

 

She fell into that kiss, her heart bloomed into that kiss, into Cosima's mouth, into the taste of her. She breathed in and she breathed in Cosima. Delphine ran her hands up the back of Cosima's neck, dragged her fingers across her scalp. She pulled her in as close as she could but it was still not close enough. Why could she not get any closer? She sunk her teeth into Cosima's lip and felt those lips curve into a smile.

“Touch me.”

“Delphine, the camera...”  
  
“I don't care.”

“Are you sure? Do you feel okay?”

“Touch me, Cosima.”

A wave of heat washed over her as Cosima's hand worked up her thigh, lightly tracing circles on her skin.

“We'll keep the skirt on, okay? No one else needs to see.”

Delphine's head bobbed up and down.

“ _D'accord, d'accord._ ”

Cosima's mouth was on hers again, dropping kisses on her lips, across her cheeks, down, down her neck, her chest.

“Cosima, please,” Delphine said with a light gasp, wetting her lips with her tongue, “please touch me.”

Cosima arched her brow.

“Delphine, you can't possibly...”

She flicked her finger against Delphine's underwear and her eyebrows shot up.

“Oh, Delphine, already?”

Delphine was beyond blushing. She ground herself down against Cosima's hand.

“It doesn't feel like “already” to me. It's been such a long time.”

Cosima opened her mouth but Delphine shook her head.

“I know. I know.”

“I've missed it, too.”

Cosima's fingers skimmed over her again and her legs trembled.

“Open your legs a little more.”

 

Delphine fell back into the bed, Cosima's arm disappearing beneath her skirt, and moaned. All the while her fingers moved inside Delphine's underwear, Cosima dotted kisses across her knees, the inside of her thighs. Tender kisses, gentle kisses. Kisses not meant to arouse but to say, in the softest of ways,

 

_I love you_.

 


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> _If I can't find a cure, I'll fix you with my love_

Cosima sat at the picnic table with her legs crossed, hands clasped on her knee. Sunlight danced through the canopy above and across the grass as the leaves moved with the breeze. Finally warm enough to be out without a coat. She heard Sara before she saw her, the thud of her boots against the pavement. She had both hands deep in the pockets of her leather jacket, her hood pulled up, a frown already etched into her forehead. She swung a leg over the seat beside Cosima and sat straddling it with her elbow on the table.

“Hey,” they said at the same time.  
  
Cosima grinned. Sara scowled.

“Your face is looking better,” Cosima said.

Sara stared at her.

“Say again?”

“You know,” Cosima continued, circling her own cheek, then the skin under her eye, with her finger. “Last time I saw you, you had a pretty nasty bruise.”

Sara rolled her shoulders. She made a fist and rested her chin on it.

“Guess so, then.”

Cosima smiled with a shake of her head.

“That's enough chit-chat then, yeah? You get my note to Del?”

“Yeah.”

Cosima paused.

“She uh, really appreciated it.”

Sara huffed through her nose and turned her head, her gaze cast out over the park. Cosima's eyes widened. For just a second, Sara seemed so much like...

“I think she'd really _appreciate_ getting the hell out of whatever hole you've got her locked up in.”

Cosima caught the cheeky retort on the end of her tongue, pushed it up against the back of her teeth, simply nodded.

“Yeah.”

“Well, here,” Sara said, still avoiding eye-contact, as she pulled a plastic sandwich bag from her pocket. “She's only seven, so my mum only had two baby teeth to give me. That'll be enough though, yeah?”

Cosima took the bag. She ran her fingers over the two tiny teeth through the plastic, specks of blood dried in their jagged roots.

“My mom kept all my baby teeth too,” Cosima started, shook her head, cleared her throat. “Uh, sorry.”

Sara shrugged again.

“Thank you for getting these, Sara. They will be more than enough for the initial testing I need to do. If they're a match for Delphine, then we can move on to the bone marrow donation that I told you about. Didn't want to rush into something as intense as that without being sure.”

“Why can't you just use her teeth? Why does some doctor have to drill into her bloody hip?”

Cosima put the teeth into her handbag.

“You did some research on the donation procedure?”

“Of course. I had to know what it was that we were agreeing to.”

“Had to make sure Kira knew what she was volunteering?”

“I'm not that shite a mum. I don't know what Delphine's told you.”

Cosima cocked her head. Sara's jaw was tight. She kept her eyes on the grass.

“I don't think you're a bad mom. And if it helps, at all, she hasn't said a thing.”

“Huh.”

Sara dragged her boot across the ground and sniffed.

“It's not like it put Kira off. I even showed her a bloody video of it on YouTube. She still wants to help. When she saw me taking her old teeth with me, she asked if I needed any more. I don't think she'd hesitate to just pull out a couple.”

Sara sighed and slipped her hood off. She ran her hand over her hair.

“She sounds like great kid.”

“She is.”

Two children ran by, a labrador bouncing at their heels, trying to encourage them to toss their frisbee. Cosima watched until they disappeared into the trees at the end of the path.

“The reason we can't just use her teeth, assuming they're a match, is that there just aren't enough stem cells in them. Even if we used every tooth in her mouth we wouldn't have enough for testing and treatment. As it is, the majority of the tooth isn't usable, we have to like, drill into the middle to get what we need.”

“Shite. Okay. Anyway, I got you the teeth. We done here?”

Sara stuffed her hands back into her pockets and stood up. She started to move away.

“Just a moment, if you don't mind.”

“What then?”

Sara stopped. She looked at Cosima over her shoulder. Cosima inhaled. She puffed up her cheeks, blew the air back out slowly.

“You know, you're the first of your sisters to have a child,” she managed.

“Alice has a couple.”

“Uh, yeah, Delphine said she had adopted children.”

Sara pivoted on her heel to face Cosima. She tilted her head.

“You have to work hard for all the information you get as a monitor, or is my sister just giving it away for free? Or maybe you're that good of a lay.”

Cosima's mouth opened and she frowned.

“Uh.”

But Sara just laughed and sat back down, her legs spread wide, slouching against the table behind them.

“Where you going with this?”

Cosima blinked and relaxed her brow.

“You know, I'm just like, totally spit-balling here, but I have been thinking...”

“Have you?”

“...that your sisters, the sick ones, they have growths on their organs, that seem to originate in the uterus. It looks like it could be the reason most of you are infertile. But, you're...not. It's just a hunch, an educated hunch, but...you could be immune.”

“What are you saying?”

Cosima laced her fingers together and rubbed her palms back and forth against each other.

“I'm not even entirely sure yet.”

“Well, if I am immune or whatever, does that mean that you could me instead of Kira?”

“I'm not like, completely satisfied with this hypothesis,” Cosima said, her hands working themselves free and fluttering around her as she spoke, “and it is totally just a theory, but the disease does appear to be auto-immune. It is attacking the uterus, lungs, uh then the esophagus, kidneys, because it thinks they are pathogenic.”

“Come again?”

“You know, pathogens. Basically any bacterium, virus, other microorganism that causes disease. Her immune system is attacking healthy cells, thinking they're sick, and thereby making her, well, actually sick. Since clone cells are identical, or very, very nearly, there are some sequences and your fertility that warrant further investigation but -”

Sara was looking at her with narrowed eyes and a gaping mouth.

“What are you on about? Cut to it already.”

“Yeah, uh, sorry. But, essentially, it is more than likely that Delphine's system would attack your cells the same way it has been attacking hers, her body wouldn't be able to tell the difference between them. They're too similar. We want her broken immune system to reboot, start working, stop attacking healthy tissue, and Kira's cells will do that. Hopefully.”

Cosima finally took a breath and stilled her hands. Sara nodded a few times before pushing herself onto her feet again.

“And what do we do then, if Alice gets sick? Or Bess? What about all my sisters I don't even know? We can't keep using Kira.”

Cosima shook her head.

“No. We can't.”

“If I really am immune, am I going to have to watch all my sisters die?”

Cosima stood up. She went to touch Sara's arm but noticed the other woman draw her shoulders inward and let her hand fall between them. Vulnerability, Cosima found herself thinking, takes many forms. Sometimes it's quivering lips, sometimes it's tearful confessions, sometimes it's stony-faced stares and a leather jacket.

“I'm doing everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen,” she said gently.

Sara nodded. She pulled her hood back over her head and nodded once more.

“Let me know if you need the bone marrow,” she said, “my mum has organised a doctor to help out with that.”

“So Kira doesn't have to come into the DYAD. Good idea.”

Sara smiled without letting it touch her eyes.

“I told you, I'm not that shite a mum.”

“No. You're not. And you are a very good sister.”

 

 

“Ah, Dr. Niehaus, come in.”

How many times had she walked the path from her lab to this office, through these same glass doors, across this carpet to his desk? She remembered how different it had felt fresh out of college, how eager she had been to please him. Impress him. She had been handpicked upon the recommendation of her professor, had she not? There was no way she was going to disappoint. She was going to prove just how clever she was. Every time he asked to see her, she dropped everything to hurry to his office. It wasn't _him_ , she knew that even then, but the _opportunity_ he offered her. Maybe it was arrogant. Maybe it was naive. Whatever it was, she hadn't cared.

 

It happened so slowly she almost didn't notice it was happening at all.

 

Cosima remembered she had been laughing. A little too hard, perhaps, her teeth showing and her head tossed back. Aldous was smiling too. It was late, the moon clear through the windows of his office, but what better way to show your dedication to your work, your appreciation to your boss, than to work late every night? To humour a lonely old man? And then his hand was on her thigh, his fingers firm against her tights.

 

Things were different after that.

 

She still found herself sitting across from him in this very spot at least weekly, but it was to hear his critiques of her research, to be given menial busywork that a first year student could have handled. He had wanted to bruise her ego like she had his.

 

She didn't give him that satisfaction.

 

And now, here they were. Her defiance barely masked and his frustration barely checked. He made no effort to look up when she entered.

“Take a seat,” he said, still not lifting his head from the document on his desk.

Cosima fell into the chair and played the waiting game she knew so well how to play. Aldous added some notes to his paper, turned it over, read through the next page. Cosima watched him through half-closed eyes. Eventually he exhaled. He dropped his pen onto the desk and sat back. Their eyes met.

“You know,” he said, painfully slowly, smacking his lips together, “that I can see whatever you run through that lab, don't you?”

Cosima shrugged.

“Sure.”

Aldous picked his pen back up and started to tap the base against the desk.

“I suppose I'm curious, then, Dr. Niehaus.”

“You must have noticed I've been running the database for stem cell matches for a while now.”

Aldous nodded.

“I did. Though a matter of weeks is not a 'while' in this case, is it? Not when the odds of finding a match are a million to one. So for you to find a match this quickly... What did you expect me to think? This sample of yours is not one found in the DYAD database.”

He paused, tapped the pen against the desk a few more times, and let it drop.

“I know you far too well to assume letting me see was some sort of mistake.”

Cosima cleared her throat. A sign of weakness, she wondered, as Aldous rose an eyebrow.

“We seem to be on the same page,” she said finally.

Aldous chuckled without mirth and followed it with a sigh.

“Those are the last words I ever expected to hear from your mouth,” he said, “though perhaps there was a time, not so long ago, when I could count on your understanding.”

He shook his head.  
  
“Ah well, let us leave the past in the past for now. What is it you need from me?”

“I need your help. And your discretion.”

He rose both eyebrows this time, steeped his fingers against his chin.

“Don't start,” she said. “It's the work you did with your stem cell line using baby teeth... it's needed to revert multipotent bone marrow cells back into pluripotent ones, ones that may theoretically repair nearly any damaged tissue.”

_Theoretically be more than a band-aid for Delphine._

“So this, source of yours, they're willing to donate bone marrow? Though I can see, in a situation as desperate as this, why their _willingness_ might be of little concern to you.”

Cosima's expression twisted.

“I thought you said you knew me well, Aldous. I have their consent.”

He waved a hand at her.

“Very well. So you have a match, you have a donor. What are you thinking next? An intradermal test, rule out any nasty reactions?”

“Yes.”

“And my discretion...?”

Cosima inhaled.

“I'm asking this stay between us.”

“Ah.”

A smile spread across Aldous' face. Cosima swallowed.

“You know, Rebecca is a busy woman,” he said, “and this project is certainly not the only thing on her radar...Perhaps she doesn't need to know at this stage.”

“Thank you,” Cosima pressed through her teeth.  
  
“I will, of course, be present for the intradermal test.”

“If you insist.”

“Oh, I do.”

Cosima shifted in her seat.

“If this treatment doesn't work, it would be good to have some sort of idea where to look for answers next. So I think it's also time we had a discussion about the original genome.”  
  
Aldous laughed. He leaned forward onto his elbows.

“You do? How about you give me a little more too, Dr. Niehaus? I am interested to know who your mysterious donor is.”

“You and I both know I'm not going there.”

Aldous shrugged and sat back in his chair.

“Well, I suppose there is no harm in telling you. There isn't very much _to_ tell you. And I think you're invested enough that I can trust _your_ discretion, no?”

“What do you mean?”

“I'm going to tell you something that only a handful of people know. About twenty years ago, there was a fire in one of our labs. Several scientists died. Reams of data, lost. And the original genome was destroyed.”

Cosima blinked, frowned.

“So...all this secrecy around the original genome is because it no longer exists?”

“Yes. The entire project is essentially an orphan. We lost Delphine's prehistory, Cosima, and with it, all record of several synthetic sequences embedded in her DNA.”

“What kind of sequences...” Cosima said slowly. Her mouth felt dry.

“Sequences that make human cloning even possible, that overcame the viability issues that have haunted us ever since.”

Cosima closed her eyes and shook her head softly.

“So you've been trying, then. To continue human cloning.”

Aldous shrugged and lifted his hands.

“Is their infertility caused by one of these sequences?”

“As far as we know.”

Cosima pursed her lips. Even that was more than she knew going into this conversation, and if the price was Aldous' cooperation (involvement, participation, _entanglement_ ), well. So be it.

“I must say that I am looking forward to seeing where this goes, Cosima. I know you have issues with trusting me, but I am also fairly confident that you recognise my dedication to this project and its subjects. There are many mysteries to solve regarding the lost sequences. I do want to see this illness cured.”

“For Delphine and the others? Or for your future clone babies?”

Aldous rolled his shoulders again.

“Does that matter?”

He did not wait for her response.

“Well, it is getting late. And I cannot interest you in a nightcap, I'm sure. So I wish you _bonne nuit_. “

Cosima grabbed her bag from beside her chair.

“I'll let you know when we're ready to test.”

“I know you will.”

 

Even after she brushed her teeth she wasn't rid of the taste of bile on her tongue.

 


End file.
